Originally Posted by eepster
Why does wanting bio-grandkids translate to not loving adopted-grandkids?
The poster said that a genetic relationship was important to her, as she doesnt feel about other people's kids (like neighbor children, or a niece or nephew) as she does her own. This lead me to believe that she would then feel *differently* about non-genetically related (adopted) grandchildren than bio grandchildren. I think that would be a major bummer for those grandkids. It happens all the time....i've heard adoptive parents talk about how some family members consider the bio grandkids "real" family, and adopted second best.
Personally, i think if one has those feelings, they shouldnt just "accept" them as ok, they should work through them. There is potential, if one has these feelings and ends up with adopted people in their family, that there will be lots of hurt feelings, no matter how unintentional. Why is that ok? Why isnt that an issue to resolve, rather than accept?
I guess as someone who has always wanted to adopt (totally independant from any desire to birth children), and who has one bio child and an adopted child hopefully on the way, i really can't wrap my mind around *why* a *grandparent* would care whether the child was genetically related. Its a foreign concept to me. I think i'd be pretty upset and probably a little pissed if my mother thought of my current child as fufilling a wish of hers, and the adopted child as........not.
To bring this back to the issue of having a gay child...i also don't get envisioning what your child's grown up life will be like, or having expectations (other than wanting them to be happy, productive, kind, etc)....maybe its because of the way i was raised. I was raised to believe that my life was my own, my choices were my own, and that they were neither a reflection of the wishes of my parent, nor really had anything to do with them at all. We were 100 percent accepted and supported in our choices, no matter what they were (obviously anything illegal or harmful wouldnt be encouraged.) Both my sister and i had babies as unmarried 23 yr olds...it was *never* an issue. Maybe our parents were disappointed, i dont know. It just seems bizarre to me to care who your kid hooks up with as an adult, whether they have kids, etc. I guess i'd like to be a grandma, but my child is only 11...i have plenty of time to think about that.
I'm not sure you (general you)can be 100 percent A-ok with being gay, but then be "disappointed" by it. I dont see how its much different from saying "Oh, i dont have any problem with [insert whatever race here] people, but i wouldnt want my daughter to marry one. Because the children will face such discrimination yknow..." I think it hints at a deeper issue, a deeper prejudice.
Lots of people choose not to have kids, or can't have them, or have them and they die. I really dont know what it has to do with being gay (that is, why someone would immediately jump to, i'd be disappointed my child was gay because they wouldnt have kids.)