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What do you do about visitation when DSC is sick? - Page 2

post #21 of 38
Thread Starter 
Thank you mamas for all of you responses. It is good to see things from others perspectives. I am just terrified of getting sick before my surgery. I also had to have a c-section with DD and did not throw up. I have also had 2other surgerys and did not throw up, so for me, throwing up isn't a common side effect.

I did infact have a doctors appointment today and discussed the risks with my doctor. She said that DD and I should not go, but she wasn't concerned about DH bringing a virus home. He just needed to be sure to practice good hand washing. She also said that DSS should not come to the hospital until he was symptom free for 24 hours.

I wouldn't tell DH not to go see his son, but if there was a big risk of him bringing the virus home to me, I probably would have packed DD's and my bags and stayed with my dad until my surgery. Sorry if I am a terrible person but I don't want to get sick before major surgery.
post #22 of 38
Just to weigh in on the sickness issue, DSD is with whichever parent she is supposed to be, sick or not. But we have a 50/50 schedule, so it isn't really visitation.

As far as things like this go, I try to compare it to how I would react if it were DS (lives here 100% of the time).
post #23 of 38
JL's mom - I'm on your side about this one. Good luck. I'm just thinking about all the excitement when a new baby arrives it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy ! When you recover or are in the mood let us know how you are doing with your new one !
post #24 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
I don't know about the other Stepmothers here, but my stepdaughter is part of my family, whether she's healthy or sick. Unless she's too ill be be moved, she comes to our house when it's "visitation day" and unless she's too ill to be moved, she goes back to her Mother's house when it's time.
Sorry the term visitation bothered you. I don't think of it as an appointment or lunch date. I only used that term for lack of a better word. It isn't how I think of it really.

What word would you use for it in this context? Just curious because I am having a hard time coming up with a better one.
post #25 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by dawn1221 View Post
Sorry the term visitation bothered you. I don't think of it as an appointment or lunch date. I only used that term for lack of a better word. It isn't how I think of it really.

What word would you use for it in this context? Just curious because I am having a hard time coming up with a better one.
I didn't mean YOU using that word in your post bothering me, I meant anyone using that word in reference to seeing their child or spouses child. I with I knew a better word. It just sounds so much like a scheduled playdate or a scheduled appointment or something, as opposed to spending time with your child. Maybe that's why it's sometimes thought of so flippantly?
post #26 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
I didn't mean YOU using that word in your post bothering me, I meant anyone using that word in reference to seeing their child or spouses child. I with I knew a better word. It just sounds so much like a scheduled playdate or a scheduled appointment or something, as opposed to spending time with your child. Maybe that's why it's sometimes thought of so flippantly?
My DH hates that term too (visitation), as do I. However, as Dawn pointed out, it's for lack of a better term. It makes it seem so transitional--yk?
post #27 of 38
I hate to poke my nose in to a forum I don't belong in but the thread caught my eye from the main page. Nosiness won out.

Not to point out the blaringly obvious but isn't the c-section being performed in a hospital? Home of some of the hardiest and most dangerous pathogens on the planet? I cannot imagine that whatever your step-son has could touch the germs and viruses that both you and your newborn are about to be exposed to.

Hopefully the birthday visit went well and you guys are washing hands and all that fun stuff for the next few weeks! Blessings for you and your new little one!
post #28 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
I didn't mean YOU using that word in your post bothering me, I meant anyone using that word in reference to seeing their child or spouses child. I with I knew a better word. It just sounds so much like a scheduled playdate or a scheduled appointment or something, as opposed to spending time with your child. Maybe that's why it's sometimes thought of so flippantly?
I agree. It does seem to demean the parent/child relationship to always think of it as just visitation.

Not sure I have a better word, but I think that "visitation" kind of implies a paradigm of a real parent and person you visit. Of course, sometimes the courts set it up more like a visit -- just 2 hours here or there and no overnights, and there it probably feels like the right word. In our case we always have them overnight when they are with us, and it's usually for several days or weeks at a time.

And "visitation" sounds more optional than parenting, so if it's set up that way (with a primary/parenting home and short, infrequent visits) then it seems more likely you would cancel if something came up, where with more of a two families paradigm, you don't just cancel your parenting.
post #29 of 38
Hi, several posts have been removed from this thread, things were starting to develop into an argument which is OT in regards to the OP. If anyone has any questions, or would like to edit their posts, please contact me, Some of the posts were removed for content, others were removed because they quoted a deleted post.
post #30 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by violet_ View Post
I agree.
Not sure I have a better word, but I think that "visitation" kind of implies a paradigm of a real parent and person you visit.
It's called "parenting time" or "periods of physical placement" here, no matter how much it is. Not that you'd tell your kids, "it's time for your period of physical placement with your father" or anything.

Best wishes with your C-section tomorrow, JL'smom!
post #31 of 38
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to post a quick note about the term "visitation". I didn't mean to offend anyone. That is what 2 people do when they divorce, the work out a visitation schedule. I didn't mean to make it sound like my DSS is less important or anything like that. He lives with his mom and "visits" us. That's not the way we want it, but that's how it is. The "visitation" agreement was made between DH and DSS's mom 13 years ago and hasn't changed. DSS's mom won't agree on paper to increased "time" because it would decrease her child support. My DH is a great dad and very involved in his sons life. He would really like to see him more than every other weekend and one afternoon per week and he doesn't see that time as a lunch date or anything like that.
post #32 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL'smom View Post
Just wanted to post a quick note about the term "visitation". I didn't mean to offend anyone. That is what 2 people do when they divorce, the work out a visitation schedule. I didn't mean to make it sound like my DSS is less important or anything like that. He lives with his mom and "visits" us. That's not the way we want it, but that's how it is. The "visitation" agreement was made between DH and DSS's mom 13 years ago and hasn't changed. DSS's mom won't agree on paper to increased "time" because it would decrease her child support. My DH is a great dad and very involved in his sons life. He would really like to see him more than every other weekend and one afternoon per week and he doesn't see that time as a lunch date or anything like that.
I'm sorry if it sounded like it was directed at you. I can only speak for myself, but I just meant it was unfortunate terminology in general. It is the standard terminology, though, and I didn't assume you meant anything by it.
post #33 of 38
Thread Starter 
Wanted to give an update. DH and DSS spent time on DSS's birthday. DSS was symptom free for 24 hours so he visited his new sister and me at the hospital. New Baby and I are doing great!
post #34 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL'smom View Post
Wanted to give an update. DH and DSS spent time on DSS's birthday. DSS was symptom free for 24 hours so he visited his new sister and me at the hospital. New Baby and I are doing great!
Congratulations!!!
post #35 of 38
YAY!! Congrats!!!
post #36 of 38
Happy you are both well. Congrats !!
post #37 of 38
Congrats! Glad it all worked out!
post #38 of 38
the ONLY illness that changes our visitation (50/50 shared) with DSD is STREP..

if a note comes home that she was exposed to strep during the time she was away from us with her mom then we usually try to switch a day or two bc she is a strep carrier naturally...

dd had scarlet fever 3 times last year bc of the exposure from her sister. worse and worse each time she got it.

this year...not once...there have been 4 notes sent home.

dsd was pretty sick last year on her birthday and dh went to see her for a bit and then came home....she just preferred to be with her mom when she's super sick.

they are pretty good about switching days....
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