Do You Ask Your Guests To Remove Their Shoes - Page 3

[Erin+babyAndrew]

Originally Posted by honolula

Now, here's a question in return:

Don't any of you have DOGS???

nope, absolutely not. we'll never have a dog primarily for the dirt reason. My mom does have 2 dogs, but her beautiful hardwood floors have been really roughed up by them. Her dogs get bathed and groomed frequently, the dogs wear little boots outside when it is really mucky and she keeps towels by the doors to dry their feet when they come in.

[starling&diesel]

We wipe dog paws at the door. That way they're essentially taking off their 'shoes' too.

[songbird45]

Ah, ok, so if you shampoo your carpets once a month that makes sense. I shampoo carpets every 2-3 years. In my case it's never come up. We have several chairs right at the entrance, and everybody just automatically sits in them and removes shoes. I've never once had to ask. I have no kids, but a lot of kids go in and out all week (I'm a music teacher).

I like my floors clean because I go barefoot and hate feeling gritty yuck on my feet. I can completely see how you wouldn't care as much if you wore shoes inside the house yourself.

[honolula]

Originally Posted by songbird45

do you honestly shampoo the mud and salt out of your carpet every time you have guests?

Oh, the other part of why this may be regional: we don't have a whole lot of mud/salt where I live. This is suburban sprawl country, so people rarely have anything on their shoes other than street/sidewalk grit. It only snows/ices a few times a year, and even then people don't walk about in the salt (you have to drive everywhere, in the 'burbs). My everyday shoes are suede maryjane style Privos that I wear without socks all winter long, and I've never gotten anything mucky on my bare skin or the suede. The occasion where you would have mud or salt on your shoes is a rare one, which makes people extremely conscious and apt to wipe thoroughly at the door.

I shampoo carpets every 2-3 years.

Wow. If we didn't have a dog (half the reason we shampoo as often as we do), this statement would have me SOLD on the no-shoe concept!

[the_lissa]

Yeah most people shampoo their carpets very rarely here, like years.

We only have carpets in the bedrooms, but we've been here two years, and there is no need to shampoo them yet.

[Peppermint Leaf]

The issue I have is that it really doesn't matter to me what you do in YOUR home but I would always expect someone to Respect my ways in MY home.

I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do in your home --- however, you certainly are not free to come into MY home and do whatever you please !!

I am certainly not offended that you wear shoes in your home... just don't wear them in MY home.





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[MommyErin]

Originally Posted by the_lissa

I don't care what people do or don't do. I care that people, where it is the cultural norm to remove shoes, are being called rude.

Originally Posted by MommyErin

Where I come from, it's very rude to ask people to take off their shoes.

That's where the "rude" came in. It was me. I wasn't calling anyone rude per se, I was just reporting on how things are in the Greater Cincinnati Area. If I were to do it in my home to my guests, it's very likely to be perceived as rude. However, I know nothing of the social mores where you are, so I would have no way of knowing whether it's rude or not. Sorry if what I said was offensive. It certainly wasn't intended to be.

[the_lissa]

It actually wasn't your post, but thank you.

[MomToKandE]

Originally Posted by Erin+babyAndrew

not trying to make you sound like a freak at all, we all have our own interpretation of what is the norm. I just curious, do you have special shoes that are for indoors only? or do you wear the same shoes out in parking lots, playgrounds, hospitals, shopping downtown as you wear in your house?

we have hardwood floors and tiles and still remove our shoes because if there is any grit on those outdoor shoes, it gets ground into hard floors and scuffs the finish. we take our shoes off and put them on a shoe rack on the landing so there is room for our guests shoes and boots by the back door.

I'm wearing the shoes I've had on since I got dressed this morning. So far today they've been around the house, outside, in the car, in a school, in my office, in another office building, and in someone else's car.

My house has a mix of carpet and hardwood.

If I were wearing socks I might have taken my shoes off after I got home for the day but I have tights on and didn't want to walk around in just tights on my feet.

[lovesdaffodils]

I don't ask people to remove their shoes when they come in my house. In fact, my DP wears his shoes in the house a lot. I usually kick mine off as soon as I come in, but I just hate wearing shoes. We do always have a pile of shoes by the door though.

I agree with the pp who said that a lot of people are uncomfortable with their feet and might feel exposed if asked to take off their shoes. If I weren't expecting it, I might have on socks with holes in them or have forgotten to trim my toenails or something. I was actually reprimanded as a child for taking off my shoes in other people's houses because it was considered rude! So now I only do it if I feel comfortable in someone's home. If I was asked to take off my shoes, I would do it out of respect for someone's home though (and of course my previously mentioned dislike for wearing shoes).

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by the_lissa

Is there a country besides the U.S. where this is not the norm? My googling is showing that only the U.S. does this.

I don't know if it is wide-spread but none of my German family wears shoes in their homes (6 households) While they would never ask a guest to remove their shoes, they expect guests to read their minds and know to take their shoes off. (they do provide slippers inside the door)

We wear shoes in the house and therefore do not ask guests to remove their shoes. We have tile and hardwood on the first floor and that probably influences my feelings.

[CanidFL]

I normally just lurk in this area but saw this and had to comment

I am from Canada originally and it was always considered extremely rude to wear your shoes into a house. My DH is from Jamaica and they wear their shoes everywhere. When we first hooked up and he walked into my kitchen tracking mud and snow and leaving wet dirty puddles all over I FREAKED OUT lol. I thought he was so darn rude but just didn’t understand that he didn’t know. Now we live in the US and I am realizing that if you don’t ask people to take their shoes off, they will keep them on. In my mind, it’s rude but I also realize I am in the minority. I just think it’s nasty. I mean people walk around in the mall, parking lots, public washrooms, etc then walk on a carpet that a baby is playing on?

On the other hand, I also find it very awkward to ask people including in laws, friends, etc to remove their shoes now that I realize how rare it is. So I simply put a sign on the door that I hope people find humorous that says “I hang out on the floor so please leave your shoes at the door, Love “(DS)”. We have a huge shoe rack and I think it’s a nice way of asking without embarrassing people.

On a side note, I just wanted to mention that I lived with my in laws for 6 months and they never take off their shoes. I never wore shoes in the house because I just never got used to it and my feet were BLACK all.the.time. I hated it and just wanted to clean the floors every hour lol.

So, every one has their own opinion but I would rather have my son rolling around (and crawling soon) on a clean floor and I think since it’s my house, I can ask people to remove their shoes

[MommyErin]

Originally Posted by CanidFL

So I simply put a sign on the door that I hope people find humorous that says “I hang out on the floor so please leave your shoes at the door, Love “(DS)”.

You know, that's a very pleasant way of asking. Cute!

[JamieBrewHa]

I haven't, but I'm going to start!!! I love the idea of a no shoe household!

[Peppermint Leaf]

Originally Posted by CanidFL

I normally just lurk in this area but saw this and had to comment

I am from Canada originally and it was always considered extremely rude to wear your shoes into a house. My DH is from Jamaica and they wear their shoes everywhere. When we first hooked up and he walked into my kitchen tracking mud and snow and leaving wet dirty puddles all over I FREAKED OUT lol. I thought he was so darn rude but just didn’t understand that he didn’t know. Now we live in the US and I am realizing that if you don’t ask people to take their shoes off, they will keep them on. In my mind, it’s rude but I also realize I am in the minority. I just think it’s nasty. I mean people walk around in the mall, parking lots, public washrooms, etc then walk on a carpet that a baby is playing on?

On the other hand, I also find it very awkward to ask people including in laws, friends, etc to remove their shoes now that I realize how rare it is. So I simply put a sign on the door that I hope people find humorous that says “I hang out on the floor so please leave your shoes at the door, Love “(DS)”. We have a huge shoe rack and I think it’s a nice way of asking without embarrassing people.

On a side note, I just wanted to mention that I lived with my in laws for 6 months and they never take off their shoes. I never wore shoes in the house because I just never got used to it and my feet were BLACK all.the.time. I hated it and just wanted to clean the floors every hour lol.

So, every one has their own opinion but I would rather have my son rolling around (and crawling soon) on a clean floor and I think since it’s my house, I can ask people to remove their shoes

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[Crayfish]

Re:

"I was actually reprimanded as a child for taking off my shoes in other people's houses because it was considered rude!"

Yes, yes! That's the problem. In some areas it's _rude_ to wear your shoes, and in some areas, it's _rude_ to remove your shoes. It's often not just OK to do one or the other - you're supposed to do one or the other or you're flat-out rude.

Similarly, people who remove their shoes often feel that shoes are nasty and unsanitary things that you don't want in the house. People who don't remove their shoes often feel that bare or stocking feet are nasty and unsanitary things that you don't want in the house. So you can't even win on a sanitation or clean floors argument, because people don't agree on that argument.

I personally can't imagine how clean feet in clean socks could be considered less sanitary than shoes that have been all over the outdoors, but many people do.

Crayfish

[angelcat]

Originally Posted by the_lissa

Same here. I have never asked someone to remove their shoes because they do. It is the norm and the polite thing to do here.

I find it really gross too.

I have asked guests to keep their shoes on if they want if my floor is dirty for some reason.

It really annoys me when people think it is rude to ask guests to take off their shoes or something. First of all, it is cultural. Just because it isn't your culture doesn't make it rude. Second of all, I am sure everyone has things they don't permit in their house- smoking for example.

This. All this.

[BrooklynDoula]

We don't waer shoes and we have shoes by the door so it is very obvious that we remove them. All our friends do it without being asked. My neice and neehpw forget and I sometimes remind them and sometimes let it go depending on how long they are here for and where they are going (ie. just picking something up and only in the kitchen vs, here for a playdate and heading to ds's bed).

I also host events here like breastfeeding moms groups. I never ask people to remove shoes. If they ask if they should I say "we do and you can if you are comfortable with that."

[Tofu the Geek]

I've never had to ask someone to take off their shows, it's just what we do here. Okay, once I did have to TELL a cable guy to take off his boots. I didn't ask, I simply said, "please remove your work boots before going downstairs" as he was walking into my living room from the entrance. he backtracked and took them off with a sheepish look because companies here mandate their work men to remove work boots inside people's homes.

Personally, I don't think shoes should be worn in the house, and these are some of the reasons:

1. we've got really nice bamboo flooring and the grit and small rocks that get caught in shoes are going to scratch up my floors. I shouldn't have to get my floors refinished because people won't remove their shoes.
2. heels are murder on hardwood floors! High-heeled shoes marks are NOT they type of character I want in my floors.
3. have people NEVER stepped in dog crap or gum before with their shoes? Why would I want that on the floors in my house where the kids play and we lie down to watch a movie?
4. water, slush, and mud just don't look good on my floor and I don't feel like cleaning up someone else's mess or spending time cleaning up my own shoe mess when I have other, better things to do
5. we like to lie on the couch with our feet up while reading/watching T.V. and I sure as heck don't want dirty shoes on my leather couches
6. we like to cover up with cozy blankets while watching movies. I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing my shoes under a blanket, would feel like I wore them to bed...
7. we've got a 2-story house and the bedrooms are upstairs. I don't want to track dirt and grit into my sleeping area and I've got hardwood flooring upstairs that I don't want wrecked either!
8. I step out of the shower clean, I don't want to step on a gritty, dirty floor because shoes were worn in the house. Refer back to my dog crap and gum point!

Those are the highlights for me, I could probably come up with more if I thought about it! I think you can see I am opinionated about the subject.

Some people mentioned they were concerned about getting their socks or feet dirty by stepping in crumbs and such on people's floors. We sweep after meals (toddler do make a mess) and I always do a quick sweep or vacuum before guests arrive because it only take a few minutes and ensures I get my floor cleaning done.

My midwife didn't remove shoes in her house (and told people not to), so I listened to her. You could see the dirt, water stains, and pet hair on her hardwood floors and I surely wasn't going to get my socks or feet dirty by walking on her floors without shoes.

[Crayfish]

Another possible way to think about the shoe thing, from the point of view of people who are _totally_ unfamiliar with the custom of taking off their shoes when visiting: Think of it like a man's shirt.

Except in the most casual or intimate of circumstances, or in specific circumstances like the beach or pool, men usually wear shirts. They may take them off when alone at home, or the family may have negotiated a no-shirts-needed policy, but among anyone but intimates, they wear shirts. So if you (pretend you're a man) went to visit someone at their house, you wouldn't take off your shirt as you entered the house. If you did so, you would feel that you were being sloppy, inappropriate, making yourself too much 'at home'. There would also be a sort of sanitation related concern - bare skin and sweat and uncovered armpits and eew.

Even if you entered the house and found that your host was not wearing a shirt, you probably wouldn't take yours off. You would probably feel that he was being a bit inappropriately informal, but you'd be too polite to actually complain - it's his house, after all. But the idea that he's shirtless wouldn't make you think that _you're_ supposed to be shirtless - the thought wouldn't occur to you. And if your host actually asked you to remove your shirt, you'd be rather startled and weirded out and uncomfortable, and you might feel that he was rude for making you so uncomfortable.

For people raised in areas where the shoe-removal custom is unheard of, that's rather what it would feel like. You wouldn't take off your shoes, any more than you'd take off your shirt. Seeing a row of shoes wouldn't inspire you to do so, any more than seeing a heap of removed shirts wouldn't inspire you to do so - you'd just think, if you thought anything, that surely these people must own a closet? Bare or stocking feet would make you think of stinky feet and athlete's foot and sweat and eew.

And if you found that your host/hostess weren't wearing shoes, you still wouldn't think to take yours off. You would think that they were being a bit inappropriately informal, and that the polite thing would have been to put their shoes on when the doorbell rang, but you'd be too polite to complain - it's their house after all. But it wouldn't occur to you to remove your shoes, and if you were asked to do so, you'd be rather startled and weirded out and uncomfortable.

None of this is to say that people shouldn't follow the local custom or the household custom. I'm just trying to explain why the shoe-removal custom would seem so very alien to those that are accustomed to wearing their shoes all the time, and why those people might not pick up on what seem, to the shoe-removing types, like really obvious clues.

Crayfish