or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Cleanin' out my closet

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
So here I am, taking a break from my massive closet overhaul project. All the maternity clothes are getting carefully packed away, hopefully to be pulled out again in two or three years. Despite the fact that I am so utterly sick to death of each and every pair of stretchy waisted slacks and empire waisted shirts, it still makes me feel a little sad to pack them away, and a little happy to think that one day in the not too distant future I might be pulling out those clothes again and dreaming of next baby who is just barely starting to make my belly swell.
The pants that still don't fit are also being packed away, but not so far out of reach (My darling size 2 skinny jeans, we will be reunited one day soon, I swear to you). The pants that didn't fit a couple of weeks ago but now--yes!--can just barely slide over my ass are heading back to their place of honor in my closet. And as for the many, many cute little shirts that used to be snug and sexy, but now take one look at my ridiculous breastfeeding cleavage and say to me, "Um, you've got to be kidding me if you think I'll fit over those mountains without busting at the seams," well, all those are going in a separate box to hibernate until weaning time.
It does feel quite a bit like a rite of passage, four weeks postpartum, to sort out the closet. Staring into the mirror as I try on nearly every piece of clothing I own, I've had plenty of time to see how pregnancy changed my body. I truly liked my body when I was pregnant, all dramatic curves full of visible life. It's funny, then, that the part of my body that bothers me the most postpartum is the place where the baby used to live inside me. The lower part of my belly has never really been flat--I'm too curvy and Italian for that--but it used to just fit into the crook of my hand. Then for a few months it was stretched as tight as it could go. Now it's all soft and squishy and poochy, with a few purplish striations where the baby stretched too hard against the skin. Without the baby, it looks deflated. The lower hem of my shirts get hung up now on my love handles.
I read something recently, I forget where, about celebrities who pose for beautiful pregnancy photos but get tummy tucks and liposuction and breast lifts as soon as the scheduled C-section is over. It's true, I think, that in this society we do celebrate the pregnant form, but the flab and sagging and stretch marks postpartum are considered something to be ashamed of. I hate that I'm catching myself even remotely buying into that mindset. I thought I was too smart for that.
But honestly, I'm not unhappy with the way that pregnancy has reshaped my body. I understand why it looks the way it does. And I love that my body was able to create and grow my son, and now it's able to give him all the nourishment that he needs to thrive. And I know that over the next few months I'll live a healthy lifestyle and my body will return to a more familiar shape, though maybe still different and less girlish than it was before I became a mother.
Aaron wandered into the room as I was pulling off one shirt and trying on another, and brushed a kiss against my cheek and said absentmindedly, "Mmm, sexy mama," and wandered off again. I don't know if he knew I sort of needed to hear that, but I loved that he said it all the same.
post #2 of 7
Jen, are you living in my brain? I could have written that post (though I wouldn't have put it nearly so nicely as you did - and definitely not the part about ever being a size 2 ). Cleaning out the closet and buying new tank tops and t-shirts to fit my new giant boobs are both at the top of my to-do list. I've been putting off the closet reorganization because every time I think about starting, all the thoughts you talked about having come to mind and I haven't been in the right mind space to deal with that just yet. Thanks so much for sharing!
post #3 of 7
Barging in from June DDC. I wanted to say that I loved your post. It is so great you should submit it to a magazine. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face!
post #4 of 7
Seems you must have been living in my head as well. And while I felt exactly the same as you describe after dd #1, somehow it's different after dd #2. For one thing, it's more final, as we don't plan to have anymore children. So there are a lot of "lasts": last time I'll see these maternity clothes, many of which served me so well over two pregnancies. What to do with them? Good will? Wait and see if my sister ever gets married or decides to have a baby? Last time I'll see my body this way (maybe--I want to say I hope here, but that would be buying into the whole 'worship the pregnant body but despise the postpartum form'). Last time I'll think about the shirts that don't fit over my new breasts and for many of my old breastfeeding standbys, quite likely this breastfeeding phase, while it will last a while, will be the last those shirts will be filled out in my lifetime!

So thanks so much for your post--it is, as always from you, so beautiful and poignant. And thanks for indulging me for adding my own "cleaning out my closet" thoughts this time around.
post #5 of 7
beautifully said!
post #6 of 7
:


thank you jen, i am totally there with you! i cleaned out my closet today...lots of the same thoughts as yours...

nak
post #7 of 7
Jen, beautifully written as always! I agree with all you musings. The squishy tummy in the end of January is hard to accept and hard to remember as the beautiful and lifegiving belly it was in December!


Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
And as for the many, many cute little shirts that used to be snug and sexy, but now take one look at my ridiculous breastfeeding cleavage and say to me, "Um, you've got to be kidding me if you think I'll fit over those mountains without busting at the seams," well, all those are going in a separate box to hibernate until weaning time.
laughup

This is EXACTLY what my cute shirts say to me. I have many categories of clothing: Pre-pregnancy, Maternity, post-preg with dc1 but still nursing, Maternity with dc2, and now, a new category; post-preg. with dc2. My goal right now is to get into my post-preg from dc1. All my cute tiny shirts are still in that pre-preg box. Don't know when I'll see those again since I'll hopefully bf till ttc again in a few years.

But I'd trade all those cute shirts for the soft breathing in the sling at my chest!!! I guess I already have!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: December 2007