Help Me!

[sg784]

Help me help a friend. We used to go to highschool together, I came across her on myspace about a year ago, and we have been chit chatting back and forth since. She just posted this blog, and I want to help, I want to say the right thing, but I dont want to come off too strong. Her baby is only a few weeks old, it was a traumatic birth, and she has been having a hard time nursing and bonding with her son.

[mod edit]

So heres what i have so far....

Wether or not she BF or ff, he is still going to want to eat often. Period. And you have to be fully funtioning to prepare artificial milk....

A baby that young is really impossible to schedule....he will develop his own schedule, as he gets older.

FF babies sleep longer because they are using all their energy to digest. not cause they are happy and healthy and just tired.

HELP ME WITH MORE. If this was your frined what would you say?!!

[Emmeline II]

Her son seems just like my first child, also a boy.

I would give her/suggest a Swaddle Me blanket (my son slept better when he was swaddled but I could never do it right), a Moby Wrap (this would allow her to have her hands free while her son nurses) a nursing nest (to make it easier to nurse lying down), the "No Cry Sleep Solution" video and some kellymom links to the disadvantages of formula and how it may make her baby's "behavior" worse.

I think the most beneficial thing she could use is a Moby Wrap. The nursing hold can put the baby in the correct position to nurse and she could walk around like that for hours and have her hands free. My son was the calmest when I would take him for walks in my New Native, but I wish I had had the Moby then. I went grocery shopping when my dd was a week old with her nursing in the Moby the entire time with my hands free.

If the baby has a need to be held 24/7 changing to formula won't help that, and the affect on his gut from artificial milk could cause him to truly have gas and other intestinal problems.

http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/mi...t-formula.html
Many knowledgable authors have put together information on this subject, and I really don't think I can say it better than they can. So following are some links to information on the infant formula.

• Articles by Marsha Walker, RN, IBCLC
• Articles on infant formula (health effects)
• Formula Marketing
• Information from breastfeeding advocacy & formula industry watchdog groups
• Need to use formula? Here are some specifics...
• Soy Formula

Articles by Marsha Walker, RN, IBCLC

• http://www.kellymom.com/images/text/pdf.gif Supplementation of the Breastfed Baby: “Just One Bottle Won’t Hurt”---or Will It?
• Commentary on formulas supplemented with DHA & ARA (@ http://www.kellymom.com/images/logos/aplink2.gif)
• A Fresh Look at the Risks of Artificial Infant Feeding. Although not cited, this appears to be the article by the same name from the Journal of Human Lactation, June 1993. Reprints of the JHL article can be ordered from the International Lactation Consultant Association
• Known Contaminants Found in Infant Formula from Mothering, May-June 2000
• http://www.kellymom.com/images/text/pdf.gif Contaminants In Infant Formula from the National Alliance for Breastfeeding Advocacy website

Articles on infant formula (health effects)

• Did you know that just one bottle can have serious consequences for both the mother and baby? from the San Diego County Breastfeeding Coalition
• The Case for the Virgin Gut: Even the Occasional Bottle of Formula Has Its Risks by Ann Calandro, RNC, IBCLC
• Breastfeeding and Public Health from the Massachusetts Breastfeeding Coalition
• What Breastmilk Has That Formulas Don't by Jennifer Rebecca Thomas, MD, FAAP, IBCLC
• Opinion adopted by the BIOHAZ Panel of the European Food Safety Authority related to the microbiological risks in infant formulae and follow-on formulae, 23 November 2004
• The deadly influence of formula in America By Dr. Linda Folden Palmer.
  "This groundbreaking analysis from noted author, health educator and advocate Dr. Linda Folden Palmer is the first time a health expert has published an examination of the available scientific research comparing the death rates of formula-fed and breastfed babies. While the results hold no surprises for breastfeeding educators and advocates, the study may prove to be a rude awakening for the millions of Americans who have bought into the myth that infant formula is a perfectly safe breast milk substitute."
• Hot Milk: The unbottled truth about formula by John Hoffman, from TodaysParent.com
• What Every Parent Should Know About Infant Formula by Katie Allison Granju
• Commercial Production of Artificial Baby Milk by Marie Davis, RN, IBCLC
• The Risks of Infant Formula Feeding from the Breastfeeding Task Force of Greater Los Angeles
• Financial costs of not breastfeeding @ http://www.kellymom.com/images/logos/aplink2.gif
• FDA information on infant formula. Did you know that infant formulas are not FDA- approved? Per the FDA, "The law does not require that FDA approve infant formulas but instead requires companies to provide certain information to FDA before they market new infant formulas. Manufacturers must provide assurances that they are following good manufacturing practices and quality control procedures and that the formula will allow infants to thrive. If such assurances are not provided, FDA will object to the manufacturer's marketing of the formula; however, the manufacturer may market the new infant formula over FDA's objection."
• Information on the Hazards of Not Breastfeeding from the National Alliance for Breastfeeding Advocacy
• Risks of Artificial Feeding Reference Sheet by Jack Newman, MD

[spmamma]

She sounds like she may be suffering from PPD... if she were my friend I would probably gently talk to her about how she is feeling. Tell her that being overwhelmed at first is completely normal and ask how you can help. If she is feeling more than just the typical "baby blues" then perhaps she should call her doctor/midwife to see about being treated for PPD. I'm sure this will be tough to bring up, but it sounds necessary, especially since she is letting her baby scream since she can't stand to pick him up at times.

If you live close by bring her a meal, offer to hold the baby while she takes a shower or takes a short nap. If you don't live nearby, ask her if she has anyone in her support system that can drop by and do those things for her.

As far as scheduling and baby's happiness goes, the things you brought up are good points. Perhaps suggest that she take the baby to bed with her for a few days and just nurse as often as the baby wants. Nursing on her side should help her get some sleep, too (I know it helped me in those early weeks!). Hopefully this will help reduce the crying. Definitely reassure her that babies just need to eat often at that age and that trying to schedule a BF baby will only lead to frustration for both her and the baby (and may reduce her milk supply).

I'm sure other mammas will chime in with more advice! Good luck to you and your friend!

[meganmarie]

I agree with spmamma that it sounds like an emotional issue/PPD/baby blues and I would focus on addressing the depression with love and support and expressions of sympathy. It sounds like she wants to continue to bf, and if she can start to feel better and get past the hormones and sleep deprivation, she'll stick with it. Trying to directly talk her out of ff with logic may make her feel worse. Instead maybe you can tell her how amazingly amazing and awesome a mama she is for continuing to bf when she is so tired and down.

I agree, if you can visit, sounds like that would be a very good idea. Do anything you can to give her a break or some help around the house. I am really scared for her doing something terrible when she is feeling this way.

It also does sound like a sling might help if he is a baby that needs to be rocked and held a lot. Didn't Dr. Sears write a Fussy Baby book? Maybe that would help her feel like she's not alone in going through this with a newborn.

I went through something like this with my first - I was crying every day, breastfeeding wasn't going well and I was in a lot of pain and stress, it seemed like ds was never happy, he was a terrible sleeper, I was a failure as a mommy, all I wanted to do was make him happy and I couldn't. What I needed most was hugs and someone to tell me I was doing everything just right. I needed to put less pressure on myself, accept that my baby was not "easy", and just believe that we would get through this dark period and come out the other side somehow. Which we did. But thank goodness I had support from my family and husband to get me through that.

[gentleearthmama]

I would direct her to Susun Weed's Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year. My son was super colicky and we found once I cut the following foods out of my diet (as suggested in the WWHFTCY) he was FINE!
cabbage family plants
onions
garlic
chocolate
peanut butter
sugar
white flour
If this doesn't help, she can go one step further and try eliminating potential allergens such as soy, wheat, corn, dairy, and pectin.
Fennel tea is one that she can drink and medicinal properties will pass through her milk, or give him droppers of the diluted tea. She also reccommends catnip tea (for the babe) and slippery elm gruel (if he will take it) Please refer to the book for complete instructions and dosage guidelines.

If she doesn't have a sling, she sure needs one!
Good luck helping your friend.

[Penelope]

Moderator note: I edited the OP for copyright issues - paraphrasing is ok, quoting email without express written prior consent is not. The thread itself is fine.