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Handling the child support/visitation issue - Page 2

post #21 of 23
I am probably alone in this but I say don't spend one more penny taking your child to see this other parent. There has to be some effort on her part to either pick up the child or to give you some money so that you won't be in such dire straits. Since legally there is no CS that means legally there is no visitation. I know you want what is best for your child but you are stressed with this money situation. A stressed mommy is not the best mommy. I would treat her like an auntie and get over the guilt involved in ending the relationship. She can still call the child, email the child, send the child cards and come pick up the child herself. You are enabling her bad behavior. You are making it easy on her to do nothing, including providing for and driving to see the little one. Trust your gut. You think she is lying about having no money, you are probably right. Don't make the drive. See if she picks up and does it herself, and if she doesn't? Is she really the kind of parent that long term you want your child closely associated with? In many ways you are much better off than those here who have traditional relationships that are over. You can truly choose what you want to make of your life. Right now you are choosing to cling to the past, you are trying to hold someone responsible for your child who isn't being responsible at all and who you feel is lying to you, and impoverishing yourself out of some misguided sense of owing something to this woman. I don't know how to help you with the car issue but I would talk to a lawyer about that one.
post #22 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by angilyn View Post
Since legally there is no CS that means legally there is no visitation.
This is flat wrong. So much so that my custody order states in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS that visitation cannot be withheld due to non-receipt of CS and payment of CS cannot be withheld due to interference with visitation.


Quote:
Originally Posted by angilyn View Post
I know you want what is best for your child but you are stressed with this money situation. A stressed mommy is not the best mommy. I would treat her like an auntie and get over the guilt involved in ending the relationship. She can still call the child, email the child, send the child cards and come pick up the child herself. You are enabling her bad behavior. You are making it easy on her to do nothing, including providing for and driving to see the little one. Trust your gut. You think she is lying about having no money, you are probably right. Don't make the drive. See if she picks up and does it herself, and if she doesn't? Is she really the kind of parent that long term you want your child closely associated with? In many ways you are much better off than those here who have traditional relationships that are over. You can truly choose what you want to make of your life.
The ex is not an auntie, she is this child's other parent, whom he loves and loves spending time with. It's unfortunate that Faerieshadow is put in the position of covering this person's slack, but she is doing it for their son's sake, to facilitate him being with someone he loves and adores. I find it mind blowing that people think it's fine to cut off a child's contact with the other parent for reasons like financial irresponsiblity. Having a difficult co-parent sucks, but the child's right to a relationship with the other parent is paramount. I feel for the OP here and really admire her for doing the right thing and being the bigger person for the sake of the innocent party in this situation.
post #23 of 23
I stand by what I say. I feel the OP is very stressed, the other "parent" seems to be doing little or nothing for the child. Let that "parent" step up to the bat and do the right thing. It should not be all on the birth mommy to do the right thing. If the other woman feels like she is really a parent or mom, she will do her part. So far she doesn't seem to be doing much and the Op thinks she is lying as well. As far as legal visitation and legal CS being not linked, this is true. But what I was trying to say was that neither of these things can be enforced in this case. The other woman is not acting like a parent, that is why I suggested an Auntie relationship so that some contact would still go on. It is hard sometimes to have to look at one's own responsibilty in a situation such as this. But IMP the Op is doing too much and expecting way too little from the other woman. Again, if that woman wants a parental relationship, she will make it happen and that includes going to see the child, and or giving the Op some money to help out. For all we know this other parent is doing the female version of the dead beat dad.
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