How I was MISTREATED today...

[Celticqueen]

Well, I just got back from a baby shower, and felt quite mistreated there.

And trust me, self-pity is usually not on my to-do list.

So, I get there and it's time for games. Well of course, chairs are in a circle and there's a couch. I immediately go to the couch to breastfeed my one year old. As I'm nursing, I get up for a split second to adjust my shirt and I go to sit down and my seat is taken!!

I look at her, she looks at me and doesn't care, even though she saw me sitting there nursing.

Astonished, I didn't even say anything, though I probably should have.

Then I looked around for somewhere else to sit, and all the seats are taken. I walk around and finally say outloud, "Ok, so there's nowhere for me to sit now?"

And some grumpy old lady said, "I guess not, you'll just have to sit on the ground hon"

Then as I tried to nurse him, I kept getting stepped on and no one even cared to apologize.

I left early and will be letting the hostess know how I was treated.

In my opinion, EVERYONE should be willing to give up their seat to a breastfeeding mother.

We deserve a seat to breastfeed in, and shouldn't have to sit on the ground if we don't HAVE TO.

I don't exactly know if this was because they were discriminating against breastfeeding, but it was still rude, regardless.

Hugs and sympathy welcome, and thank you for reading!

-Caitrin

[Celticqueen]

Would it have been rude for me to ask someone to give up their seat?

See, it's a tricky line that I didn't want to cross...

I *thought* I was doing the right thing by just giving someone the opportunity to offer their seat, and when it didn't happen, I just shelled up inside and didn't say anything.

Because if I'm ever in a situation like this again, I need to know a polite way to stand up for myself...maybe.

-Caitrin

[Bibicaffe]

Rude yes.

For me it's like:
1. Elderly people.
2. People with lower body casts.
3. Pregnant women.
4. Nursing mums.

So yes, rude. But honestly? Wouldn't have phased me. I have nursed on the ground many a time. Stepping on me? Depending on my mood: kill with kindness, or stand up and tell them all straight off, and leave.

:

[sapphire_chan]

WTF weren't there enough chairs for everyone? Lousy hostess. I mean, if there were a bunch of teenagers expected, they're usually cool with sitting on the floor, but when you invite a group of adults over, you get enough chairs for everyone even if you have to ask some guests to bring a couple chairs from home.

And next time you have to sit on the floor and people step on you--steal their chairs while they're up. And also say "HEY WATCH IT!"

( It drives me crazy in movies when the geeky main character drops a bunch of papers and everyone steps on them, who does that? Maybe people won't stop because they're busy, but normal people would step around the mess.)

Oh yeah, as far as how you actually could have handled the situation, you might've gone to the hostess and said "hey, Barb, it looks like you've run out of chairs here, is there another place I can go and sit?" And a good hostess would either promptly offer you her seat, or would go fetch another chair.

[Snowflower]

What?! Beyond rude!! This was a BABY SHOWER?! You're nursing you're BABY
and they want to act like THAT? geez. I'm sorry. I'd be so mad and hurt. Tell the hostess. She should've said something.

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by Snowflower

What?! Beyond rude!! This was a BABY SHOWER?! You're nursing you're BABY
and they want to act like THAT? geez. I'm sorry. I'd be so mad and hurt. Tell the hostess. She should've said something.

Well, even though I didn't say anything to her (I know, I should have), she came up to me as I was gathering my stuff, intuitively figuring out something was wrong and said, "Just so you know, 6 people who said they weren't goingt o show up, showed up today! I'm sorry there wasn't a seat for you"

So, I guess she was somewhat sympathetic...



I'm still bumed though. Thanks for your advice!

The hostess was my friend's mom, so it shouldn't be a hassel.

-Caitrin

[annettemarie]

I think it's more a rudeness issue than a breastfeeding one, though. I mean, it doesn't sound like they were saying "Hah, you disgusting breastfeeder! You must sit on the floor in the corner where we can't see you!" More like "You snooze, you lose. Not enough chairs, and now I have yours." I'm sorry it happened, though. It sounds like it made you feel really awful.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I think it's more a rudeness issue than a breastfeeding one, though. I mean, it doesn't sound like they were saying "Hah, you disgusting breastfeeder! You must sit on the floor in the corner where we can't see you!" More like "You snooze, you lose. Not enough chairs, and now I have yours." I'm sorry it happened, though. It sounds like it made you feel really awful.

Thinking more on this, what kind of person doesn't offer a chair to the woman holding a baby regardless of how the baby's being fed? I mean, unless everyone else there was arthritic, in casts, and/or 7+ months pregnant, there really isn't any excuse for them.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Thinking more on this, what kind of person doesn't offer a chair to the woman holding a baby regardless of how the baby's being fed? I mean, unless everyone else there was arthritic, in casts, and/or 7+ months pregnant, there really isn't any excuse for them.

Yep, that's what I meant too. Stealing a chair from a mama with a baby is wrong no matter how the baby is fed.

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I think it's more a rudeness issue than a breastfeeding one, though. I mean, it doesn't sound like they were saying "Hah, you disgusting breastfeeder! You must sit on the floor in the corner where we can't see you!" More like "You snooze, you lose. Not enough chairs, and now I have yours." I'm sorry it happened, though. It sounds like it made you feel really awful.

Are you saying this thread doesn't belong here?

If it doesn't, where else should I post it?

Something doesn't have to EXACTLY fit into a box at all times, does it?

I'm confused. Advice?

I guess I could have posted in off topic I suppose...

Just thought it belonged here.

Let me know.

-Caitrin

[_betsy_]

I don't think she was admonishing you for posting, I think she was trying to say that maybe you were reading too much into it.

Really, if 6 extra people showed up, I think most hosts would have trouble scrambling to find enough seating. And, if 6 extra people just showed up after RSVPing "no," well, that says something about the manners of the group, I think.

Sorry you were treated so rudely!

[annettemarie]

I was posting as a member, not as a moderator. If I thought it didn't belong here, I would have used my mad mod powers to move it. I'm just saying it was rude no matter what mama and baby they did it to.

[Irishcupcake]

Originally Posted by Bibicaffe

R
For me it's like:
1. Elderly people.
2. People with lower body casts.
3. Pregnant women.
4. Nursing mums.

Funny, my 15 year old brother and I came up with pretty much the same list as he and I were consistantly scrambling for seats at 2 different family Christmas functions...he being in a leg cast and me being pregnant.

OP, I'm sorry, that's a cruddy story. to you!

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Irishcupcake

Funny, my 15 year old brother and I came up with pretty much the same list as he and I were consistantly scrambling for seats at 2 different family Christmas functions...he being in a leg cast and me being pregnant.

OP, I'm sorry, that's a cruddy story. to you!

Tell him I think you guys should have sat on people's laps. Just gone, "can I hold your plate for a second?" and plopped yourself down.

(By the way, if you go to any parties with me after I start getting cumbersome, and you see me heading towards you, give up the chair quietly. )

[llamalluv]

"Just so you know, 6 people who said they weren't going to show up, showed up today! I'm sorry there wasn't a seat for you"

Maybe I'm just a mean hostess*, but I would have gone "Oh my! What a surprise! Unfortunately, I wasn't planning on you coming, since you responded to the invitation with a "No," so I really can't accommodate you today. I hope you understand that I don't have any chairs or food for you. Would you like a cup of coffee?"

I would say that aside from all those people who crashed being rude, your hostess was rude as well. Or perhaps simply inept. It is her job to ensure the comfort and enjoyment of her guests, and she didn't do a very good job of that.

*I am actually a very nice hostess. On invitations I send out, I generally write something like: "Please respond by <x date>. Lunch will be served." So people know I'm making food for those who are coming, and if they don't reply, or they reply no and crash, they will be filling up on coffee.

[grumpybear]

Definitely rude.
But I think it would be a stretch to say that they were discriminating against you because you were breastfeeding. For all you know, these women breastfed themselves. They probably just didn't have the proper etiquette when it comes to accommodating moms and babies.

[G8P4]

I think it's up to the hostess to try her best to ensure that everyone who wants a chair, has a chair. I’m the one who usually choses the floor, especially with a one year old….once my kids become mobile, even crawling mobile, my sitting in a chair days are over.

[angelcat]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I think it's more a rudeness issue than a breastfeeding one, though. I mean, it doesn't sound like they were saying "Hah, you disgusting breastfeeder! You must sit on the floor in the corner where we can't see you!" More like "You snooze, you lose. Not enough chairs, and now I have yours." I'm sorry it happened, though. It sounds like it made you feel really awful.

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Thinking more on this, what kind of person doesn't offer a chair to the woman holding a baby regardless of how the baby's being fed? I mean, unless everyone else there was arthritic, in casts, and/or 7+ months pregnant, there really isn't any excuse for them.

Totally agree.

Originally Posted by Celticqueen

Are you saying this thread doesn't belong here?

If it doesn't, where else should I post it?

Something doesn't have to EXACTLY fit into a box at all times, does it?

I'm confused. Advice?

I guess I could have posted in off topic I suppose...

Just thought it belonged here.

Let me know.

-Caitrin

I don't think it belongs here.

I do think you were treated VERY rudely, it jsut has nothing to do with how baby was being fed.

[MilkTrance]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Thinking more on this, what kind of person doesn't offer a chair to the woman holding a baby regardless of how the baby's being fed? I mean, unless everyone else there was arthritic, in casts, and/or 7+ months pregnant, there really isn't any excuse for them.

Young men treat me like I'm a piece of dog **** or invisible. I could be holding the baby and five bags in the other hand, struggling to open the doors to the mall, and they will breeze right by me.

I find older men much, much more gentlemanly in that respect. I guess because many of them have had babies of their own, so they "get" it.

[turtlewomyn]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

Really, if 6 extra people showed up, I think most hosts would have trouble scrambling to find enough seating. And, if 6 extra people just showed up after RSVPing "no," well, that says something about the manners of the group, I think.

Sorry you were treated so rudely!

Those are the six people who should have sat on the floor!!