getting flak from family and friends - Page 3

[MonP'titBoudain]

Originally Posted by babysanchez614

now im just worried about my mom. she cried on the phone with me the other day because i got so mad and frustrated with her when she brought it up and i didnt want to talk about it, she wouldnt get off the phone...shes a nurse btw.

i dont know how im gonna tell her shes not going to be in the room!

You know, I just told family clearly that this was going to be a private family thing (dh & me). And then we didn't tell anyone that I was in labor until after ds was born. It simplified things.

If your mom is a nurse, she needs an extra ounce of compassion, ime. She's got a repeating record of years of medical training and acculturation and can only see you as taking a major risk (both to yourself and your child). Even though you know you're not taking that risk, she's still fighting against her Mom emotions and LOT'S of bad training. So, depending on your energy level and the nature of your relationship, you might want to ask her to write out (write not ask, writing removes the emotion some) all of her fears re: a hb. Then you can respond with some specific resources for her to look up. And if she refuses to do actual research to understand this decision (of yours) then you need to walk away and let her deal with her own baggage. Which is a difficult thing to do with a mother!

I guess I think that a mother/daughter relationship deserves a little more energy in explaining (not defending) one's decisions. Definitely more so than friends! And the whole process might take you a long way in defining your boundaries as a new mother if you can begin to clearly define them now with your mom. Good luck!

[lilkat]

Originally Posted by babysanchez614

At any rate, I am definately moving past worrying about others and getting myself in gear for this birth...

That's wonderful! I'm just a few weeks away from my first HB, too; isn't it exciting?

FWIW, when I was forced to justify myself to friends and family early on, I just repeated the line, "I have done a lot of research and I am satisfied that homebirth is a safe alternative to hospital birth" over and over until they stopped bugging me. I did have a harder time with my sister (kinda like it sounds with your mom). So, with her, I just asked her what specific things she was worried about, then I countered all her "what ifs". Anything she asked about and I didn't know, I asked my mw, which helped better prepare me, anyway I realized that my sister was just so scared for me because she loves me, and once she had concrete answers to her fears, she's been a great supporter of my hb!

Good luck!

[mmaramba]

Hee hee!

Not to oversell it, but I plan on ordering a case of "Pushed" to hand out (if from half.com, LOL). To SERIOUSLY say, "You can actually keep this book. I bought a passle of them for the express purpose of giving them away. After you've read it, I'll be happy to talk to you about childbirth."

And then that's it. End of story.

Heck-- once they read it, I'll even DEBATE the subject. If they want to rebut the book with facts, I'm all ears. But I'm guessing it won't go down like that.

Like I said, not to oversell it. But after all the research and writing I've done over the years, I read Pushed and was like, "Hey! Now I don't have to write a book!"