child wiped nose on my dress - Page 2

[mammal_mama]

Well, I'd certainly want to know if my 7yo had wiped her nose on someone else's clothes. I wouldn't want her to be humiliated, and I wouldn't punish her. I'd want to know, 'cause if she were doing stuff like that (as a developmentally normal 7yo), I'd feel a need to watch her more closely, and spend more time talking about social niceties. I'd feel like somehow I'd fallen down on the job, for her to not realize by age 7 that you just don't do that.

Of course, in the run-by kind of situation the OP just described, I can understand the OP just letting it go and not bringing it up to the parent.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Nature

wow.
harsh.
I'm glad the mama whose coat my dd ruined didn't have a reaction like that.

I didn't see Xoe's response as harsh. She said she'd tell the child to use a tissue, and inform the parents of what happened. It's not like she said she'd let loose an avalanche of rage and humiliate the poor child or the parents.

Also, while I wouldn't be harsh to a child who ruined my coat -- I'd certainly feel that the child's parents should offer to replace the ruined item.

And of course you probably offered to do this -- it's not my business one way or the other. But maybe the mama didn't react harshly because she knew you were aware of what happened and would be willing to rectify the damage.

Actually, I still wouldn't react harshly to the child, even if the parents did nothing to right the wrong -- and I wouldn't go off on the parents or demand anything, either. But I would be quietly offended if such a thing happened and there were no move to make restitution.

[llamalluv]

Why didn't she wipe her nose on HER OWN clothes?!

[chfriend]

all bets are off when you play freeze tag around here! Don't wear your good coat!!

Kudos to the OP for being a good sport.

Here's how I read it: If someone posted: a 7 year old came up and kicked me in the shin, what do you think I should have done, there'd be outraged post after outraged post saying a 7 year old should be old enough to know blah blah blah....If the post said, I was playing soccer with a 7 year old and they overshot and kicked me in the leg....the reaction is (appropriately) different.

In a wintertime freeze tag game with little kids, some snot may end up on your clothes. Those of you without 7 year olds, take warning!! Did the kid un-freeze you? Was s/he it? Were you? I love to play freeze tag with the kids! But I'm liable to end up slightly bruised, muddy, cold .... and maybe a little messier than I planned!

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

Why didn't she wipe her nose on HER OWN clothes?!

'Cause snot is yucky and she didn't want to mess up her pretty outfit?

[octobermom]

I'd pretty much just handle it the way I've done with my own child at varies ages and reasons or daycare kids etc.. No no honey not on clothes here lets find a tissue. If child asks why I answer if not I just redirrect as politely and as firmly as I need to be appropiate in the situation.

[chfriend]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

Why didn't she wipe her nose on HER OWN clothes?!

Just a guess? Really into the game, nose running from cold, not entirely aware it was runny, wiped on the fly as she un-froze or froze somebody.

Freeze tag is serious stuff!

[Ruthla]

If that happened to me, I would have told the child "wipe your nose on your own shirt!" or "Please don't use my dress as a tissue- if you need a tissue then ask for one", directly to the child at the time of the incident. I'd probably not involve her parents.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

Why didn't she wipe her nose on HER OWN clothes?!

My child never ever would get something gooey on his clothes on pupose. If he did, he'd immediately take it off. But he was always very happy to wipe it on MY shirt.

In the OP's situation, I'd assume it was a bit of an accident.

I have seen my ds, at age 5, discretely wiping his hands on an other person. He was playing in a creek and dried his hands by patting someone on the back. It was really funny.

If a three-ish yo wiped their nose on me, I'd actually feel pretty honored (and amused) that he or she was that comfortable with me but I would gently suggest a tissue be used in the future.

[Potty Diva]

Also, while I wouldn't be harsh to a child who ruined my coat -- I'd certainly feel that the child's parents should offer to replace the ruined item.

And what if the parents couldn't afford to replace the item? If a 3 yr old wipes her face on my seude coat I would say- dang! I should have kept it out of reach of a 3 year old.

I wouldn't offer to replace an item because I could never afford to replace a seude anything.

[Ruthla]

Wiping snot on a coat would ruin it? I though clothes could be washed, or at least dry cleaned?

[Potty Diva]

Ruth- I was referring the poster who mentioned her daughter wiped her candycaned face on someone's seude coat.

Yeah- snot washable.

I even think candycane+seude+water water= clean coat?

[Slabobbin]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

And what if the parents couldn't afford to replace the item? If a 3 yr old wipes her face on my seude coat I would say- dang! I should have kept it out of reach of a 3 year old.

I wouldn't offer to replace an item because I could never afford to replace a seude anything.

I may be reading you wrong, actually I *hope* that I am. But are you saying that if your child ruins something that belongs to someone else that it is the *other persons* fault because they should have kept it up? And that because you do not have extra funds that you would do nothing and basically say "Oh well, I'm poor so it's your problem"? :

As for the rest of the thread, threads like this are why I get so confused reading the GD forum. In some threads one thing seems to be accepted as GD but then in others, like this one, just telling a child "Please don't wipe your snot on me" is considered SNARKY!? I don't get it.

[Potty Diva]

I may be reading you wrong, actually I *hope* that I am. But are you saying that if your child ruins something that belongs to someone else that it is the *other persons* fault because they should have kept it up? And that because you do not have extra funds that you would do nothing and basically say "Oh well, I'm poor so it's your problem"?

What I said was, that if it was MY coat and I left it down low then I would think, man I should have put that up higher.

And ya know if I don't have any money to repair or replace something, how would me offering to replace something matter? And if the person said, "yes I would appreciate you replacing it" then what?

And yes, if you go somewhere children are, use some common sense. Especially a place where toddlers or young children will be running around.

Just like, if you have a wine glass, put it out of the way when you set it down.
something you want left alone, put it out of reach or in another room

It's called personal responsibility.

And while yes, a parent should watch after their child, others need to take responsibility as well.

[Potty Diva]

slab- snark isn't saying "please don't do that" or "let me get you a tissue."

Snark is ACK! Gross! STOP it!

It's humiliating and embarrassing. Why react off the cuff when you don't know the intent?

[Slabobbin]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

slab- snark isn't saying "please don't do that" or "let me get you a tissue."

Snark is ACK! Gross! STOP it!

It's humiliating and embarrassing. Why react off the cuff when you don't know the intent?

Well first, I disagree with saying "Ack!" or "Gross" is snarky (eta - my definition of "snarky" being snide or smart alek). Second, I think that reacting off the off is often a natural instinctual reaction. When I see a spider, I jump back...I don't think about it, I just do it. If some random kid wiped snot on me - I am likely to jump back and say "Eww" before I even think.

Lastly, unless my child had some type of developmental or social problems/issues, I would WANT them to be embarrassed if they were to wipe their nose on someone! Sometimes a little natural consequenses work when all of the teaching in the world doesn't.

[Slabobbin]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

And ya know if I don't have any money to repair or replace something, how would me offering to replace something matter? And if the person said, "yes I would appreciate you replacing it" then what?

I don't know but it would be your responsibility to figure *something* out. You are responsible for your child and for the damage they cause. Maybe barter, offer to do odd jobs for them in leiu of money, etc.

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

And while yes, a parent should watch after their child, others need to take responsibility as well.

I disagree. I put the ball in the parent's court. People should not have to worry about their possessions being ruined by other people's children. In the case of someone's coat being ruined or soiled...I don't even know that the person *could* do anything. I mean are you really supposed to take so much "personal responsibility" that you don't even wear your coat out when it is cold in fear that some random child is going to soil it?

[chfriend]

If I'm in my house having tea and a child comes up and soils my expensive suit, maybe I have some claim against the parent. Of course, my approach is not to wear anything like that right now!

If I'm out playing freeze tag and my coat gets dirty .... nope, nobody owes me anything.

[monkey's mom]

Originally Posted by Slabobbin

Well first, I disagree with saying "Ack!" or "Gross" is snarky (eta - my definition of "snarky" being snide or smart alek). Second, I think that reacting off the off is often a natural instinctual reaction. When I see a spider, I jump back...I don't think about it, I just do it. If some random kid wiped snot on me - I am likely to jump back and say "Eww" before I even think.

I agree with this.

My, "ACK!" wouldn't be designed to make the child feel badly, it would be a natural expression that would indicate surprise and distaste--I'm OK conveying those to children.

[Nature]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

And what if the parents couldn't afford to replace the item? If a 3 yr old wipes her face on my seude coat I would say- dang! I should have kept it out of reach of a 3 year old.

I wouldn't offer to replace an item because I could never afford to replace a seude anything.

Well, I can't afford to replace a suede coat. I also didn't offer to. I apologized, and tried to do what I could to wipe it off.. but without actually taking the coat and using water on it, etc.. I couldn't really attempt to clean it. Nor did the other woman make any moves to do so.

I was mortified. I was beyond embarrassed. So much so that if no one had actually SEEN my daughter do it, I might be tempted to take her and run. But someone watched her do it, and I needed to fess up to it. My daughter had no idea it was inappropriate, and shaming would do nothing. I helped her wash up, and let her know what she did.. but really, she makes no connection. So the guilt lies soley on me.

This was a dance studio reception room. The coat was unattended just laying on the couch. Should my daughter know better because of her age? Probably. But because of other social/developmental issues.. she does not.

It probably doesn't matter much, but the woman wasn't really upset and seemed like she didn't care. I think I was more upset than she was.

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Wiping snot on a coat would ruin it? I though clothes could be washed, or at least dry cleaned?

You might be right. I'm not sure. I don't own anything suede.