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My Daughters having sex! - Page 2

post #21 of 54
I think it's great that your daughter feels she can come to you with such private information.

My elder dd, now 18, and I talked a lot (ad nauseum, according to her LOL) about safe sex and feelings and personal satisfaction and such and STILL I wonder if she's 'okay' so just keep talking and staying close. ((()))
post #22 of 54
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post #23 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Corinnebaby View Post
very good piece of advice. Very wise addition, you are absolutely right. I will be sure to bring this up to my daughter and also her boyfriend. There are so many things to know and i do wish that she would be crossing this path at an older age but the times now have changed. Thank you for all your love and support!
One other thing teens don't think about. But, more often than not, when a teenage girl gets pregnant and choses to have the baby, the father will be out of the picture within a few years. The boy really doesn't carry the same responsibility as the girl does. Neither one will ever imagine him leaving her with a child to raise alone, but in the end, he can. So, remind her that even if he is a "stand up guy" he is just a kid, and he most likely wont be there for long if things get complicated.

I am not saying that that is a bad thing, or that all teenage boys will run off to finish their life, but it is a reality that she needs to keep in mind when he says "Can't we just do it without a condom this one time, I just want to see what it's like".
post #24 of 54
It is very neat to read about the relationship between mom and daughter.

Yet... I would ask her to go and read in a couple of the forums here. She needs to understand that pregnancy is not something that happens only to those who are not responsible. There are women here who have got pregnant on every single method out there. I think this is something every teen should know, otherwise it is not a matter of a real decision but rather of ignorance.
post #25 of 54
Thread Starter 

Thank you!

In response to nextcommercial:
Yes, i do agree with your views. However, the fact that my daughter came to me i feel she was wise and wanted to avoid this situation. My daughter will be on birth control in the next week and I will be supplying her with condoms as well. As a mother, i can only guide her and the fact she has come to me, I know I did my job. I believe that by her being on birth control and protected at all times she will not have to cross that path. And if by any chance she does(which I know my daughter is smarter than that) I hope she knows her family will always be by her side. But I do thank you for your response and adding your thoughts! Everything counts!

thanks again!
post #26 of 54
just a quick post to say that my first was also at that age with a boy I really loved. I still have no regrets (some others that came after, yea, lol, but not that first one - it was a good first love)
post #27 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anumaria View Post
It is very neat to read about the relationship between mom and daughter.

Yet... I would ask her to go and read in a couple of the forums here. She needs to understand that pregnancy is not something that happens only to those who are not responsible. There are women here who have got pregnant on every single method out there. I think this is something every teen should know, otherwise it is not a matter of a real decision but rather of ignorance.
That!
Being "protected" is a great idea but being in a sexual relationship should mean that you are ready for the consequences of that kind of relationship too.
post #28 of 54
good job she came to you and didnt hide it great relationship
she is going to do it if you aprove or not so i say got condoms lots of condoms and just put them in her room with a note saying let me know if you need more... this is what i have always said and will do when my kids are older. i will not wait till they are having sex to have them on hand for them. why because my mother told me that if i had sex to use condoms i asked her if she is going to buy them she told me no i asked if she will give me money to buy them she said no i said then how am i to use something that i dont have but i had a sweet dr that use to give me lots of them even before i was having sex just incase
post #29 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Corinnebaby View Post
In response to nextcommercial:
Yes, i do agree with your views. However, the fact that my daughter came to me i feel she was wise and wanted to avoid this situation. My daughter will be on birth control in the next week and I will be supplying her with condoms as well. As a mother, i can only guide her and the fact she has come to me, I know I did my job. I believe that by her being on birth control and protected at all times she will not have to cross that path. And if by any chance she does(which I know my daughter is smarter than that) I hope she knows her family will always be by her side. But I do thank you for your response and adding your thoughts! Everything counts!

thanks again!
Your confidence in your daughter is wonderful - but no method of birth control is 100% effective 100% of the time. She and her partner need to remember that - it isn't just about being smart. Using the BCP and condoms properly will significantly decrease the chances of pregnancy, but as part of a mature sexual relationship they might consider having a conversation about what they would do if they did conceive a child together.

Good for you for being the kind of mom your dd can talk to!
post #30 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
Oh my... I think it's great she feels she can trust you to talk about these things. *HUGS*
I agree. I would revel in the fact that she knows she can trust you and wanted to share this with you while she is *still* 16. I never would have shared such info with either one of my parents at that age or even at the age of 30, lol. You must be a great mom!

I agree with the suggestions of some of the others. All you can do is be there for her. I don't know if I agree with you on hiding the fact that she is having sex from your husband. My husband would be livid if he ever found out I knew something like that and didn't tell him, but on the other hand, he would also go ballistic if he knew about it. So I guess one never knows what they will do until they are in that situation themselves.
post #31 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone View Post
:


I'll be watching this thread. No advice to offer right now.
mee too
I feel for you !
Hang in there and keep the communication line open.

Tracy
post #32 of 54
I'm so glad to hear she came to you. I'm dreading this myself, but hoping that she will come to me. My DD will be 16 in March and has been dating her boyfriend on and off for the last 8 months or so. She insists they haven't gone that far, but I feel like it will go in that direction. Especially since she just went and got a thong on her own when she had previously thought they were gross. I just think thong panties for a teenager might = wanting to be more sexy for her boyfriend!

My daughter, I think, has been honest with me so far...telling me what they've done, and how she thinks "semenal fluid" is gross...but her boyfriend is two years older, and I'm pretty sure he wants to do more. ugggg.
post #33 of 54
Thread Starter 

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

As for some of the comments above! Thank you for being here and I definatly agree with all of you! Of couse I am very aware that no amount of protection (esp BCP alone) can prevent her from having a baby besides NOT HAVING SEX IN THE FIRST PLACE! I did have a talk with my daughter and laid out all the "mature" consequnces that come with such a "mature" decision. I hope to sit both her and her boyfriend down together. But like one of the comments above said "shes going to do it with or without my consent" I cant protect her from everything so I will do my best to do my part. I am so glad I get to hear all the great feedback from different parents! It really brings a tear to my eye knowing that I have people I can talk with and truly recieve great advice without being judged!

ps-momalisa!
I felt the same way as you before my daughter came to me! When children are in a long term relationship (anything more than three months is a long time to them! haha) they start to think that "they will get married" and all different types of thoughts, I know i did at that age! I would maybe bring her to the gynecologists for routine check up and just ask if she needs BCP you will put her on it, that way maybe she will feel like your offering (but you dont want to encourage her either). It's a tough job being a mom huh! Just let her know that you love her and will not judge her on her decision at any point (thats the last thing they need in their lives)


THANKS EVERYONE I LOVE YOU ALL!
post #34 of 54
I asked my gyno and the family doc about getting an exam for her, and they told me that she doesn't need to start having pelvics and so forth until she is either 18 or sexually active. Well, if she doesn't tell anyone she's active, how can I know to take her??? I thought that was kind of a dumb guideline, lol! I'm going to have a chat with her soon and just remind her about the consequences of having sex. My youngest daughter is 3, and she is very challenging at times, and my DD often says she never wants any kids because of the little one! We asked her earlier if she was going to wait till she got married and she said yes, and then I laughed, and then she got offended at my laughing at that. Regardless....we will be having another of those uncomfortable talks! I don't find them uncomfy....but the girls do!
post #35 of 54
Thread Starter 

Momalisa!

haha i know exactly what you mean! However, before i found out that my daughter was sexually active they told me between 15 and 16 to start coming not only do they want to check after your sexually active but with having a regular menstrual period they usually like to check to make sure everything is working properly. I would just take her for a check-up anyway (they can't tell you no haha). Yes, I would have one of those talks for sure but make sure its not to overbearing or too pushy in the direction of not to do it. I think it tends to scare them a little more into telling you because they know what decision you would like them to make haha (OF COURSE EVERY MOTHERS DREAM WOULD BE TO WAIT FOR HER TO BE MARRIED AM I RIGHT?! LOL). I trust my daughter as you trust yours and I'm sure your daughter is responsible enough to come to you when she is!

HUGS AND KISSES
let me know how it goes!
post #36 of 54
I think I will take her right around her 16th birthday...or a little sooner maybe. She has either a skin colored mole or wart right next to her nose and I want to get it removed for her. It's small, but it bugs her. She needs a checkup anyway.
She will probably have sex before she is out of high school if I have to guess. I don't want her to, but it's likely. I did at almost 16...but I only did it twice and thought it was really not so hot, and then waited to do it again until about 2 months after I graduated. It was much better that time, but I think I was more ready, and that particular boyfriend was more appropriate for me, anatomically speaking, LOL!!!!!
What I'm nervous about is: Prom night. It's in less than two months. All I can hope is, that her big fluffy dress is a huge deterrent in him getting anywhere near her nether-regions that night! OR better yet, her period is due right around that time!!! Isn't that terrible? I just worry that they'll get all caught up in the romance of the evening. She isn't going to be allowed to go to any of the after-prom parties, so hopefully that will reduce the chances. I may slide a condom in her purse anyway, I don't know.
post #37 of 54
Thread Starter 
girlfriend, i feel ya! But honestly, prom nights are so hot anymore. It's so cliche, kids these days go to parties and make other bad choices (like drink, smoke, etc.) NOT SAYING YOUR DAUGHTER WOULD PARTAKE IN SUCH EVENTS!!!! hahaah Don't be worried because you can't do anything. I came to a point where i realized I can't stop her from living her life and having "the highschool experience" all you can do is just ask questions, love her, and off your advice DO NOT PUSH IT. i found the more i pushed something the more they wanted to do it....go figure! Anyway, talk to her, set a curfew or if she's sleeping out have her call her from her girlfriends house phone haha just check in don't worry sweety i'm sure she's a great girl!
post #38 of 54
I'm surprised that no one has mentioned seeing a midwife instead of an OB/Gyn. I wish I had known about midwives when I was 16!

=================
Mama to DS 5/03 & DD 2/06 (HBAC!)
: ICAN "Birth is the epicenter of women’s power." ~Ani DiFranco
post #39 of 54
midwifery isn't legal in all states, unfortunately.

I looked and I cannot even find a midwife practicing in our area at all. I used one for our last two births in PA, but I had to go with an regular gyn once we moved south.
post #40 of 54
Like the other readers, I am very impressed with your relationship with your daughter. It gives me hope for mine!
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