Hi Mamas,
I am cross-posting on the special needs forum.
DD 1, 6 YRS, with major anxiety, had dental surgery today. To prepare we worked with the child life people at the hospital, for hours and hours. we said to many people during the whole preparation process, that DD has extreme anxiety for which she is being treated, that what helps is to have things explained to her and for her to feel she has some control, to be given choices, etc. Our dentist knows the history and knows to follow my lead, which is what she says and what she does. Every experience we had leading up the actual surgery was super gentle. DD didn't want to versed, anesthesiologist said, "no problem." everything was very slow and gentle and DD was scared but calm. So when the very cheerful anesthesia nurse came and wheeled her down the hall I came too. She asked if we'd met with child life and I think my confirmation may have led her to think she didn't have to offer any further explanation at all. When we got into the OR, DD climbed onto the table and the NA reached for the mask. No one offered any explanation so I said, "here is the mask...." DD started to get scared, and make her little scared noise. And out of nowhere, with no warning, the AN forced the mask on DD's face. I was saying, "WAIT WAIT WAIT." The dentist said something like, "its ok mom." DD was crying and trying to turn her head. and I realized the NA was not going to stop forcing the mask on my terrified kid. So I gave up and started trying to comfort my DD before she was out. I AM LIVID. I feel so violated and angry. DD remembers the whole event (described it in detail) and she is angry too. (I had not said anything about it).
so here are my questions:
- what am I not saying in these moments b/c this has happened to us repeatedly. I think I need to say to everyone we encounter, "we won't be holding her down. I need you to follow my lead." (b/c I did ask to be walked through all the steps and supposedly we were). I also need to say, "you no longer have my consent."
- how can I possibly assure my daughter- 1- that she can trust me to be honest with her AND protect her from this sort of violation? What can I say? How can she feel safe when her mom is such a freaking doormat in these settings????
- I am going through all the channels in terms of complaining but I think this is the status quo and I suspect it has alot to do with our culture's ideas about children- that they don't have rights and their feelings don't matter. Of course my feelings didn't matter either!
So one of my fears is that if I make a big stink about this, the result will be that the hospital will just stop letting parents go back with their kids!!!
So I was thinking maybe I should talk to an attorney- if money is the only way to change the system, or to even get their attention. I don't know. I think it was clear that they did not have my consent but b/c I was just saying "wait," they can probably claim they thought I was talking to DD.
ok, what do you say Mamas? WWYD?
thanks,
Julie
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I am cross-posting on the special needs forum.
DD 1, 6 YRS, with major anxiety, had dental surgery today. To prepare we worked with the child life people at the hospital, for hours and hours. we said to many people during the whole preparation process, that DD has extreme anxiety for which she is being treated, that what helps is to have things explained to her and for her to feel she has some control, to be given choices, etc. Our dentist knows the history and knows to follow my lead, which is what she says and what she does. Every experience we had leading up the actual surgery was super gentle. DD didn't want to versed, anesthesiologist said, "no problem." everything was very slow and gentle and DD was scared but calm. So when the very cheerful anesthesia nurse came and wheeled her down the hall I came too. She asked if we'd met with child life and I think my confirmation may have led her to think she didn't have to offer any further explanation at all. When we got into the OR, DD climbed onto the table and the NA reached for the mask. No one offered any explanation so I said, "here is the mask...." DD started to get scared, and make her little scared noise. And out of nowhere, with no warning, the AN forced the mask on DD's face. I was saying, "WAIT WAIT WAIT." The dentist said something like, "its ok mom." DD was crying and trying to turn her head. and I realized the NA was not going to stop forcing the mask on my terrified kid. So I gave up and started trying to comfort my DD before she was out. I AM LIVID. I feel so violated and angry. DD remembers the whole event (described it in detail) and she is angry too. (I had not said anything about it).
so here are my questions:
- what am I not saying in these moments b/c this has happened to us repeatedly. I think I need to say to everyone we encounter, "we won't be holding her down. I need you to follow my lead." (b/c I did ask to be walked through all the steps and supposedly we were). I also need to say, "you no longer have my consent."
- how can I possibly assure my daughter- 1- that she can trust me to be honest with her AND protect her from this sort of violation? What can I say? How can she feel safe when her mom is such a freaking doormat in these settings????
- I am going through all the channels in terms of complaining but I think this is the status quo and I suspect it has alot to do with our culture's ideas about children- that they don't have rights and their feelings don't matter. Of course my feelings didn't matter either!
So one of my fears is that if I make a big stink about this, the result will be that the hospital will just stop letting parents go back with their kids!!!
So I was thinking maybe I should talk to an attorney- if money is the only way to change the system, or to even get their attention. I don't know. I think it was clear that they did not have my consent but b/c I was just saying "wait," they can probably claim they thought I was talking to DD.
ok, what do you say Mamas? WWYD?
thanks,
Julie
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