who is/ will be w/ your toddler while you birth?

[nhapmom]

E is 2 and will be 2 years 9 months when baby is born. Family is not close. He is not used to others...we do not employ babysitters, etc. etc. I am really worried about who to get for him, esp. considering that he is very much attached to me and I want him to be present at the birth.

[3kids2love]

We have a similar dilemma. My youngest dd is going to turn 3 just a few days before baby is due, and I'm not sure what we're going to do with her. We're sending my sons to a friend's house, and will probably just have them come home when the baby is about to be born (if they choose to be there). But my dd, I don't know... She's very clingy, not so much to me, but to my dh. I may invite one of my really good friends over for the birth, and see if she can manage to keep dd entertained. She may just be attached to dh, though, and if she's fine, I don't mind having her around (I tune out during labor, anyway, don't notice much going on around me, I'm really just in my own little world...).

I'll be interested to see what others do/have done.

[Belle]

My MIL held dd#1 for dd#2's birth. If you don't have family in the area you may consider hiring a doula for your older child.

[beaches1098]

I actually had my dad here and he entertained my son and then brought him to cut the cord. He will vomit at the sight of blood or "gunk" so we did not have him in the room but he had just turned 3 at the time. My labor was quick about 2 1/2 hours so he didn't have to be entertained long.
I am a doula and have attended births just to care for the sibling. I went over before hand to play and meet and become familiar with the house. That was for a homebirth. I also have gone to a home while the mom was in labor and the driven my own car to the hospital to continue to care for the other child so the family could be together.

[nhapmom]

we are hiring a doula, but thats more for me than my child. my labors (3 thus far) are always 36 plus hours. im just nervous that he will not be happy and i really want to assure that. we are talking about a few options and im sure things will work out but its the first thing that comes to my mind really at this point.

we have no family here. E has never had a babysitter. the girl next door babysits but im not sure if she would be OK while im home birthing.

[blessedmom68358]

Well, we're going to have to rely on relatives (my parents, probably), who are over 200mi. away, to make it here by active labor. Hopefully it will work out ok. Our oldest three will be 12, 9, and 5...but our "baby" will only be 2.5. We'd like our older three to be present for the birth if they want to be, but will probably ask a family member to play with and care for our toddler until right after the baby is born. She would be scared seeing mama in pain, etc...and a bit too young to really prepare.

[3cuties]

Originally Posted by Belle

My MIL held dd#1 for dd#2's birth. If you don't have family in the area you may consider hiring a doula for your older child.

I agree.

[spookymama]

We're in the same spot right now. DS will be between 22-23 months when this baby is born.

My mom has offered to pick him up and take him to her house, but that brings it's own set of problems. She'll know that I am in labor which I do not want, and the boy wont get to see his sibiling born.. and I am kinda worried if he doesn't get to see the baby coming into the world that he isn't going to associate the baby with being a big brother.. if that makes sense?

A doula would be a great choice.. but I am not sure how most doulas out here feel about unassisted birth.

Most likely it will just be my husband carrying for our son.

[nhapmom]

yeh, i want E to be present at the birth. i finally broke down and talked about it with my partner. i think we are goign to do a combination and plus since i have very long labors (like 3 days), there is no telling how much time I will need someone to watch E. I will be Ok for most of it but i just keep replaying my birth with him and wondering if i would have been able to watch a 2y9m old at that time, and the answer is really no, i dont think i would have been ok.
we will have a doula,a mw (maybe), a babysitter on call from next door and im thinking of asking a friend to be available too (who has a son around E's age but who is not going to be happy about a homebirth..so im not sure about that one yet).

[balancedmama]

We are in a similar situation, except that I don't want DD present for the birth. I'm very vocal and she is extremely sensitive. She will be between 21-22 months for the birth. We have no family within 10 hours of us.

I teach lessons, however, and have been having a middle-school girl come to watch my DD upstairs while I teach downstairs, 2 days a week for about 4 hours total. If my birth happens during the day, we are hoping that DD might be able to go to the girl's house - I have built a relationship w/ her mom and they're a great family - extremely responsible and willing to help in any way. Is there a way that between now and then, you can cultivate a friendship or some type of infrequent care provider relationship so that you would feel comfortable with DS spending some time with them during the birth? DD is VERY stranger-anxious and is not comfortable with anyone but she is very warm with this little girl now. You could have DS go to the park or some activity w/ this other person for awhile but have them come back closer to the birth. Or, like PPs have said, get a doula. My only concern with that is that your DS may not know that person very well. I know DD would not be comfortable spending the day with someone she had only met one time.

You might also be able to find some like-minded families in a local playgroup or API group. Once again you might find that DS is comfortable enough to spend some time with them by the time the birth happens.

[hapersmion]

I think I'm going to have my mother watch my son for my next birth, if I don't decide that she would bother me and she doesn't decide that she would be too worried. She lives six hours away, but I figure she can come up here around the expected time for the birth. Even if she had to drive up during labor, I'd be lucky to have a labor that short - my last one was 18 hours. If my mom doesn't work out, my friend probably wouldn't mind doing it, and my son is fairly comfortable with her. He'll hopefully be around three when the next one shows up.

Whoever you find, even if you had to break down and hire a babysitter, my instinct would be to start getting your DC used to her/him NOW. That way they can bond with the person and you won't have to worry that your DC is with a stranger when you're trying to concentrate on birthing.

Good luck finding someone! You might even want to post on the Finding Your Tribe forums for your area - you never know, someone from mothering might live near you and leap at the chance to be connected with a birth.

(Oh, I see now that you already posted a tentative plan. Oops, but I'll post anyway.)