Is it OK to lie to the OB?

[Cathieq]

Can I become a patient of an OB and just not tell them that I am planning a homebirth? Any downsides? "Oops, the baby just came out when I happened to be home!"

[Ruthla]

I did it twice. I didn't actually LIE to the dr...I just didn't tell her everything.

[njbeachgirl]

I'm confused. Are you planning to have a UC? Or do you have a midwife?

More info please

[guest9921]

I didn't disclose all details to my OB (UC), though she very clearly figured it out and became instantly supportive and respectful of my choices.
Yes, its perfectly 'OK' to lie to your OB. You hired them, and you're only asking for the services you want. If you feel judgement and hostility, I would leave details out.

[jessitron]

I lie to mine. In Missouri's case, it's the doctors who are responsible for keeping midwifery illegal. That makes it their fault that I have to pretend to plan a hospital birth. If they'd get over their turf battle and legalize CPMs, then I could be open about it.
Of course then I wouldn't have to go to the OB at all for a normal pregnancy, which would be perfect. And exactly what they're trying to prevent.

Anyway. Last birth I did just that, "Oops, we had the baby at home." and scheduled a postpartum visit. They were nice.

[mamabadger]

Your doctor is not your father-confessor. There is no sacred duty to give him any information you prefer not to give. The only concern is whether the missing information would affect the doctor's ability to provide effective medical treatment, and that issue does not really apply here.

[mysticmomma]

I'd say it's fine to lie, but need more info to really give that answer.

[Rockies5]

Originally Posted by mamabadger

Your doctor is not your father-confessor. There is no sacred duty to give him any information you prefer not to give. The only concern is whether the missing information would affect the doctor's ability to provide effective medical treatment.

Hope you have a lovely birth

[sunnymw]

I've considered this, since I'm in a weird situation... I plan to UC and am seeing a midwife 1.5 hrs away, and in case of hospital transfer I WOULD like a certain OB (my old GYN who would probably be the least interventive OB in this town), and I'm debating on seeing him once or twice just to establish relationship... (MW is a DEM, not licensed in this state)... part of me would want to tell him how it's gonna be... but the other part knows I'd better lie

[Cathieq]

Well, there is a maternity hospital that is about a 5 minute walk from my house. I would NOT plan to deliver there, but if for whatever reason there was a problem (go into pre-term labor, breech etc.) it would be so convenient to go there and have an OB already familiar with my records! Right now I'm planning a birth center birth farther away, but I want to switch to a homebirth. So, I guess I was wondering about going to an OB a few times before the birth just to get my records in the local system "in case" but planning to birth at home. In general, I'd like to be honest with everyone but I've been told that the local hospital doesn't allow any of their OBs to provide "back-up" care, so I'd be getting them into trouble by telling the truth. So much to think about!

[AlpineMama]

Originally Posted by Cathieq

Well, there is a maternity hospital that is about a 5 minute walk from my house. I would NOT plan to deliver there, but if for whatever reason there was a problem (go into pre-term labor, breech etc.) it would be so convenient to go there and have an OB already familiar with my records!

Same thing here.

Plus the social services climate around here is very... uh, unfriendly... in many ways. We are currently low-income (DH on disability, me a SAHM), on Medicaid, had a previous low birth-weight baby (he was fine, just a little early), have a Hispanic last name, and live in a pretty icky neighborhood and house (in order to help out disabled MIL).

I've already had quite a few run-ins with docs and social workers in my last pregnancy. For example DS was born quickly, so they wondered if the "precipitous labor" was due to drugs. Then he lost a lot of weight in the first few days, and they wondered if we were starving him. Then I didn't gain enough during pregnancy due to HG so they wondered if I was on drugs and/or anorexic. Just general annoying and insulting stuff like that.

So I want all the medical records I can rummage up to prove that I was a good girl during pregnancy.

[lc81002]

I saw a midwife (medwife is more like it...) at a military clinic until about 34 weeks and never mentioned that I was planning a homebirth the whole time. They just assumed I would give birth at the Navy hospital and that was that. I would have quit going sooner than 34 weeks (probably after the mid-pregnancy ultrasound) but there was an issue that could possibly have kept me from home birthing and I wanted to be sure all was ok before I stopped my appointments with them (since they have access to ultrasound, blood tests, etc., plus a standing referral for all pregnancy care with my insurance, and my midwife did not). The office had to call and cancel an appointment of mine around 34 weeks and I just never rescheduled it or made any more appointments. I had just gotten confirmation at 33 weeks that I was clear for a homebirth, so the timing worked out well. Nobody even called me until my son was about 3 weeks old to see if I ever had the baby or where I went. I told them at that point that I'd opted to have the baby at home and it was a healthy boy. I think the response was, "Oh, ok. Well, have a nice day."

[AllieFaye]

No, it's not okay to lie to the doctor. It's not okay if the doctor lies to you. If you have a hostile, judgemental doctor, then it's better to hear it outright and fire him or her. Homebirths are only 1% of American births. If a doctor can't accept less than 100% agreement with his or her own point of view, then it's time for a new doctor.

[AlpineMama]

Is there a difference between lying and refraining to mention though? I'm refraining to mention that if all goes well, I won't go into the hospital. However, if something goes wrong, I would indeed go in. I don't see the point in arguing out with the doctor's office at what point I should go in. Plus they all tell you to labor at home "as long as possible" - right?

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by AllieFaye

No, it's not okay to lie to the doctor. It's not okay if the doctor lies to you. If you have a hostile, judgemental doctor, then it's better to hear it outright and fire him or her. Homebirths are only 1% of American births. If a doctor can't accept less than 100% agreement with his or her own point of view, then it's time for a new doctor.

Why form an antagonistic relationship with someone you might need to work with?

I plan to tell my doctor (when I get one) the exact truth:
I want someone who can help me give birth in a hospital and who will be able to provide medical advice about my baby after the birth.

The fact that I will only deliver in a hospital if I decide to transfer from my UC and that I have no intention of doing well-baby visits is immaterial to my patient-caretaker relationship with a doctor.

I am looking for a doctor who I would feel safe telling "I planned to stay home until I felt a need for medical assistance and that point never came." (again, absolute truth)

I'm fortunate to have a large number of hospitals in the area all of whom accept my insurance. Many people don't have those choices and it is unhelpful to blithely tell them to just "find another doctor".

[mytwogirls]

Not fair to lie to the OB. They need to know upfront what your deal is and your plan of action so the speak. It is only fair. You would be pissed if they lied to you or "left out details" about things involving your delivery. They are there to help you and being dishonest or leaving out details is not good at all for anyone. What is something should go wrong (I really hope it does not ) but you really need to be honest. If they don't agree with you, then find someone who is willing to work with you.

[lc81002]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

I'm fortunate to have a large number of hospitals in the area all of whom accept my insurance. Many people don't have those choices and it is unhelpful to blithely tell them to just "find another doctor".

I'm one of those who isn't so fortunate. And even if I had the option of going to any doctor I wanted, I'd be hard-pressed to find somebody around here that would be cooperative with someone they knew was planning a homebirth. If I knew ahead of time that I had an issue that would risk me out of homebirthing, I would have actively searched for someone who would at least let me do things according to my birth plan and not fight me on everything, but since I had an uncomplicated pregnancy I just accepted the fact that if I were to transfer during labor I'd be with a total stranger for a doctor at the nearest hospital. Heck, even if I stayed with the military system, I can pretty much guarantee it would have been a total stranger catching the baby. That's just how their craptastic system works.

[blessedmom68358]

Like a PP, I'm also in MO, and believe me, here you cannot just go out and "find a HB-friendly OB"...one who would take you knowing you're planning a homebirth. I actually don't know if it's even possible? I wasn't even treated respectfully or correctly (medically) with the first several assuming I was mainstream. It was awful! I tried several different OBs/offices and healthcare systems over the course of a few months. The headache and stress I went through to find the OB who I would go to for a couple of tests and in the event of a transfer just about unglued me. It's a very difficult thing to do in my location...beyond difficult...and I haven't even mentioned homebirth!

Midwives have no platform here and are forced underground BY the medical community. Further, OBs who are natural-minded, accessible for questions, and with a decent bedside manner are VERY difficult to come by here.

I've put a LOT of thought into this (mentioning HB issue), and I can't risk losing this one good Dr. I finally found (was referred to, actually) by mentioning HB...no way! I also cannot keep trying a "new OB of the month"...that's costly, time-consuming (I have four kids, no family to help, and a DH who works long hours), and just completely draining. That said, I don't lie either. I haven't been asked and don't feel that it's their business to know by me just blurting it out unnecessarily. I already know the mindset here and I don't need to leave one more OB office upset beyond words and feeling all alone. They don't care (believe me!) but the effect left on me (and, potentially, my baby) is awful. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I have to protect myself (and my baby) from anymore 'medical'...or resulting, personal, grief. I always disclose all of my truthful identity/health background info. That is what they need. I'm low-risk and very healthy, too. I'm all-set and will use them if the need arises.

That's my personal $.02 and opinion based on what I've endured. To each their own. Best wishes!

[blessedmom68358]

I'm refraining to mention that if all goes well, I won't go into the hospital. However, if something goes wrong, I would indeed go in. I don't see the point in arguing out with the doctor's office at what point I should go in. Plus they all tell you to labor at home "as long as possible" - right?

That's what I plan to do..."labor at home as long as possible"...er, uh...to birth, I hope! There is just no point in arguing here as I really don't think I'd find ANY OB to take me on (since midwifery is considered a felony and I don't plan to UC). With this being my fifth baby, there's a good chance I wouldn't make it anyway.

[kdaisy]

I would say it is completely up to you. If it feels ok to you then it is ok. If it doesn't, then you shouldn't.