Originally Posted by IdahoMom
I just love these "I'm a better mom than you" threads.
I just love how, whenever people share how they've grown and changed, someone has to come on and tell them how "judgmental" they are. I agree with ruhbehka: The above quote sounds pretty judgmental and "I'm a better person than you"-ish.
The OP has shared how, in the past, she would've seen the child's behavior as something that needed to be "corrected" -- but the other day she saw the child's behavior as a means of communication. That's a huge paradigm-shift!I don't think anyone was implying that such a paradigm-shift is a 100% guarantee that our kids will never have a meltdown in a public place. And I definitely don't think anyone was saying that it's appropriate to look at a mother in a difficult situation, and judge her as not practicing gentle discipline, or not listening to her child.
However, I DO think our views of children, human nature, and the parent-child relationship have a powerful effect on how we handle shopping trips and all the other activities of life.
For instance, if we have the view that "parents shouldn't bend to children's every whim," or that "children need to sacrifice for us sometimes, because we do so much for them" -- we may not even see it as good parenting to try
to arrange our lives so that our little ones don't have to go shopping if they don't want to.
If, on the other hand, we see it as desirable to help the people we love to have the kind of lives they want, then we won't feel we're being lax as parents for, say, cutting a shopping trip short rather than making our kids stick it out so they can learn to deal with the boredom and frustration.
Therefore, I think the "don't bend to children's every whim" paradigm is more conducive to a view that "sometimes it's not possible for everyone to have what they want." Someone with this view is less likely to try to brainstorm solutions where everyone can have what they want (or even to think that getting what we want is good for character) -- which tends to result in a reality where there aren't very many options and it's always somebody's turn to "bite the bullet."
In contrast, the idea that it's good
for people to get what they want is conducive to a view that we can
find ways to achieve this. We may be momentarily too tired or stressed to keep looking at the situation from different angles until the best solution is found: we're only human. But since we see it as a good thing to help our children be happy, we're naturally going to be more open to thinking about other options -- which tends to result in a reality where our options are continually increasing and no one's having to "bite the bullet."
If anyone's feeling like this post is judgmental, I hope you'll go back and reread the bolded part!