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Transitions... - Page 3

post #41 of 138
Thread Starter 
I went to the bank to deposit the insurance check I received. the check was for a large amount.

DH and I have had this account for all of our married life. The problem is that the "bank" has been absorbed into other ownerships over these past 26+ years.

I asked the teller for the privacy window. She refused and said it was not open. When I protested, saying that she was the teller in the privacy room last week, she refused again.

I asked to talk to a manager.

I quietly presented the check and deposit slip. She announced loudly without looking at me that there would be a hold on the check.

I knew this would happen since it was a large amount.

However this is why I wanted the privacy window.

The manager finally came over. I explained the situation to him. I was upset and took the check out of her hand and left with my check without waiting for the manager to respond.

I went to another branch and closed all of my accounts.

Life is too short to be treated like this. I had been putting off depositing this check since it feels as though I am burying him again or finalizing his death even more.

The Social Security Office was the same trip.
post #42 of 138
I can only imagine how painful that trip must have been.
post #43 of 138
That bank was shitty.
you must tell us which one it was. I demand to know....what assholes!

post #44 of 138
Thread Starter 
Formerly Hancock Savings,

Then Fidelity Savings, ...

Now California National Bank.

Same account, over twenty years old.
post #45 of 138

AARRGGHH!! I know exactly the insensitivity of which you speak. There was not much keeping me from running out into the middle of streets to scream at people "My LOVE is DEAD! You can't go on pretending as thought everything is fine!!" But they weren't pretending, their lives were fine, MINE was not...
My major insenitivity incident: the kids (2&4) and I boarded a plane 5 days after Mitch died. I carried his cremated remains in my roll-on bag. The plane from Chicago to LA was really crowded and when we got on a flight attendant marched up to me and announced "You WILL have to check that bag" "No, I won't, I have to have this with me" "THE BAG WILL BE CHECKED!" "Uh, NO! It contains my dead husbands cramated remains" At this point ALL the other attendants scrambled to make room for my bag, but this one stood her ground. I burst into tears, another attendant took my bag and we took our seats. She contined to glare at me for the entire trip, even asked the man next to us if he would like to *take a seat away from her*. (he stayed and gave me one of those helpless smiles, which I really appreciated!) I looked at her and said, "Your compassion is amazing! What is your name??" She gave me her badge number, not her name. Of course, I quickly forgot it ~ but not her 'tude. The only positive thing I can think of to come out of this would be the lessons the witnesses have learned from this interaction. I doubt any of them would ever be so insensitive.
My gut reaction was to think "I hope this happens to you!" But then I remember why it didn't ~ she couldn't handle it. I didn't know I could either, but I do ~ every day.
I've got a great 5th wheel story, too, but I've got to run... I think of you often and send you lots of strength and love.
post #46 of 138
The Social Security Office was the same trip.
Okay, quickly! If these assholes mess with you, contact your State Senator! For real! Tom Daschle has been the very best advocate I could have ever asked for! His office just resolved an issue I'd been dealing with for over 6 weeks, in just three days I had my money and everything was fine. It's their job!
sic 'em!!
post #47 of 138
Originally posted by hahamommy
She contined to glare at me for the entire trip, even asked the man next to us if he would like to *take a seat away from her*. (he stayed and gave me one of those helpless smiles, which I really appreciated!) I looked at her and said, "Your compassion is amazing! What is your name??" She gave me her badge number, not her name.
diana, wish I had been there - I'm short and seemingly gentle - UNTILL I'M PUSHED As a spectator that would have sent me over the edge

Diane, thank you for stepping in here. I think it's so helpful for people to know that they aren't the only one going through something like this. You always give so much of yourself to others
post #48 of 138

I am so sorry!!!!!!! I remember dealing with the bank too, with my ds by my side and bursting into tears. There has to be a better way for them to deal with grieving families.


thank you for your warmth and story. i cannot believe how insensitive people can be.

Big Hugs~

post #49 of 138
Thread Starter 
Social Security sent me a letter notifying me that I am not a suitable payee for my son; that another payee needs to be found.


Then I received another letter telling me I will be paid, but that I need to keep track of how I spend the money and report annually to the Social Security Office as to how the funds were spent.

Does the government ever reprot bakc to me how they spend my money?

Like sending letters with conflicting information.
post #50 of 138

How crazy. I know how complicated it was settling things after my grandmother died. I can't even imagine how much harder it for you to be going through this.

I tried to PM you but your box is full. I have an online friend on another site, that is going through something similar. She has several small children that she home schools, and her husband passed this summer. I thought the 2 of you might benifit from sharing with each other.
post #51 of 138
Now I'm not gonna b!tch too loudly, as they are the reason I get to be home with the kids, but aaarrrrgggghhh Social Security! Yes, they do send an annual form asking if the money sent in the child's name was spent for the care of the child (it's not itemized). They also send a form asking if YOU are remarried and if your child/ren still live with you. DO NOT DELAY, send in the forms immediately!!! I delayed, I waited til day 28 when they told me I had 30 days and I dropped it at the local office. It got *lost* and 1/3 of my income was held up for 7 weeks ~OUCH~ until I went to our senator's office. If EVER you have issue with them, make nice and talk to them, then RUN to your senator's local office.
The conflicting paperwork never ends! I dreamed once that the president fired 1/2 the SSA staff and announced a 20% raise in all benefits! I was sad to wake up

post #52 of 138
SSA~gotta love um . I am the payee for my ds (it gets automatically deposited into my account every month). Wonder why they are giving you such a difficult time???: Like Diana said, they send you a form every year asking how much you save out of the $$ you receive. Every year I tell them and every year, they get it wrong. Dane was recently adopted by my dh, but he will still be receiving SS until he is 18 yo.

Good Luck ~

post #53 of 138

Just crying and reading your thread and sending out some love.
post #54 of 138
Thread Starter 
Thank you pamelamama.

Thank you everyone. It means alot to me (oh!)

I just traveled out of state on Hallowe'en to be with my brother and his beloved and betrothed on their wedding day.

He and his new wife are expecting a boy in February, near my birthday, (Aquarius!) and they asked about the possibility of naming their son after my DH (!)

It would be a nice gesture, but I still miss my DH terribly.

I made the travel arrangements alone, which is nothing new, because I have done this many times before.

However, actually traveling alone is quite another matter, especially as a woman. I studied the maps and confirmed all reservations. Once there, checking in alone, in a strange town is a bizarre awakening to my new condition. I wished he was there to drive for me as I read the map. Going it alone is a new reality. I am not incapable, just in shock.
post #55 of 138
of course you're not incapable, you're lonely and missing your life partner. I'm so glad you made the trip. Its a small step in your grief.

How do you feel about the baby being named after DH? I'm sure in one way it would be a beautiful namesake, in another it would hurt every time they called his name. What are your thoughts? Are you comfortable talking to your brother about your feelings? It sounds like you're close and he would be very understanding of your wishes and feelings.
post #56 of 138
Thread Starter 
I got a notice from Social Security that they were removing from my checking account $1178.00 since it was "wired" in after DH died.

Well, that is really their fault.

I notified them immediately that he died. They made the mistake.

The paper work indicates that the DOD is wrong also. Social Security is the only office that demanded an official death certificate. And then they get it wrong! The airlines and all of the brokerage houses requested only a copy of the death certificate, and Social Security uses it to get everything wrong.

They were also the very rudest. There is no escaping it really, we are all locked into it, and they were hostile and rude. The brokerage houses treated me well, and I chose to put my $ there. Given the choice, I would never go near the SSI.

I never wanted the electronic deposit either. I was told that I had no choice. I was told that if I did not want it, "tough", open a checking account, or you don't get paid.

If I had received a paper check as I desired and requested, I would have returned the darn thing to the local social security office, intact.

Instead, I have a check landing magically into my checking account and then magically disappearing ... and checks bouncing all over.

The Social Security Office is run by A$$eS.
post #57 of 138
I am so sorry you are being handed all this crap from the SSI. This is the last thing you need right now..

I hope this all sorts out.
post #58 of 138

I think SSA should only hire people who have been recepients of the SS programs ~ there would be a lot more empathy! Don't be so sure they were correct in taking the money back ~ they once gave me $4000, then tried to take it back but it was GONE... when I sat down with a case worker, he figured out I only owed a $200 overpayment. They are now taking $10/month from my check to pay it back I know you're completely overwhelmed, but a visit to your Senator would really make a difference here ~ bring your paperwork and your record of conversations, the office there will handle it for you ~ really! It's why they make the big bucks!!
Congrats on your single travels! Oh, I know so well how hard that is and how empowering it is... sometimes, just sometimes, I can see the lessons this situation has to offer ~ though I don't want them ~ I know I must be grateful
post #59 of 138
Dear Applejuice,

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this nonsense. It's not your fault, and you don't deserve this. Social Security is run by doofuses. And direct deposit is a flawed, mostly ridiculous invention.

I have never been to an SS office or dealt with anyone there who had any compassion or more than three brain cells. My sister has been on SS since she was 18, and it never got any more organized or any better. One month, they gave her the money she needed, then came after her two days later, saying she had 'stolen' it. It was like, do you ever walk two doors down to see what each other is doing?

I'm sorry that life is not realizing that you need time and space and gentleness right now, and instead is bombarding you from all sides. I hope this will change, soon.

Hugs and love to you.
post #60 of 138
diana, again, I'm so thankful that you're here with such practicle information.

Applejuice I don't know what to say to you. This has been so hard on you on so many levels. Please keep reaching out and stying in touch. I continue to hold you in my thoughts.
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