Do any of your dc's friends irritate you?

[guest^]

I feel like such a horrid person for saying this, but some of dd's friends irritate the heck out of me. I feel so guilty, as they are just children.....

I know my dd isn't perfect. And it is quite possible that if I feel like this about some of her friends, that her friends parents could feel like this about her.

If any of you have felt this way, do you just get over it so that your dc can still enjoy having the friend over? Or do you start avoiding the child? : :

Am I alone with these thoughts? Anyone else BTDT?


mp

[Arduinna]

Your not alone, I've felt that way on occasion too. Although it's been awhile and luckily it was never anyone she was really close with.

There were a few times when I decided that she couldn't play just because I didn't feel like dealing with the kid at the moment.

[Lucky Charm]

If any of you have felt this way, do you just get over it so that your dc can still enjoy having the friend over? Or do you start avoiding the child?

In some cases, i have had to "get over it", because the kid wasnt so bad, behaved halfway decent and my child really enjoyed his company. this, clearly was my issue, and i did what i felt was best for my child, which was to encourage a nice friendship.

that said, i have also put the kibosh on 2 friendships where not only did i have issues, but so did the kid. one was a kid i have mentioned several times here at MDC, and his behavior included pulling down his pants. never again was that kid allowed in my home. second was with a neighbor whose child i watched after school everyday for an hour. actually, there were two kids, they were siblings and the boy was my sons best friend. now i absolutely adore this boy, and he is my "favorite"....his sister however drove me up a wall! i am nashing my teeth as i type this. she was the biggest brat who literally broought the worse out in my 5 yr old, and i couldnt wait to the school year to end. so as this year starts, i pick up my sons best friend from school, and the mom, my neighbor has had to make arrangements for her daughter, who i swear has two heads.

[bestjob]

Many of my kids' friends bug me. I often have to determine if it is just that they are childish, or gauche, or if they are having difficulties in their own lives that cause them to be so bothersome. Even with the ones who really rub me the wrong way, I try to do or say something nice so that they leave me with something positive. (This challenging advice was given to me by someone here at MDC, and even if it is hard, it at least provides me with a distraction from the awfulness of the kid.) If the child is actually harming my child, I will step in, but if it is a case of being a pain in the neck, I don't actually forbid the friendship. Both dh and I have adult friends who act in strange ways, and I guess the difference between them and children is that I don't feel obliged to change the adults.

[journeymom]

I agree with what the rest have said. I've experienced this, and we even moved out of our first home partly because of the little girl across the street. She just pushed my buttons, and boy did I agonize about that. She's just a little kid! But based upon the way her mom turned out, I knew I was justified in trying to disuade a long term relationship between dd and the little girl.

But most of the time I just ignore that irritated feeling. I noticed that I've been irritated with any and all of dd's friends at some point, and that it has everything to do with "anti-somebody-else's-child-in-my-house" feelings than any legitimate sentiment.

[Chelly2003]

YES..........

I have a problem with the boys in my sons day care, and the parents seem to encourage the "I've got better toys that you" etc......

I took ds to one birthday party, (at chucky cheese - YUK) anyway, my son was playing games with the birthday boy - just turned 4, and my goodness when he lost a game or a point in a game he threw a fit - every time and when my son lost a point or a game the birthday boy was positivly MEAN about it..... (shouting YAY you LOOOOOSE etc. etc)
I just can't take that kind of behavoir.......

[guest^]

Sorry it took so long for me to post back.....

The friend of dd's that motivated me to post this was at our house the day dd broke out with chicken pox...so I'm feeling a little guilty having the ill thoughts I did about this child!: And I've realized that while her personality bugs me, she is an overall ok influence on dd-not a bad one at least. And dd really does enjoy her company. So I will let that one rest.

The other little friend that bugs me evidently bugs dd too....she just told me yesterday that she no longer wants to play with the littlke girl as she doesn't play nice and doesn't treat dd nicely. *whew* I am so glad dd realized this on her own. The little girl is *so* needy, and is never kind. It is like pulling teeth to have a successful playdate with her. She is never happy with our toys, food,etc....so with this friend I was feeling a tasd bit irritated...but since dd has seen the situation for what it is, I will just go with what she feels she wants to do.Or not do in this case.

Feeling better having read all your posts. I guess I have just put this unfair responsibility on my shoulders that since I am the adult I should like tha other children.:


mp

[ladylee]

It's not so much the children, but the parents for not giving their kids the tools they need and for not supervising inappropriate behavior.

[menudo]

So far my DD has no "close" friends but she (now 6 1/2 yo) has always been attracted to the spoiled drive me up a wall kids. I mean, the yare ok, but they always tend to be from wealthy families and a little overbearing due to being spoiled. (We are poor as could be and live in a trailer...) None have been "bad" just often have issues with sharing or listening.

Then if she sees their homes-full of toys and talk of their trips....we get the "I wanna house, etc." issues. I sware, Ihave met 6 of the same kids, she finds the same personalities in different bodies every year!

[LuvMy2Kidz]

Our next door neighbor's kid drives me crazy!!!
He's very loud, I don't think he can NOT scream, even when he's talking he's screaming! He NEVER listens, and argues about everything. he never lets ds pick what they play, he always has to do what HE wants to do. DS is so laid back he lets this boy walk all over him and it sickens me. He's ds's only "real" friend and he lives right next door so I can't really NOT let ds play with him. DS has started picking up the bad behavior and I am really thankful that ds started school last week and isn't around this boy as much. But we signed ds up for soccer, and guess what, the boy next door is on his team UGH!

[Liz]

Originally posted by ladylee
It's not so much the children, but the parents for not giving their kids the tools they need and for not supervising inappropriate behavior.

Hey, let's not always blame the parents. There are certain personality types (children and adults) that rub me the wrong way. I don't think it has anything to do with how these people were raised, they were just born that way. And I was born this way!

[MamaMonica]

There was one dc that really bothered me- she was totally wild and bossy and pushy-- it was just her personality and she had an older brother and she'd lock my dd in her playhouse and push the door shut. I started avoiding them...

[mountain]

mamapoppins, u are not alone!
There is this one girl in my ds' class, everytime I sit down she is on my lap, touching me, leaning on me...it bugs me!!! amd i feel guilty about it...maybe her home life isn't affectionate, I don't know. I wish I could like her better tho'

[ladylee]

Hey, let's not always blame the parents. There are certain personality types (children and adults) that rub me the wrong way. I don't think it has anything to do with how these people were raised, they were just born that way. And I was born this way! -Liz

Umm-I don't always blame the parents--in my particular circumstance it just so happens it has a *lot* to do with the parenting style. Example? Child (age four or so) with uzi watergun in pool chasing other children and knocking them down by swinging uzi watergun. Parent busy talking on cell phone completely oblivious to what child is doing. That's the sort of thing I'm talking about, and am exposed to on a daily basis .

[mama-t]

I just had a group playdate over the other day (5 kids, one mom), and this topic made me laugh b/c of my reaction to one of the little ones.
She is a strong, engaging, active girl; as well as a 'tattle tale', bossy, pushy, un-happy with our toys, foods (gotta love that : ), and all in all was driving me nuts. Mom told me she is going through a tough time, just being contrary at home, general un-happiness. BTDT.

When it is just ds and her, though, we have a swimmingly nice time. They play well together and all in all, get along well.

Man, I just gotta watch those reactions!

[sea island mama]

I find it's not necessarily the other kid that bothers me as much as the way my dd behaves around them. There is one in particular that she used to see all the time (3-4 times a week at various playgroups) & they just loved each other, but it was almost like a sibling thing the way they would squabble (although it seems to me that dd was always doing things in fun & maybe getting a little rough; the other girl was quite surly & touchy a lot of the time). Neither of them acted that way with any other kids (so the other mom says) & it was finally the other girl's mom that started keeping her home (I have a worse time with dd at home than anywhere else & she had no problems with that, so it worked out). They still see each other every couple of weeks & run & hug when they see each other, but still act the same way once they start playing.
T I have more trouble coping with the other kids' parents, especially since they are all having their 2nd kids, supplementing with formula & circumcising all the boys , even after all the info I've given them .

[Imonion2]

DD has a few girlfriends that I would rather not have to spend time with, but as many here have done, grin and bear it for the time they are at my house.

However, I have had to discontinue a friendship she had because of the mother of the other girl. That mother made several comments to her daughter and other moms in the school that eventually got back to me about my family. Then, she didn't have the guts to talk to me about the issue. Finally, she is very religious and made it her mission to get my dd to her church any chance she could get. I finally told her, we have our own church and would prefer to keep their friendship out of churches, theirs and ours. Well, she ignored it and finally I made the decision that I could not take the stress this woman continued to create.