Thinking of Admitting Myself

[MrsV]

Hi, there. This is my first post, and I'm sorry to say that it's not a very cheery one. I am not a mother, but lurk on the boards anyways as I plan to one day be one. I hope. I am not sure what exactly my diagnose would be/is, but I am depressed. I am currently taking Effexor XR and I also have a prescription for clonazipam (sp?) to take when I'm especially anxious. I am a negative person, who has suicidal thoughts on a very regular basis. I do not consider myself suicidal, mainly because I don't have the balls to actually do it. I do, however, spend far too much time trying to push such thoughts out of my head. I'm negative, I'm moody, I'm sensitive, I'm miserable. My relationship is constantly rocky due to my depression. I have attended therapy in the past, and have found it to be unhelpful. I have extremely low self esteem and cannot bring myself to speak to someone I don't know/don't have much time with about things that I am so ashamed of, the thoughts and feelings that I have. Due to this, I am considering visiting my regular doctor to discuss admitting myself to a hospital. I don't know what else to do. There was recently a time when I thought I might be pregnant, and my fiancee flat out told me that he didn't think that I was capable of taking care of anyone with my outlook. I don't know how to totally revamp myself, get rid of the overbearing depressed thoughts and voices. I don't know if admitting myself is the right way, but intensive therapy seems like it may give me a start without giving me days to weeks in between sessions with a therapist. Is there anyone out there with an opinion on this??

[Phoenix_Rising]

to you. I have never been admitted but my partner has 8 or 9 times. I would really encourage you to see your doctor and talk candidly with her/him about what is going on inside of you. I would also strongly suggest that you see a therapist. I know you stated that you have been in the past - maybe you could ask here (try in the Finding your tribe section maybe) for a recommendation. For me something like that was easier when it was someone who came highly recommended. And if you can find a good therapist they *should* be able to see you more often than every couple of weeks. My partner sees her therapist twice a week on difficult weeks. It is definately hard on the pocketbook but it is necessary. Even with a highly supportive partner (and it sounds like yours may not be in a place right now where he can provide this support) depression can be very hard to deal with. Are your friends supportive? Can you talk to them at all about what is going on?

Oh, and I'd also suggest checking out a local NAMI support group.

[captain optimism]

I think the idea of going to your doctor, if you trust and like the doctor, is great. I am not sure (since I'm just reading a post on a message board, I'm not a therapist, etc.) about whether you need to be admitted, but perhaps your doctor can help you figure that out.

A good therapist would help, but not every therapist is so great. I would also say that if you are taking medication for depression and it isn't working, you probably need to see a psychiatrist rather than a GP to get help adjusting the medication.

I am mainly posting to wish you well and to say that I hope you find good help.

[alicia622]

I second the opinion of going to a psychiatrist and also try to find a therapist you can relate to. Several years ago, I was really miserable and started having suicidal thoughts. I decided to request meds and began therapy. I found the medication worked wonders (I started on Celexa) I swear I could feel my brain tingling and eventually I started to look up (literally, instead of always having my head looking down to the ground) and I was amazed by all that was going on around me. I will never forget the day I realized I was not trapped by my tunnel vision. Therapy was a godsend for me. I had tried it in the past and had a poor match with the therapist- this time, I found someone who listened and prodded me just enough to get me to listen and try different ways to do things. If she had pushed any harder I probably would have gotten pissed off. I think you also have to be in the frame of mind that you are willing to do the work. It's hard but once you start, it seems to snowball and you can get yourself out of the pattens you have gotten so comfortable with.

I don't think it's wise to take meds only when you are in such a bad space. Meds won't fix the behaviors you know?

I hope you find some peace.

[elizaMM]

I've been there. Clearly, your medication isn't working. When your medication is working better, your perspective on therapy and your ability to get something out of it will improve.

If I were you, I'd start with trying to improve things with medication changes before admitting myself. But if you feel like you really need a break, and you can afford it, and you're not worried about the stigma (bless you), and you really need a break, go for it! If you feel like being taken care of is what you need, there are places that will do that for you.

Good luck.

[canadianchick]

to you. Do whatever you need to do to help yourself feel better. Personally, I think that treatment/recovery is a two pronged approach.... meds and therapy (as was stated above).

[abbylotus]

i agree with all the other posters. i have commited myself voluntarily four times (maybe five?) and found it the best way to treat my self when i was in severe crisis. it may or may not be for you at this time, but a pysch or doc can help you make that decision. i have learned in my frequent flying to the pysch ward is that any thoughts of suicide are not to be brushed off or taken lightly. it's serious stuff. not healthy. i, too, used to have uncontrollable and controllable thoughts of self harm...both typical suicide jazz and the sick pyschotic variety. however, with proper medication (and that took all of those trips to the hospital and out patient help) those thoughts do not enter my mind anymore. when i was really sick i was negative towards therapy as well....i tried it a number of years ago and it didn't help. once you start feeling better every thing will click into place. i now see a therapist on a regular basis along with a pysch. you WILL get better, you CAN get better-please reach out for help.

peace to you.

[abbylotus]

mama, how are you doing?

[MrsV]

I'm currently on flma. I've attempted to get admitted, and have failed. I was supposed to have yet another appointment with yet another new person today, but was cancelled on because of the incredible amounts of snow here. I'm just numb right now. I've begged, pleaded and called multiple places for help, none of whom will help. So now I wait till Friday when I'll hopefully have an encouraging appointment - none of the others have been.

[abbylotus]

[heidigaz]

mrsv -

you know we are here for you...and hope things work out...

[christigpa]

MrsV? How did Friday go? Hopefully you're in a safe place right now...

[abbylotus]

MrsV? How are you?

[lil_stinkyfeet]

[Phoenix_Rising]

I am hoping you are in a safe place right now.