Originally Posted by mbravebird
We may not be able to choose or control a situation, but we can choose how we relate to it, and who we have by our side, and how we love each other through it.
And, when you come down to it, that's an amazing amount of choice.
I hope your little guy is feeling better! What a rough night.
I don't think anyone here has implied that we have complete control over every. single. circumstance of our lives. And what you've shared actually shows how ridiculous it is, when people give the standard line about how children will never learn to deal with disappointment, if parents don't force it on them.
It's obvious that even the most radical unschooling/consensual living parent can't deliver up a perfect world where everything always happens the way her kids want it to. Kids are going to "get" that the world's not perfect, regardless of our parenting style. My concern is not
that my kids "get it" about the things they can't change (I know they will) -- my concern is
that they "get it" about their power to live creatively and courageously, making this imperfect world into a better place.
I like what abac shared about The Serenity Prayer. To me, what differentiates an empowered individual (like you) from a victim, is the ability to recognize the things that we really can change.
When faced with a negative circumstance that we can't
change (at least not at this stage of human knowledge), our choice, as you so aptly put it, is how we're going to relate to the circumstance. What kind of network we're going to build. How accepting and affirming we're willing to be while our loved ones (including ourselves) are grappling with difficult emotions. And, of course, we don't expect our children to have an adult perspective on all this.
When faced with a negative circumstance that we can
and should work to change, we pray for courage -- and I think we also pray for creativity, because if it's a huge problem, its solution is going to depend upon some other people catching our vision that it really is possible to turn this thing around.
Really, it takes courage
to accept, and live creatively, while grappling with the stuff we can't
change -- and it takes serenity
to remain courageous, and keep on
thinking creatively when we believe that something can
be changed, but everyone around us is scoffing and insisting that it's "just the way it is."