Does mental health affect your family decisions?

[Inquiringmind]

I'm wondering if mental illness of you or your parenter have affected your decisions about whether or not to have children and/or how many children you have. What was your decision making process?

[abbylotus]

Yes. My husband and I will not be having anymore children. I'm not afraid of passing my crazy gene on to the kids, but I am afraid of becoming too overwhelmed with parenting anymore children. I really have all I can deal with right now and it wouldn't be fair for anyone to expand our family. I have to focus on getting well and staying well and of course being the best parent and partner.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Very much so. We originally wanted 2 children and I was going to be the SAHM. Over the last 2 years we have been told repeatedly that DP will never be able to work again at a steady job due to her illness. We are both trying to come to terms with the fact that we will most likely never have another child and I will always be the one who works.

[jennlindsey]

it's not the only determining factor, but yes, it figures in. we both feel it's important to keep my mental health issues in mind in terms of how much we (and i!) can handle, family size- and stress-wise. so far, i've done really well post-baby, much better than i expected, considering my level of functioning just before i got pregnant, so i'm happy to be doing well with one, without adding more to the mix!

[elizaMM]

Definitely. Through much of my early illness I thought I shouldn't have kids because I imagined if my child inherited my depression and came to me and said "why did you do this to me? why did you create me knowing I might suffer so?" I wouldn't have an answer.

Since I've felt better I came up with an answer: "I knew you'd get through it and get better. I knew that the chances of your life being more joyful than sorrowful were excellent."

Still, I'll limit myself to two max, for many other reasons.

[Milvudeeshna]

Yep. We're currently trying to decide whether or not to have kids at all, based on my anxiety disorder and phobias (the biggest one of which is, unfortunately, blood). No treatments have really helped so far, certainly therapy hasn't helped. I'm just now starting EFT and am trying to keep my hopes up, but after suffering with this for over half my life I tend to be cynical.

[mamamilkers]

Yes, it has for us. We want more than two but my anxiety/phobias are too great for me to be able to go through another pregnancy.

[alicia622]

Yes. When we first learned of our IF issues, I was immediately stuck on not pursuing treatment and getting pregnant because I thought perhaps I shouldn't be risking passing on mental health problems in my family (schizophrenia, bipolar and depression). We did eventually go through various IF processes without success. DS came to us through fostering with the state and we have been talking about doing it again but have pretty much decided not to. One of the big factors is DH's anxiety. He was a complete basketcase through the attemps at reunification- I don't think it would be wise to go there again.