or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Parenting Multiples › Venting about negative reactions to twin pregnancy news
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Venting about negative reactions to twin pregnancy news - Page 2

post #21 of 37
I had THE BEST COMMENTS today at Walmart! One was a hispanic family who was just delighted to see my 4 kids and hear I wasn't due any day but expecting twins in May! The other was an older (OLDER) women who clapped her hands and just beamed at me. She told me how wonderful it was and what a lucky mom to be so blessed.
post #22 of 37
Better you then me.






Oh wait...crap. Better me then you!!!

Sarah (due in August with twins #4 and 5)
post #23 of 37
I LOVE this thread!!!!!

We have 3 dc and just finding out we were preg again brought comments.......then, with the news of twins, which jumped us from 3dc to 5, the comments were never ending. From "OOOMMMGGG, what are you going to do?" Which eventually leads to "Well, you are not going to have these babies at home and you are not going to sleep with TWO babies and you can't possibly breastfeed both babies all the time" etc etc.

I just answer yes to all questions. But I tell you, I am only 22 wks and it is really starting to irritate me so I LOVED the "Well, yes, with your attitude it IS better me than you" reply!!!! I cannot wait to use that one!!!

and, btw, my dc are all boys and we are expecting b/g twins...I can't tell you how EVERYONE has commented on "atleast you get a girl out of it". even my own mother-- who was soooo upset about us having more children was all of a sudden having a crying screaming "a girl a girl".......I guess people just do not have a clue about what flies out of their mouth at times. :
post #24 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by carycaj View Post
even my own mother-- who was soooo upset about us having more children was all of a sudden having a crying screaming "a girl a girl".......I guess people just do not have a clue about what flies out of their mouth at times. :
When we told MIL I was pregnant for the 3rd time she didn't seem overly enthused. Barely asked how I was doing. Since finding out we are having twins she has been so excited and telling everyone she knows. I find it kind of sad, she is pretty materialistic and likes things "for show" and I feel like we are now part of that.

BTW...over the past couple of weeks I have talked to a few people who think it's great and it has really helped. Plus I am much more confident and can pretty much shut down the negative reactions before they start.
post #25 of 37
I know exactly what you mean Karen. Both mothers were less than excited about another baby. When we announced twins all of the sudden it was exciting again. Like, oh we've done the singleton thing four times but this is new! Sort of rubbed me the wrong way.
post #26 of 37
What has really pissed me off is that we have three girls and my family is so caught up in "one of them could be a boy"...


and yeah, one of them could be a GIRL too. Will she not be just as special? Grrrrr....
post #27 of 37

I am getting more irritated by the DAY...

By well meaning people who are just so negative...

Every day recently I've heard this litany of stuff like:

Better you than me.

I can't handle my ONE, never mind TWO at the same time

Get your sleep NOW because you will never sleep again...

Couldn't you have just "chosen" to have ONE? WHY did you pick having twins (said because we used ART and a surrogate to concieve our sons).

Oh, honey, I am soooo tired. I can't handle these kids. I just don't know HOW you are going to deal...


I spend a lot of time w/moms of twins (I am "in waiting", my sons being born in just a few short weeks... edd 4/21/08) and I am absolutely THRILLED (yes, and scared but in a good way!) to be having two. I am a twin, the granddaughter of a twin... now I know what it is like to BE a twin but not how to RAISE them. I joined the NOMOTA.org and have two mentors who give me their wisdom and insight, both moms of twin boys between 2 and 3 years old.

I am delighted to be around them, and charmed by the love and chaos. I can't wait for the little guys to arrive and bless my life and that of DH's... he is LIVING for the moment they arrive.

So why is all this negativity bugging me? I guess because I will hear it for the rest of my life, since I do remember my mom hearing what a saint she must be for raising twins... I am no saint! I am just a mom to be who is thrilled to, at the age of 45 almost 46, to be getting a complete family in one fell swoop and very happy that developmentally they will be at similiar stages so I won't have to do that dance w/a toddler who is more developed and demands more.. and an infant in my arms who sometimes has to get short shrift due to the toddler's demands...

Thanks for writing this thread... I can at least vent!
post #28 of 37
We used fertility treatments... my pregnancy started at triplets, we were encouraged to "reduce" to twins, and did... and I have been regretting that ever since. Most people in our immediate families know about it... all of our friends know about it...

So strangers will say to me "Oh, do twins run in your family?" - I will say we used fertility treatments but I won't normally go into the reduction story.

There is a point to this back story...

We went to my husband's grandparents' ranch in NM for Thanksgiving. DH's mother has a big family, 6 brothers and sisters, and they were all there... along with one of the brother's wife's mother and father. The mother said to me "Do twins run in your family?" and I said no, we used fertility treatments... and she said "Oh! Well, thank goodness that's all you got!"

I guess if I had started with twins it would have been funny... but I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Spent the rest of the day wishing I'd have made a sarcastic and rude comeback. OTOH she was like 90 years old and I guess I shouldn't really be rude to a 90 year old lady but still...

Mostly what I get is I'll have my hands full, I'll be busy, yada yada yada. Not rude or negative really... doesn't bother me really. Really all I can think is it will be EASY compared to triplets and I feel like poo over that. When people say it will be hard, I think "It should be so much harder."

I am not phased by twins. Maybe I am naive, I don't know. DH's grandmother was shocked that I said I plan to breastfeed... no way can you breastfeed 2! Why not? I have two boobs. I had no problems BFing one...

(Related yet off topic has anyone ever wondered why cows have 4 teats even though they almost always only have one offsrping?? DH and I have been wondering about this recently.)

My brother has made the comment "Oh you won't think it's so easy when you're having to buy diapers for two babies every few days... oh, wait, are you going to use regular diapers again?" LOL - I thought it was hilarious that he calls cloth "regular." Then he says "Wait and see what your water bill is!" LOL

Really... I haven't had a lot of negative comments... or if I have it just doesn't bother me...
post #29 of 37
RunnerDuck- I was pregnant with triplets naturally, and we lost one at eight weeks, so now I am pregnant with twins. I understand what you mean about "It should have been so much harder". While I grieve the loss of my baby, having been pregnant with triplets makes the idea of twins seem a lot easier. I have three other daughters, and I know my life will be so changed no matter what.

I am breastfeeding and cloth diapering also, and I think that the water bill will be the same because it is more diapers, not more washes!!

Sarah
post #30 of 37
I think people need to say something so they say the first thing that pops into their head. And while twins are more challenging than a single, it's not like it's the end of the world. Now, those comments are maybe warranted when you're expecting quints or sextuplets, but for goodness sake, keep it to yourself people! Pointing out what I already know (I have my hands full) makes me want to tip my head to the side and say "Why thank you, Captain Obvious, I hadn't noticed! Would you like to take a couple home with you for a day or so?"

My fave so far was the gentleman who asked me what was I thinking. Well, I wasn't thinking I would have an egg live 4 days (unheard of!) or that I would ovulate again 4 days later and catch both. I wasn't planning this old dude, so shush!
post #31 of 37
So far this pregnancy I have had someone tell me she'd kill herself if she had 2 sets of twins. Someone else said it would be hell on earth. Lots of people say they could never do it or "better you than me!" I'm wearing earplugs whenever I leave my house for the next 6 months.
post #32 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by purpleheather79 View Post
So far this pregnancy I have had someone tell me she'd kill herself if she had 2 sets of twins. Someone else said it would be hell on earth. Lots of people say they could never do it or "better you than me!" I'm wearing earplugs whenever I leave my house for the next 6 months.
Oh Heather, that's just horrid.
post #33 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by purpleheather79 View Post
So far this pregnancy I have had someone tell me she'd kill herself if she had 2 sets of twins. Someone else said it would be hell on earth. Lots of people say they could never do it or "better you than me!" I'm wearing earplugs whenever I leave my house for the next 6 months.
Ha... I'd be wondering, "What's her secret?"

DoulaSarah - I think the water bill MIGHT be a a little higher... as I figure I will need to wash every 2 days and not every 3 like with my son... but still not as bad as buying disposables. We'll see. I hope diapering 2 isn't too complicated. I wasn't sure how much stuff I would need, I have upped my stash from diapers for 1 to diapers for 1 1/2 - had originally planned to double the stash and then realized there's not point, all that won't fit in the washer anyway!
post #34 of 37
When MIL found out it was twins and saw the ultrasound she said,
"That will change."
Meaning one will die.
I almost slugged her.
When DD's Dev therapist found out she shook her head and said, "Oh I am soooo sorry.
I'm sorry you are dealing with such crappy reactions....
Now I just hear, "I don't know how you do it", "Double Trouble" and "You sure got your hands full," where ever I go..lol
post #35 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama_in_Maine View Post
When DD's Dev therapist found out she shook her head and said, "Oh I am soooo sorry.
Can you elaborate on this?? WHY was she sorry?

One of the lines we were fed to urge us to reduce was "A lot of triplets have developmental and social problems that aren't obvious until they're in school." I was just left feeling like even if we all survived the pregnancy we might STILL be in for problems and there is fell, back to me - "You can prevent this by reducing..."

But I look back and i think it was a lie.

Do you know if your therapist actually have a lot of clients who were multiples with some sort of developmental problems? I don't think it will actually make me feel much better but I am just curious.
post #36 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama_in_Maine View Post
When MIL found out it was twins and saw the ultrasound she said,
"That will change."
Meaning one will die.
I almost slugged her.
When DD's Dev therapist found out she shook her head and said, "Oh I am soooo sorry.
I'm sorry you are dealing with such crappy reactions....
Now I just hear, "I don't know how you do it", "Double Trouble" and "You sure got your hands full," where ever I go..lol
good heavens .....
My MIL felt it necessary to tell me, at Christmas, the story of some cousin of DHs that had twins and lost one during a homebirth. I told her ...."there is absolutely no reason to tell me things like that. I'm not interested in hearing about it", and walked off. People are nuts.
post #37 of 37
Wee I dont have twins and am not expecting twins, however I have 3 under 3 years old my youngest 2 are 10.5 mos apart and I am constantly getting unsolicited comments , "you've got your hands full" or "i'm sorry for you" or my favorite was made by a jogger when I was out for a walk with my babies " you have enough of those things" (the beautiful part about this comment was my 3 year old very loudly announcing that that man with the skinny legs was RUDE)
Children are such a precious gift it saddens me to see how many people see this gift as a curse to be endured instead of something to be enjoyed.
Congratulations on your double blessing twins are such an amazing thing that so few people get the privilege of experiencing, the special bond between the babies is something special that no one but twins or parents of twins can even begin to understand. Of course it will be hard raising one child is hard, but anything worth anything has to be hard so we appreciate it, child birth is hard and painful but if it were like clipping fingernails it wouldn't be so special,anything worth having or doing is hard it makes you appreciate it more having to work for it.
You will be fine mama, you may not know how you will do it for now but you will do it, you will wake up every day and you will get through, and the next day wont be as hard.

Some of my favorite responses
"you've got your hands full"
" yeah but not as full as my heart"

"im sorry" "for what being so rude?" " your sorry, i just wasted 30 seconds talking to you"

People say things to me all the time that we should be done having children but we are certainly not I hope that I too can have twins someday and if not than I will still have more babies they are great even when they are screaming and pooping and pulling out my hair. Enjoy every minute with your babes it is your last.

Also I have been a tandem nursing mama now for 15 months at one point I was nursing all 3 of my children at the same time it is hard but not undoable
Get pleanty of rest and find some great support and you will do great remember the first 4 months are the hardest and they fly by.
loving wife to harmony and mommy to joey 1/14/05, kai 11/01/06 and beautiful baby girl Alexis 8/25/07:::::fly by2::
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting Multiples
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Parenting Multiples › Venting about negative reactions to twin pregnancy news