I need to be crying hysterically and I need to be all giddy because I'm pregnant. But I can't do one while needing the other and I can feel it sending me right back into shock again. I am so sick. AND I'm really scared of what miscarrying will be like - if, of course, that really does happen.
I seem to be finding an emotional compromise by crying my eyes out while saying, "I have to hope. I HAVE to hope..."
Meanwhile, we wait. We just wait to see what happens. But I've truly never been through anything so traumatic. All in 24 hours, I'm having anxiety attacks that are terrifying, had to get a transvag ultrasound as well as a exam by a male doctor, was in the ER, got those ultrasound results, and then promptly went into shock. Gag.
Not only are my emotions reeling, but my whole body is too. All the problems are in my personal bubble - my body, heart, head. I can't get away. My WORD, if only the anxiety/racing heart thing would stop! It's keeping me terrified when I'd otherwise get little breaks to regroup.
Oh Jesus, just let me sleep through it.
Hey, those of you that are praying, thank you so much. Please focus on the anxiety attacks for me.