It has been 2 1/2 weeks since he died, i really feel like writing this all will help me.......
January 9th we met up halfway between his new house, and my house so we could trade the girls. He had had them for a whole week for his visitation I was so happy to get them back but was really happy because they were all so happy. He had done so much with them all these fun things not a one of the girls could keep a smile off her face. I was so excited for them feeling like maybe our deal would work out, like maybe him living away from us has really helped us, helped our family.
So later that night i went to call him to thank him because all i had heard for the past five hours was all about daddy this and daddy that and how great his new house was i was excited for my kids. So i called him and it went to voice mail which wasnt that unusual since he worked alot and then the next morning i got a call around 10 am. It was STBX's neighbor he seemed frantic and upset he told me that he had heard a gun shot and went into STBX's house and found him dead. I couldnt believe it, i always knew he was having a hard time with life, but never did i think he was suicidal... I was in utter shock as i called his parents, who live closer to him so that they could deal with all the hairy details.
Then i faced the haunting task of telling my kids it was hard because they had just seen him yesterday, they were still smiling about thier time with him, and my niece lost her father not five months ago, and now her uncle, it was so difficult, that was the hardest moment in my entire life.....
It's now been almost 3 weeks things have gotten back to normal with the occasional outburst and tears.
Some moments i'm sad most i'm angry this has just been so difficult......
January 9th we met up halfway between his new house, and my house so we could trade the girls. He had had them for a whole week for his visitation I was so happy to get them back but was really happy because they were all so happy. He had done so much with them all these fun things not a one of the girls could keep a smile off her face. I was so excited for them feeling like maybe our deal would work out, like maybe him living away from us has really helped us, helped our family.
So later that night i went to call him to thank him because all i had heard for the past five hours was all about daddy this and daddy that and how great his new house was i was excited for my kids. So i called him and it went to voice mail which wasnt that unusual since he worked alot and then the next morning i got a call around 10 am. It was STBX's neighbor he seemed frantic and upset he told me that he had heard a gun shot and went into STBX's house and found him dead. I couldnt believe it, i always knew he was having a hard time with life, but never did i think he was suicidal... I was in utter shock as i called his parents, who live closer to him so that they could deal with all the hairy details.
Then i faced the haunting task of telling my kids it was hard because they had just seen him yesterday, they were still smiling about thier time with him, and my niece lost her father not five months ago, and now her uncle, it was so difficult, that was the hardest moment in my entire life.....
It's now been almost 3 weeks things have gotten back to normal with the occasional outburst and tears.
Some moments i'm sad most i'm angry this has just been so difficult......
I have a friend who this happened to as well and I think that the best thing to do would be to make sure you and the girls all get some counseling. Is that possible? Please, please take care of yourself and lean on your friends and family as you need them.
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