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Feeling resentful

post #1 of 68
Thread Starter 
Since my sister announced her wedding plans months ago, I have been anticipating stress and anxiety. And sure enough, five days before the event, here I am...

This is a destination wedding. We are going to Jamaica on Thursday. I suppose I should be excited, as the flight, hotel room, and all meals will cost me no money at all. And it's a supremely fancy hotel. And the weather will be warm. The beach will be gorgeous. It's a rare opportunity for my children to go on a luxurious vacation (and for dh and me, who never travel). Why am I feeling resentful?

First. I will be having to take 2 days off from work. As a teacher, this feels like quite a burden; I now have hours' worth of substitute planning and photocopying to complete before Wednesday night. When I got married 10 Octobers ago, I only took of two days for MY OWN wedding!

Second. Although the major expenses will be covered by my parents, we've purchased TONS of clothes for the various events during the "wedding weekend." Most of my family, and all of my sister's friends, undoubtedly have closets full of "resortwear." We did not. We will now, hundreds and hundreds of dollars later...no that we'll ever wear it again.

Third. Traveling. There are NO good flight times, we have to go through customs. Need I say more.

Fourth. The whole. entire. thing. I think about it, and I can't believe my sister expects all of her friends and family to go through this great expense and inconvenience for her. I mean, obviously when you're the bride, you get your special day. The world stops to revolve around you for a while. Then it's over. Okay. She can have her special day. But does she really need THREE? (Yes, events planned for all three days. Booked solid.)

End of tirade. Would you feel this way, or would you just be happy for a "free" trip? If the latter, please help change my attitude.
post #2 of 68
I can help make you feel a bit better..I was invited to one of these and had to pay all my travel expenses as well...so in a way, maybe you can consider yourself a bit lucky?

ps...be careful, leave yourself extra time, Mercury will be in retrograde for your trip
post #3 of 68
It's your sister. I have three sisters. I get it. Is she normally the princess of the family? That's all I have to say. Sending you hugs mama. Maybe just drink a lot. I think I'm done dispensing valuable advice now !
post #4 of 68
It does sound like a lot of work and expense. But it will be a beautiful trip. Breathe slowly. A lot. I once had a job where taking time off was a lot of work. I totally get that.

I would tell you to be grateful for this beautiful trip but if it's not your thing, well it's not your thing.

It's only a few days...only a few days..Jamaica will be beautiful. Enjoy yourself as best you can.

I have to be honest though, I don't envy you. It just sounds crazy. and I have always wanted to go to Jamaica to meet my pen pal. And with everything booked for events..that's a bit depressing too..like what if you just want to veg on the beach for a day.
post #5 of 68
It sounds to be beautiful but at a cost. Once again, there is no such thing as a free puppy, yk.
post #6 of 68
Sounds like the most irritating parts of this whole thing will be behind you once you get there. I'm a 4th grade teacher too and I totally understand the burden of sub plans. But once you get there, half your traveling will be behind you, your kids at school will be taken care of, your family's nice new clothes will be ready to have fun in, and you will get to celebrate a wonderful event! Enjoy it!
post #7 of 68
With all due respect, I would try to enjoy it What a treat to go away in the middle of the winter, to a beautiful resort. Can you tell I am in the Northeast? You want your kids to have a good time, they will pick up on your mood and feelings. Good luck with the travel. I hope it's wonderful for you.
post #8 of 68
Ugh, I feel for you. Sub plans make me .

Traveling just plain stresses me out... but you WILL have fun once you're there. Just keep telling yourself that.
post #9 of 68
Honestly I wouldn't. First I wouldn't have spent a ton of money to get clothes so I wouldn't have that to stress about. Summer clothes would have worked for me and if I needed a few(it is only three days) fancy things then that's about it. Your probably not going to go through a big big hassle at customs. The only thing different we had to do from PR was an extra trip through a different x-ray machine. The extra activities, well I think that depends on you and your sis. As long as I showed up to the ones that were most important to her my sister wouldn't care if I didn't attend every single one. The work part yeah that does sounds like a PITA. Are you normally easily stressed?
post #10 of 68
I'm a New Englander **GO PATS**, so call me biased, but frankly I'm envious.

I agree w/jeca, I wouldn't have spent hundreds on new clothes; at worst, I'd have gone to a consignment shop to get whatever I truly needed.

Yeah, getting the sub's stuff together will be a bit of a pain, but come on, you're going to Jamaica!!! For free!!!

Sounds to me that you've got some issues with your sister that don't have anything to do with her destination wedding. Maybe that's a whole 'nuther thread?
post #11 of 68
I'm a former teacher and know the pita that sub plans are. It will be ok. Your students will be fine for 2 days. Vacations are always lots of work, but just think of the warm, sunny, fun times you will have. Like you said, you wouldn't be able to take this kind of vacation any other way, so think of how lucky you are to be going. As for the clothes, as soon as you get home, wash them up and put them up on ebay or take them to a local resale shop. No you won't get all your money back, but you'll get some and whatever $ you don't get back, think of that as how much your luxury vacation cost. Try to just go and have fun, you'll most likely never get a trip like this again.
post #12 of 68
I'm jealous that you get to go to Jamaica at no (direct) cost to you, but three days of wedding stuff! Blech! I hope y'all get a chance to "get lost" and miss one of the days.

If you aren't planning to wear the clothes again, sell 'em on eBay when you get home! At least you will get some money back.

Like a pp said, with the sub stuff, sure, it sucks, but at least it will be done by the time you get on the plane!

Try to enjoy yourself and don't feel bad about feeling resentful! I get annoyed when someone expects me to go somewhere without giving me a day's notice (like, invite to lunch at last minute). Some of us are creatures of habit!
post #13 of 68
Thread Starter 
I'm the only fool who hasn't learned to multi-quote, so I'll try to respond to as many as I can...

Yes, lots of my issues revolve around my being a creature of habit! I'd sooner stay home and do what I did yesterday than go out and do something much more fabulous.

Issues with my sister? What makes you say that?

To those who can empathize with the prospect of sub plans, I appreciate that!

And to all you New Englanders...we're in CT, up here too, so I should be really happy about grabbing a few days in the sun, right? But instead, up until I did all this shopping for clothes, I had been secretly hoping a huge Nor' Easter would blast us and make the trip impossible!
post #14 of 68
go, and have fun! tell your sis you can't make all the events. Go to a shower (if there is one), the rehearsal, the bachelorette party, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding. Don't do the rest of them, just don't! Go hang out on the beach with your family.
As for the clothes, I would take them all back and hit the thrift shops instead. All the ones near me have resort wear out right now.
Go and have fun!! I have lived through 8 CT winters in my life and think I would have done just about anything to go to Jamaica for a few days in the middle of it!
post #15 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by kymholly View Post

I agree w/jeca, I wouldn't have spent hundreds on new clothes; at worst, I'd have gone to a consignment shop to get whatever I truly needed.

Yeah, getting the sub's stuff together will be a bit of a pain, but come on, you're going to Jamaica!!! For free!!!

Sounds to me that you've got some issues with your sister that don't have anything to do with her destination wedding. Maybe that's a whole 'nuther thread?
I'm probably the only person here who doesn't include Jamaica as a desired vacation spot (except for the food ); I'd much rather go to, say, Siberia or Alaska

That said, I'd still be pretty happy about a free vacation to Jamaica. I wouldn't have felt the need to buy hundreds and hundreds of dollars of new clothes that I would never wear again though. In fact, I'm not even sure what kind of clothes you mean.
post #16 of 68
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by skyastara View Post
I'd much rather go to, say, Siberia or Alaska
: You know, you just made me realize...it could be a whole lot worse.
post #17 of 68
Go and have fun. I'm a teacher so I get the sub plan thing but really, it will be worth it. My sister got married in Key West and it was so great to have my whole extended family in such a beautiful place. We all have such wonderful memories. We paid all of our own expenses including my DH and I being in the wedding but it's my only sister.

Jamaica is beautful. Just soak in the mellow attitude of the people and roll with it.
post #18 of 68
I would go, enjoy myself to the extent that was possible, and come home and put those clothes on ebay lickety split.
post #19 of 68
Sub plans? Thats what writing exercises (hhmm, does 4th grade write narratives in your district? a good hours-worth of narratives?), read aloud, weekly readers and math review work are all about eh?

I also prefer to stay home-- but it is a special time and your children get to do something really neat (or are they too young to know?)
post #20 of 68
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ok View Post
Sub plans? Thats what writing exercises (hhmm, does 4th grade write narratives in your district? a good hours-worth of narratives?), read aloud, weekly readers and math review work are all about eh? Is your sub pot-luck or do you know him/her? If they can teach, you're golden. If not, thats where the review work comes, right? How about a newspaper scavenger hunt to chew up some time? (reading for purpose, eh?) OK, not meaning to be too goofy, but kids are pretty resilient. I think we're much more intense about their days than most of them are.

I also prefer to stay home-- but it is a special time and your children get to do something really neat (or are they too young to know?)
So far, Thursday morning:
9:00-10:00 Narrative writing prompt (practice for state standardized test)
10:00-10:15 Snack
Thanks! I'm part-way there!!

My children are definitely of the age to appreciate this trip. Ds is 7 and is always talking about how his friends go to "the islands" for all the school vacations (yes, we live in the kind of area where everyone else has $) so I'm a little excited for him because now, at least, he will have had one experience on tha type of vacation. As for dd...she's almost 4, and she's a pure pleasure nearly 100% of the time, so I know I'll have a lovely time with her.

Okay...feeling a little better...
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