New with so many questions

[BCFD]

After looking at all types of schools for my DD (waldorf, private, co-op) I really find that Montessori is a good fit for my children and family. I have toured 3 different M schools in our area and found one that was awful, one that I liked a lot, and one that I fell in love with. Of course the one that DP and I love is $$$$!! For one half day a week it's $210/month! They don't have any slots open, but they are letting us start DD out at one half day per week and gradually working her into a 2 or 3 day slot. She just turned 3 in Nov.

I'm going to get some books and I think I have read every Mont site on the internet in the past 2 weeks, but I have some questions for the school. In the meantime I thought I could get some opinions/advice here.

We do a lot of Mont jobs at home (scooping, pouring, wooden beads, etc.) but my DD gets so stubborn sometimes when I am introducing a new job to her. For example, yesterday I brought out a new job that she has never seen. Wooden beads of different shapes, sizes, and colors and the job was to group the like beads together on tiny porcelain plates. She freaked out on me when I was showing her what to do and screamed, "NO MOMMY THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PLAY THIS GAME!" She rarely throws tantrums, so her reaction surprised me a little bit. Here are my questions:

1. Should I tell her we're not "playing" and that this is a job? Or is it ok to use the word "play" sometimes? Or is everything considered a "job" when it's not actual free "play" time? I said, "Let mommy show you how to do this job, please" and she just got so mad at me that I had to put everything away until she cooled off. Of course watching me put the new fun beads away made her very angry with me.

2. I know this is a question for the school, but I am wondering what will happen if she reacts like that with the teacher. I doubt she will because I think she was just testing her limits with me. She rarely behaves like this. Honestly, I think she's starting to get sick because this is how she acts when she's not feeling well. I just wonder how most M schools handle children that want to do a job "their way" and won't listen to new instructions.

3. Is it ok to just let them do a job however they want? For example, we were scooping black and white beans with a ladle from one bowl to another bowl. At some point, DD stopped using the ladle and just started using her fingers to play in the beans. I let her do that because I figured she was interested in their texture (and why NOT let her play with them, ya know?). But at school, will they direct her to do it the "right" way? Should I have said, "please do it correctly?" or should they just explore however they want?

4. If they are pouring water and the water goes everywhere - off the tray and onto the table and all over the floor - do they stop and clean that up right away? Or do they finish their job and then clean everything up at the very end. If they are scooping beans or rice or whatever and it starts flying all over the place, should I/teacher step in and ask them to pick their mess up? Or is this something that they should be able to do and then clean up when they are finished?

We sometimes do our jobs at a little table, but lately I am introducing her to the work rug and we're doing our jobs on the floor (since this is how she will obviously be doing it at school).

Thanks for the help!! I just want to be consistent with what they teach her at school when we do certain tasks at home.

[KBecks]

I am also new to Montessori but I would not stress too much over your home work vs. how she will do in school. I think if she doesn't want to do the work the way you have intended you can put it away, or allow her to play the way she chooses to. School will be different and a different atmosphere and I think that sometimes our kids will do things for a teacher when they may resist or try to test limits with a parent.

Kudos to you for giving her these early experiences though!

[mightymoo]

My DD does not take instruction from me well, the scene you described is exactly how many of our interactions go. One day DH came home to find DD and I standing at the side of the road arguing about what exactly a telephone pole is. She does not care that I have 26 years on her, she knows better! Just yesterday she was putting togehter her wooden marble run upside down and I tried to explain how it goes the other way and she got very mad at me.

Honestly, I don't try to maintain a montessori environment at home. The works are for school, her toys are for home, I choose toys with an educational eye, but I don't try to tell her how to use them. Honestly, they don't get that nit picky at school either. They would have no problem with a bead work involving a ladle being used with fingers, that's just a different concept (the pincher grasp) that she needs to work on. Many of the works have multiple ways they can be used and children work up to harder concepts as they advance. I've often seen my DD do works that she is not yet capable of doing the intended way, but she does what she can with it and then moves on.

I figure I'm sending her to school to get exposed to the montessori environment and materials, she does not need to do that at home. That said, I do still believe in bringing the spirit of montessori home, in that we do try to empower the children to do things for themselves as much as possible.

Even though my DD is just like yours and does not want to be told how to do things by me, she does great at school. She take the instruction from the teachers just fine and does the works the way she is supposed to, from all I can tell she is a star Montessori student, always busy, always learning, doing great. I have no problem with letting her do it her way at home and let the professionals at school work with her on the montessori materials.