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Transitions... - Page 2

post #21 of 138
many, many hugs to you and your family.
post #22 of 138
i am very sorry for your loss. will be in thoughts and prayers.
post #23 of 138
Applejuice...

I don't know what to say. I hope you have some comfort in knowing there are so many of us here thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
post #24 of 138
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember so many of your posts mentioning your husband's illness. I am sure it has been a long and painful road and a very sad goodbye.

You are an amazingly strong person. I know well how hard it is to lose someone slowly, knowing their pain but afraid to lose them. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be with a spouse.

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it is still hard even though you have had time to prepare. I am glad he was surrounded by loved ones at home when it happened. An old saying in my family "They died well." Some people find it strange when they hear it but there is so much meaning in it.



I am so sorry Applejuice.
post #25 of 138
Quote:
Originally posted by abimommy
..... had time to prepare. I am glad he was surrounded by loved ones at home when it happened. An old saying in my family "They died well." Some people find it strange when they hear it but there is so much meaning in it.



I too have learned the meaning of "dying well" with the recent passing of my father. He also was able to stay at home and be cared for by family--and even though I wasn't there when he died (I left his home with my husband and four of my five children a mere two hours prior to his death)--there was an incredible peace and calm in the room while we sat with him in his final hours.

Being able to keep him close and care for your husband was the most beautiful parting gift you could give him. I am sorry to read of your loss and I will pray for peace and healing in your life with your children. Thank you for sharing your / his story. As sad as it is, it is also very empowering to read it. (((HUGS)))
post #26 of 138
Thread Starter 
B"H

Thank you all.

I know it is Shabos, but I wanted you all to know that my older two Dear Sons are going through his things and are assemblying a 'shrine' to him utiliziing his medals and pictures from his military campaigns. We went to Kinkos to clean some of them up.

Anyway it is truly a labor of love. I thank you for all of your kindness. My Dear Sons leave soon, one back to college and the other to wherever the USCG sends him. I still have my DD at home and my 11yr old DS who is beginning school for the first time this Monday at the school that I teach. He had been homeschooled by DH and I until now.

Love and Peace to all ...
post #27 of 138
I'm typing this with tears in my eyes. It sounds like he was truly the love of your life and for that loss I'm so sorry. The imprint he's made on his childrens lives will always be with them.

We should all be so lucky to have such a spiritual death. Surrounded by thoes who love us most.

You're a beautiful woman, thank you for sharing with us. I have a beautiful vision of you and your children caring for him.

Please lean on us for support when ever you need it
post #28 of 138
Thread Starter 
I am back at work, and my DS age 11 is enrolled for the first time in school. DH and I homeschooled him all this time, but he is with me.

My DS age 20 will returen to his post with the military in Ocotber, and my other Ds is back at college. My dd is working and living at home.

LIfe is an adjustment. I cry and I take one day at a time. WE had Back -to School NIght last night and I got my furniture reupholstered. It came in today; Dh and I chose it together, but he will never see it.

Anyway.life goes on. Thank you all for your help and love.

B'H
post #29 of 138
It's wonderful to hear that you are continuing with your life so good, can understand how difficult must be every day, but I'm sure that everything that you think he cannot se anymore he actually does, thorough your eyes. I believe love doesn't have frontiers and that probably he is always with you
((((hugs)))))
post #30 of 138
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It was beautiful to hear how dignified and loving his end was – he was a lucky man to have such a caring and strong family. Something I heard that I found helpful at times like this was – our loved ones live on through the impact of all the good things they did, in our memories, in the consequences of their actions, through their children … the idea that their life made an impact on this world.. that their life changed the people around them. I hope you can find comfort in this. Please take care of yourself.
post #31 of 138
Thread Starter 
I have been to a bereavement group and counseling.

I have been to the emergency hospital three times in the last week with symptoms that suggest a heart attack, but I am sent home and told that I am fine.

Am I?

I am told this is very normal.


Really?

The only thing that is keeping me going is my eleven year old son.
post #32 of 138
Oh sweetie I cannot imagine the pain you must be in right now. You've been deep in my thoughts. I read your story to my dh with tears in my eyes - it just moved me so deeply.

I wish I knew what to tell you. This is a HUGE loss for you and I would imagine that after 26 years of marriage you have a lot of greif work ahead of you. It hurts right now and for that I'm so sorry.

I'm very glad that you've been reaching out to for help. You need as much support right now as possible. Keep going to greif groups - maybe a group for greiving spouses if ther's one around you?

It sounds like you're having panic attacks. Have the doctors made any suggestions? I'd hate to see you on medications right now because they also surpress your emotions. As hard as it is to feel them right now, you do need to move through them.

Please know you can talk here any time - we understand and care.
post #33 of 138
Applejuice,

I have nothing brilliant to say to help you with your pain. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you, and wishing and sending you strength as you go through this hard and sad time.

post #34 of 138
Thread Starter 
I keep expecting my DH to come home and I try to save stories to tell him.

I even want to set a place for him, or talk to him.

I want to ask him if I did a good job on his funeral.

Bizarre, but true.
post #35 of 138
Applejuice, I really feel for you at this time. There's nothing bizarre about those thoughts. They make perfect sense and made me cry. Especially the 'expecting' - it's like a part of your mind knows he's gone and another part doesn't yet comprehend it.

The day to day stuff is just so hard when such an important part of your life is gone.

For what it's worth, I think his funeral was the most beautiful sounding funeral I've ever heard of. I hope when I go, my family is as thoughtful as you were.
post #36 of 138
Can you write the stories down for him? Maybe just hold them or tie them to a ballon and release them?

Go ahead and set a place for him if it feels right to you.

Applejuice, he's with you right now. He's a part of you. You can talk to him any time

I know you're in deep pain right now, I wish I could give you a hug in real life You're in my thoughts.
post #37 of 138
Thread Starter 
I am dreading the holidays coming.

I LOVED being a couple, and going to holiday parties! I loved dressing up and complimenting DH on his suits and going to parties and wining and dining.....! OHHH!

NOW I am a fifth wheel.

I am planning to do nothing and just dwell in the coldness and darkness of being alone.
post #38 of 138
It makes me sad to think of you feeling like a fifth wheel or being alone during times that you would have been happy.

However, I know that this darkness your feeling is a part greiving. Please know it's ok for you to do whatever you need to right now. The numbness has worn off and you're left with these raw emotions.

Please make sure you're taking care of yourself. I know it feels useless right now to try, but you need to stay healthy in order to go throught this

Also, please continue to reach out to others for support. How are the kids doing? You and your family remain in my thoughts.
post #39 of 138
Applejuice, my heart goes out to you. I hope the holidays will be kind to you, they can be so hard.

I agree with Ms Mom. Set a place for him at the table. Share your thoughts with him. Talk to him -- he is with you and will hear. I imagine his heart is breaking because you are in so much pain and he can't help in the way you need him to. He is with you, in the little things you can't see yet because the pain is still too new. But you will soon. He will show you he is there.
post #40 of 138
Quote:
Originally posted by applejuice

I have been to the emergency hospital three times in the last week with symptoms that suggest a heart attack, but I am sent home and told that I am fine.

Am I?

I am told this is very normal.


Really?
s

My mom also thought she was having life-threatening heart problems shortly after the death of my brother two months ago. As a relative is a cardiologist, she promptly got a complete work up, including an echocardiogram and a nuclear study.

Everything was physiologically normal.

Emotionally, of course, things are hardly ok.

Take care of yourself.
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