need some opinions on something that happened today at a montessori

[FoxintheSnow]

I brought ds(3 almost 4) to the Montessori we are planning to send him to next week for one last time before its official. While I spoke to the director ds was milling around the room looking for something to work on. he sat down at table that already had a tray ready to be worked on. Apparantly another girl had intended to work on that tray and had gotten up to get something or whatever. When she got back and saw ds sitting in what she considered to be her seat she shoved him off the seat with her body and sat down and started to work. Ds seemed lost and puzzled. I looked at the director who witnessed the whole interaction and she replied "in time he will learn not to take someones spot" I was kinda surprised with her reaction. Is what the little girl did considered appropriate in Montessori? I was really set on sending him there but the whole scenario gave me a bad feeling. It also seemed like they werent doing anything to help him feel less lost. He was so unsure about what he was supposed to be doing some guidance wouldve helped a lot.

[snowyowl]

The director definitely should have stepped in and helped the girl manage the situation better. Shoving like that is in no way acceptable behaviour in any Montessori school I have ever seen.

I'm not excusing her for shoving your son but I may have an idea about what was going on. Keep in mind that from the little girl's perspective, that was her seat. She had set up her materials and was getting ready to work on them and in the Montessori classroom, everyone respects each other's workspace. If I go to the library, set up my books, papers, etc. and then leave for a moment to get something, I wouldn't expect to come back to my seat and find someone sitting there. If that did happen, the other person would probably see me coming back and realize that they had inadvertently sat in my seat. This little girl might not have thought through the situation -- hmm, that boy is sitting in my seat; oh, but he's new to the class and probably doesn't realize that I had set up my materials there and was getting ready to work; I should ask him nicely to sit next to me while I work.

I hope that makes sense. All kids make mistakes so I wouldn't judge the school on that one incident. The director's response is a little worrying, I agree.

[Flor]

Again, not to excuse the girl's behavior at all, but I know from ds that interfering with someone else's work is a big no-no in the M classroom. Sometimes, it's the dramatic highpoint of his day as in, "Mama, guess what happened today at school! J touched A's work!!!! Can you believe it???" Um, ok, kiddo.

As a teacher, I would have acknowledged the girl's manners and tried to make your child feel more welcomed.

[KBecks]

I think it's a failure of lessons in grace and courtesy for the director not to at least walk over and address the conflict, reminding the girl that physical pushing is inappropriate and to explain to your son that the girl was using the spot before him. I would feel concerned and very possibly consider a different school. I would be asking questions about how classrooms address conflict and physical violence like hitting, pushing, etc. Sorry you had that experience.

[GuildJenn]

That is a bit worrying. I agree with a pp about the 'highlight' of the day if someone touches someone else's works - I got that story myself yesterday, apparently someone touched someone else's blocks! !!! But it doesn't sound like a great interaction either. Can you observe some more before he starts?

[FoxintheSnow]

what Im planning on doing at this point is sending him there monday as planned, give him a few days to adjust and then coming in to observe on that thursday to see if that was just an isolated incident or not

[BCFD]

I agree that I'd be concerned with how the directress handled the situation, but I think you're being wise to observe and find out how your son feels about the school. I'm about to enroll my 3 year old DD into a program and we are going back for one more observation and then starting her in a week or two. Good luck!! I'd like to hear more after your observation.

[mamabeca]

If it were me, I'd mention that I have expectations that the children will treat each other better than was observed.

Although I'd verbally leave it there, in my heart I'd know that if the directress doesn't feel that way that perhaps a different school would be better able to meet those needs for you.

I, too, am sorry that happened to you. for your little guy! Pushing is not ok.

[Flor]

While I'd keep it in mind, I'd also think it might just be an isolated event. You were there talking to the directress, right? Maybe there was a lot going on. just keep your eyes and ears open, it might be nothing.

[Lillianna]

I understand your concern. Although your son will learn not to take someone else's spot, the issue is how the little girl will learn to use her words instead of pushing. The Directress should address this by giving a grace and courtesy lesson at a neutral time. I would have been more satisfied with her response if she would have told you that she will address this with the little girl. Pushing is not acceptable behavior but we should acknowledge that children do many things they shouldn't do in the process of learning.
Although children are expected to eventually choose activities themselves throughout the morning work cycle, in the beginning, young children need alot of direction. At first, the adult should offer choice between two activities and act as a bridge until the child is able to choose work independently.