Doulas - writing clients birth story

[iemaja]

Hi Doulas,

For those of you labor and birth doulas who write a birth story for your clients... please share how you go about doing this.

Do you write from your own (first person) perspective? Past tense or present tense? How do you present the birth story to your clients? How detailed do you get? How long is the actual text?

Anything else you'd like to share with me?

Thanks! Allyson

[mommaJ]

Our doula wrote a birth-story of DDs birth. She wrote it as a letter to DD. It is about 3 pages long and it is pretty detailed.

[iemaja]

mommaJ - that is a great idea...I have developed a detailed birth "log" of sorts...but I wanted to do something that is more personal, more direct...so a letter to the new little one is a GREAT idea! Thanks for chiming in.

[Maggi315]

I'm gonna sub, not so much to give advice, but to hear from others. I would love to have something for each client. What I have done in the past is a timeline, I list the time and then what is happening, I add some clipart and at the bottom talk about what a pleasure it was to attend, anything funny (like the time they asked my fully dressed amish couple if they had any religious preference and then seemed stunned at their answer that they were amish). I guess you could also add a photo of the baby or maybe you holding the baby.

But I would love to hear what others do!

[iemaja]

Maggi315 - I provide some birth photography as a part of my doula package (with the understanding that my primary role is doula), so I plan to provide my clients with a CD with any photographs (with permission to make copies) and electronic copies of the "birth log" and birth story.

I also thought about printing the letter mommaJ mentiond above on nice paper....not sure if I will end up doing that though.

Thanks for your response!! It is really interesting to hear what other people do.

[kuhlmom]

Our doula also wrote a letter to our ds with details from the birth and anecdotes.

[tlcdoula]

I actually will sit down and write out my notes (very detailed) in the form of a journal when I come home from a birth. Then just before the baby turns one year old I write the story into the form of a letter to the baby, and I make sure I say something in there about how this is what I remember from your birth. I then send it just before the baby's first birthday. I actually got such a wonderful letter and pictures from a mother today whose baby's birth I attended a little over a year ago. I never tell them that I will be doing this, and it just shows up in their mailbox and surprises them. Anyhow, I got the most wonderful letter from her telling me how things are going, and how much she loved the surprise especially since the birth was so chaotic at the time (her son almost didn't make it, transferred to another hospital, etc).

[knitmomof2]

I also write a letter to the baby telling all about the birth and weave the timeline into it. I like to include details about the parents reactions and facial expressions and of course anything that is funny.
Aimee
Doula(Just sent in my completed Dona Certification packet)

[balancedmama]

I do a detailed birth log. I also log prenatals and phone calls leading up to the birth, talk about how the mom expressed that she was feeling. I don't write a story from my perspective, in fact I'm not much in the log at all. I don't want the birth to be about me, I want it to be about the mom. So I put the focus on her. I do put in quotes and details whenever I have them. I'm also careful not to put TOO much of my own interpretation in the log...I just feel like this takes away from her experience. This is what I've come up with after doing birth stories/logs for a long time. If mom has a particularly hard birth, I often tend to write a note to her apart from the log.

[Mamabeakley]

Originally Posted by tlcdoula

I actually will sit down and write out my notes (very detailed) in the form of a journal when I come home from a birth. Then just before the baby turns one year old I write the story into the form of a letter to the baby, and I make sure I say something in there about how this is what I remember from your birth.

Thanks for sharing this method. I am a journaler and I do want to keep detailed journal entries about the births I attend. But I don't feel right giving that to the families - I need to write about what the experience was for me, as a professional. That's not what they need to remember about their birth. I like the idea of turning that into a letter to baby, and I was already thinking of waiting 6 months to send the family anything.

What do others think - is 6 months long enough? Would a year be better?

[Momma Aimee]

our first doula wrote it as a letter to the new baby. One page, too general, not very detailed about our birth at all.

"I was there wiith your momma and daddy when ..."

she uses child temrs -- contractions are "great big hugs to push you out".

Honstly -- i am not sure i liked it.

I am putting this away for my son when he is grown -- you know?

Also we had a tough labor and delievery and she left that all out .. so it don't really "match" the brith story that i wrote -- where i more or less documented the whole thing, interventions, fears and all. SHe says "your momma got tired" -- uh yeah, thats it.

I guess the letter to the baby is a big too cuties for me, and i am a cuties touchy-feely type anyway.

It would have been nice to have what she remembered -- i know there is a lot from that day i toally missed -- like i don't know what DH adn my mom ate while they waited or something about how many of my freinds called to check on me (i was out of it even thne and didn't know). What she remembered about the setting, the day in general.

More about the time line, more facts, more about me and DH and our reactions, things we said... things that we don't remember, or didn't take note of at the time ..... like DH paceing in the hallway when my mom was with me cuz he was worried (Mom told me). Quotes, things we had said before the birth, leading up to the birth, talked about us first seeing him ... that all would have been great.

so advice from a mom .... more is better... more detail. also add in anything you think one of the parents missed (the mom looking for the dad each time he left her sight, or the dad excitedly calling people in the hall); or theings they didn't think were improtnat at the time ....

and less about the birth process .... that is generally accpeted stuff. make it more personal.

also add in names of the staff (the l and d nurse if a hposptial delievery) I know i don't remember most of them, and wish i did.
Aimee

[AmieV]

I write it from my perspective to the baby, so it's 'your mom' 'your dad', etc. but still using generally accepted birth terminology.

It's about a page and a half long, depending how long the birth is of course, and I don't spend more than about an hour typing it up, generally. I think the written birth story is a wonderful perk to a doula package, but by no means standard, so I make it good, but not like, amazing if that makes any sense.

I include crucial details and like someone else said weave a timeline in so that can refresh what happened when, and hospital staff names. I make it positive without glossing over what happened.

If you have read Birthing From Within, I tend to agree with her assessment of records that are too detailed about your birth. She talks about it more with respect to videotaping, but I think it applies to written birth stories as well. I think there are certain impressions women hold with them about their birth, and certain hazy memories and it's kind of nice to keep their OWN memory of the event intact, even if it's not chronologically correct. This is part of why I don't personally provide a long, super detailed account. Also, because I don't typically take a TON of notes during a birth, because my hands are otherwise occupied.

[Momma Aimee]

If you have read Birthing From Within, I tend to agree with her assessment of records that are too detailed about your birth. She talks about it more with respect to videotaping, but I think it applies to written birth stories as well. I think there are certain impressions women hold with them about their birth, and certain hazy memories and it's kind of nice to keep their OWN memory of the event intact, even if it's not chronologically correct.

I HAVE read this - and -- well -- personally -- i think it depends on the woman .

I personally am NOT like that -- i don't want my hazy fuzzy memory .... it is like missing time, it is confused and i don't like it ..... I'd rather have a viedoe tape of all 33 hours ... clariety. :LOL (no i was not drugged)

But that is just me.

Aimee

[AmieV]

I think it depends on the woman too, but, if you believe at all what she says about it, I don't want to be the person that provides the detail that spoils her memory. You never know which client is going to enjoy what, and I doubt the clients even know which one they are until after the fact.

And quite honestly, I think it's above and beyond to expect a doula to write something that detailed and time intensive. I think it's great if doulas want to do it...but by no means required. You can always request your chart from the hospital if you want the exact play by play of at least medical stuff and piece together your own detailed story if that's what you want.

[AmieV]

I think it depends on the woman too, but, if you believe at all what she says about it, I don't want to be the person that provides the detail that spoils her memory. You never know which client is going to enjoy what, and I doubt the clients even know which one they are until after the fact.

And quite honestly, I think it's above and beyond to expect a doula to write something that detailed and time intensive. I think it's great if doulas want to do it...but by no means required. You can always request your chart from the hospital if you want the exact play by play of at least medical stuff and piece together your own detailed story if that's what you want.

[Momma Aimee]

I think it depends on the woman too, but, if you believe at all what she says about it, I don't want to be the person that provides the detail that spoils her memory. You never know which client is going to enjoy what, and I doubt the clients even know which one they are until after the fact.

And quite honestly, I think it's above and beyond to expect a doula to write something that detailed and time intensive. I think it's great if doulas want to do it...but by no means required. You can always request your chart from the hospital if you want the exact play by play of at least medical stuff and piece together your own detailed story if that's what you want.

I am NOT implying that it IS the doulas responiblity -- however i am merely noting that wimpy sweet cute letter that we got for the baby from our doula is NOT at all what some parents like ... to us it was a waest. (and she told us she would do it -- it was part of her package and a real selling point on her behalf).

Just another perspective.

I will bow out

A

[txgal]

What if the baby dies?

I have been struggling with this, so glad to see a post about it. The first birth I attended was wonderful birth until the last minute when baby apirated meconium and then passed away a few days later. I would love to be able to share a birth story with the mom, she did such an amazing job. but I don't know how to write it. I know it is too soon now, it was only 8 weeks ago, but I think she will want to have it eventually. But I can't get past the baby's head coming out(that is when the meconium was found) and everything went from great to tragic. Thoughts?

[tlcdoula]

Originally Posted by txgal

I have been struggling with this, so glad to see a post about it. The first birth I attended was wonderful birth until the last minute when baby apirated meconium and then passed away a few days later. I would love to be able to share a birth story with the mom, she did such an amazing job. but I don't know how to write it. I know it is too soon now, it was only 8 weeks ago, but I think she will want to have it eventually. But I can't get past the baby's head coming out(that is when the meconium was found) and everything went from great to tragic. Thoughts?

Well, I haven't had exactly your situation, but I did have a baby that almost didn't make it and I wrote the letter to the baby and mailed it around the first birthday detailing what happened in the birth even the bad things. The mom sent me the most amazing letter and thank you back telling me how meaningful it was because there was so much that was cloudy to her during that time.

In the case of a loss I would honestly probably contact the mother and find out if she wanted the birth story or not. If she says she doesn't then I would still write one, put it in her file and let her know that if she ever changes her mind she can contact you and you will have it. I say this from watching my mother go through the process of a loss. It happened before I was born and honestly for many, many years she couldn't talk about it (her and I have talked about this so that is how I know the early years). She couldn't handle hearing his name, thinking about him, etc. It was easiest for her to block him from her mind. Of course many years later she regretted not having a picture, lock of hair - nothing. He wasn't even buried so she doesn't even have a grave to go to. (This all happened in the 1960's when it was believed that it was best to not do anything special for the mom/family). Therefore that is why I would let her know you have it and will save it until she is ready because she may be ready in six months, or a year, or even five years down the line. Letting her decide when she is ready (in my eyes) is probably the best thing to do. {{{hugs}}}

[ralphie76]

I write my birth stories as letters to the child, but I use correct terminology, etc. I include times, stats etc. when they are known (that's really for the parents). I include tons of details including quotes and where people were at different times (like if dad left to get a snack, etc.) Mine usually run about 3-4 pages. I've only gotten good feedback from my clients. Some are really really grateful, and some read it and thank me and don't really mention it again, which is fine too. I print them on cardstock so they hold up better and put them in a folder- that makes them easier to save if parents want to hold onto them for the child when the child gets older.