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Transitions...

post #1 of 138
8/31/03 at 2:35am
Thread Starter 
B'H

2 Elul 5763

After twenty-six years of marriage, my children and I spent the morning sharing memories of our twenty-six years with my DH through reading and looking at our photo albums.

....then...

My DH died this morning.

He died in the same bed and room in which our youngest child was conceived and born.

He died in the bed in which our four children were conceived and born.

He died at home surrounded and attended by his loving family.

My older son and daughter helped me to wash him, trim his nails, shave his beard and dress him in his wedding clothes. My younger son, by personal request, stayed at a friend's house.

He went to G-d and his reward. He will always be remembered.

A good life. A good death. He is no longer in pain. He was loved by all.

______________________________
applejuice&DH
now a member of the wacky widows club.

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post #2 of 138
8/31/03 at 5:30am
applejuice,
I am so sorry for your loss. But it sounds as if you and your family were able to retain and show dignity, love and respect to your husband. What a blessing to prepare and mourn in your way on your terms.
Gossamer
post #3 of 138
8/31/03 at 7:34am
It sounds like you honored him with dignity in life and death. I'm sorry for your loss but glad that you seem to be facing this with full awareness. (hug)

Mel
post #4 of 138
8/31/03 at 1:26pm
I so get how loved he was by everyone.

his transition was with so much dignity and it is exactly how I would want my transition.

you are loved here. my heart goes out to you and your whole family.
post #5 of 138
8/31/03 at 1:30pm
I am so sorry for your loss, applejuice. Please take extra special gentle care of yourself now and in the days to come.
post #6 of 138
8/31/03 at 2:08pm
I am sorry for your loss applejuice.
You told of his passing so beautifully and with such love.
post #7 of 138
8/31/03 at 3:21pm
Sad for your loss.

Happy that you were able to do it as you wished.


El
post #8 of 138
8/31/03 at 4:11pm
Applejuice~

I remember reading various posts about your journey with your dh. I am so sorry for your loss, but so thankful that his transition was one of peace and honor.

My thoughts are with you right now during your transition.

Much Love & Hugs~

Lisa
post #9 of 138
8/31/03 at 5:09pm
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))
post #10 of 138
8/31/03 at 6:14pm
I am so sorry for your loss, applejuice. You and your family are in my thoughts and I am sending you love and lots and lots of
post #11 of 138
8/31/03 at 7:55pm
I'm so sorry for your and your families loss. I'll be thinking of you.
post #12 of 138
8/31/03 at 8:00pm
Applejuice,

So sorry for your loss.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

post #13 of 138
9/1/03 at 10:11am
.
post #14 of 138
9/1/03 at 12:23pm
Thread Starter 
B'H
We buried him Sunday morning with all of my four children present. He had the religious Jewish burial he requested when we did our wills and trust. I hope that is still what he desired after all he went through. I was in the process of researching how to make a shroud, but I simply did not have the time with caring for him and preparing for work and all. The Rabbi suggested that we bury him him his wedding attire. There was a private family joke about the color and style of his outfit; it lifted the gravity of the situation at the time. G-d works in wonderous ways.

My BIL came from Africa (where he works for the UN) to stay for the month of July and help settle the matters of an estate and make helpful suggestions for his brother's care. My DH seemed to have held on for his arrival, and his condition spiralled downward when my BIL left.

I want you all to know that you discover who your friends are at times like this. Always be aware and awake to people's reactions, and inactions. It is very telling of their character or lack of character. I do not mean to cruel, but some people simply do not belong in your life.

G-d Bless.

Thank you all for your kind attention.
post #15 of 138
9/1/03 at 2:00pm
Quote:
I want you all to know that you discover who your friends are at times like this. Always be aware and awake to people's reactions, and inactions. It is very telling of their character or lack of character. I do not mean to cruel, but some people simply do not belong in your life.

I think I know what you are talking about.
my mother reacted so poorly when the son of one of her friend's died. I tried to make a case for her to do the 'right' thing but she just didn't. Said, it was too emotional for her and didn't go to the funeral. I thought it was off. only now, six years later has the friend spoken to my mother. I actually thought it was generous of the friend to even fold my mother back in.

anyway, to the point, I am so sorry that people did what they did. and your are right some people don't belong in our lives.

I'm letting links dry up as we speak. Your message was helpful.

prayers and hugs.

tracy
post #16 of 138
9/1/03 at 5:24pm
Yes, how true about finding who your true friends are. When my dh past, it was heartwarming to see how even strangers could be so kindhearted and it was heartbreaking to see how your "friends" treated you.

Sending you peace~

Lisa
post #17 of 138
9/2/03 at 12:11am
{{{{{HUG}}}}}
I'm very sorry for you loss, but I must say it is wonderful that he went at home surrounded by those he love and who love him.
I know this can't compare, but I held my grandmothers hand in the hospital as she passed. While it was one of the most painful moments in my life it was also one of the most peaceful are reassuring parts of my life too. I know the being there was so much more comforting than not being there when Ive lost other loved ones.
I also know what you mean about learning who your real friends are. but I've had the same person (ex friend)make a scene 2 X when I've lost someone in my family. Once she wanted to talk all about the bad things we did in high school right infront of my greiving grandmother(I learned later that she was high on crack at the time). The second time she had me on some wild goose chase at the funeral home because she had told everyone that the grandmother of a friend of ours had died too. Turned out she meant me, but had told everyone that it was another girls grandmother. Mutual friends would show up and see me and try to get me to help find the other person. I even have a fear of publishing the death of anyone else, because I'm afriad she'll show up and make a scene.
post #18 of 138
9/2/03 at 1:45am
a'juice ...



May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem ...



post #19 of 138
9/2/03 at 3:01am
I'm so sorry for your loss. What a blessing for him to be surrounded by his beloved ones during his transition. May God bless you all.
Also, as Sha-lyn I helded the hand of my Mom when she passed away and it was of course incredible sad, but the peace that filled up that room was really amazing. I believe that someday we will be reunited again.
post #20 of 138
9/3/03 at 2:25am
Applejuice

Thanks for sharing with us all. I am so sorry for your loss. At the same time I dream of having a beloved husband like yours for 26 years and a family like yours, and tho he has passed, how blessed, how magnificent you are with your children.

I envy your family life and hope to be the woman you are someday.

He awaits you in Zion. Blessed be the incredible bond of your family.

My prayers are with you.

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