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what if your grandchildren weren't bf  

post #1 of 67
1/31/08 at 10:58am
Thread Starter 
not sure if this goes here but...

i have a random odd worry...
something i think about often is "what if my son marries a woman that won't breastfeed her children"
i'm not sure what i'll do...i think it might break my heart...

do any of you ladies think about this? mind you my son is not quite two and i know this is about 20+ years off...but still!!
post #2 of 67
1/31/08 at 11:33am
Start the lactivism talks with your ds's girlfriends soon. That'll either convert her or scare her off.
post #3 of 67
1/31/08 at 12:25pm
oh, i would absolutely be the meddling, judgemental, raving-mad MIL that my DIL would rant about on her mainstream message board
post #4 of 67
1/31/08 at 12:39pm
I've wondered what I'll do if my own daughter doesn't nurse her kid. I try to think I'll be nice, but I know I won't be. It scares me.
post #5 of 67
1/31/08 at 12:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaghansMama View Post
oh, i would absolutely be the meddling, judgemental, raving-mad MIL that my DIL would rant about on her mainstream message board
I'll be the opposite! I've had so many run-ins with my in-laws, I want to be the exact opposite. If she chooses to formula feed, I will model "bottle-nursing" behavior when I feed the baby. I will always ask her if the baby prefers one position or another. I defer all things to mom. I will be non-judgemental, ask her opinion on everything and always ask before I buy the baby anything. I will also follow age-appropriate guidelines when buying things. I will do all the things my MIL doesn't do.
post #6 of 67
1/31/08 at 12:48pm
I have a friend who married a woman who was not at all interested in nursing. When their first child was born, he asked her to consider just trying to nurse, and she did, because her DH asked her to and it was important to him. She ended up nursing her child for a year, which is great, considering she wasn't planning on nursing at all!

She also has gone on to nurse their next child too.

So if they husband (your son) wants it, I think it should be his responsibility to express the importance of BFing to his wife. Hopefully, she'll have a good enough relationship with him that she'll consider his point of view and give it a try.
post #7 of 67
1/31/08 at 12:55pm
Cosidering my dil almost died from a botched section.Didn'r see her babies for the first 32 hrs and had nothing after the first few drops of colostrum,I try only to be supportive of her and the babies.Her choices are mainstream in many ways,and very ap in others.I'm just thankful she's still with us
post #8 of 67
1/31/08 at 12:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by art_teachermommy View Post
not sure if this goes here but...

i have a random odd worry...
something i think about often is "what if my son marries a woman that won't breastfeed her children"
i'm not sure what i'll do...i think it might break my heart...

do any of you ladies think about this? mind you my son is not quite two and i know this is about 20+ years off...but still!!

I would be disappointed, but I would not treat my DIL shabbily because of it, nor would I meddle and be obnoxious. I would want to see my grandkids.

All you can really do is try to encourage BF and give information when you can. The rest is really up to the mother.
post #9 of 67
1/31/08 at 1:18pm
Thread Starter 
I definatly wouldn't be a rude MIL treating the DIL horrible for her choice...those babies would be just a precious and wonderful to me regardless.
But it's still one of those strange thoughts that I think of time to time. My ped. actually brought it up one day (not knowing it was somethng I had thought of before). But that she often worried about if her baby's future wife would bf and that she had be told that if the importance of BFing was instilled in the child then that would be something that the son would look for as a trait in the wife. We just ended the conversation with...we can hope so...
Not something I can control...and wouldn't try...just something I think of
post #10 of 67
1/31/08 at 4:21pm
I have the same fears. It breaks my heart to think of my grandchildren not BFing, or CIO in their cribs, or being spanked. Eeeek! But extended BFing was modeled for me by my mother, and I didn't even think of BFing my DDs as a choice, I just thought of course I'll BF. So hopefully it'll work that way for my DDs. It is a small comfort that I have daughters so the choice to BF is more their own, but still.

I'm reading a book right now that suggests teaching boys from a young age that breasts are biologically intended for BFing. As soon as a boy is old enough, for instance, to remark on differing breast sizes, tell him, "She'll be able to nourish her child regardless of her breast size." If a boy grows to see women this way, perhaps he'll choose a woman who also is aware of the biological function of her body.

I love my children unconditionally, but if they choose to FF, I'll have that initial sinking feeling and shock, but I'll try to keep my mouth shut and be supportive. Yeah, I'll try...
post #11 of 67
1/31/08 at 4:35pm
My theory is that the way I raise my son will avoid that situation. My mother bf me until I was nearly 5 (years) and everything "AP" has always been normal to me. I would not have been attracted to a man who had opposite values. I hope that my son is the same way - he won't be attracted to a woman with stereotypical "mainstream" values.
post #12 of 67
1/31/08 at 4:58pm
ranama whats the book?
i would be upset if my grand children where not breast fed. i hope my son will grow up and be a better parent than i. i figure if every generation improves on parenting things will get really good. so that is my hopw
post #13 of 67
1/31/08 at 6:21pm
I've had this same thought. "What if DS marries some crazy woman who was Babywised and wants to do the same?" But, I gotta have faith that my son will choose his mate wisely, and that I am instilling a huge amount of respect for BFing and AP. I can't see someone who is being raised the way that he is being attracted to someone who is hands off with kids.

And if all else fails, I'll have 9 mths to convince her that BF is the way to go.
post #14 of 67
1/31/08 at 6:29pm
You know... I am a HUGE lactivist. But not being breastfed is NOT a fate worse than death. There are lots of loving moms who formula feed for whatever reason. I may not agree with it, it would not be my choice, but their babies will probably be fine if they are loved, rocked, cuddled, etc. And I'll be the grandma to be doing all the rocking and cuddling my daughter will let me, so...
post #15 of 67
1/31/08 at 7:38pm
I've thought of this also. I'd like to think my DD's upbringing will influence her future decisions regarding breastfeeding, circumcision, etc, and she'll not only value my opinions, but will also seek them out! Of course, if she chooses not to, I will not be judgmental. I'm sooo glad I'm bringing up a girl and not a boy for this very reason, though!

prettypixels...I know you! When ya movin' back here???
post #16 of 67
1/31/08 at 7:51pm
This is something I think about a lot. I know with my daughter, if/when she has a baby I hope that she will come to me for advice and support and I will give her good information. I can't say the same for any future DILs that my sons may end up giving me. I feel like it is out of my hands, and my only hope is that my boys end up with partners that share our family values.
post #17 of 67
1/31/08 at 7:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by prettypixels View Post
You know... I am a HUGE lactivist. But not being breastfed is NOT a fate worse than death. There are lots of loving moms who formula feed for whatever reason. I may not agree with it, it would not be my choice, but their babies will probably be fine if they are loved, rocked, cuddled, etc. And I'll be the grandma to be doing all the rocking and cuddling my daughter will let me, so...
I agree completely.

I will also say this...I have Raynaud's, and due to this and many, many other issues, bfing dd was HORRIFIC for 4 months (and not fabulous after that) and took a terrible toll on our relationship. I suspect dd has Raynaud's, too, b/c I've noticed her lips get a bluish in the cold. If she does, and it's bad, I would never berate her for not enduring the absolute h$ll that we went through to nurse.
post #18 of 67
1/31/08 at 8:05pm
I would be disapointed, but not angry. Of course, my 2 year old DS already breastfeeds his dolls, so I'm thinking he may be cool enough with breastfeeding to convince his wife to at least give it a go.
post #19 of 67
1/31/08 at 9:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by meganeilis View Post
And if all else fails, I'll have 9 mths to convince her that BF is the way to go.
9mths? Only if they have a shotgun wedding. Even in a pretty fast relationship you should get at least 17 months to work on her: 6 for them dating, plus 2 for them to get married and conceive a kid, and then the whole 9 months of pregnancy.

And if you work the first 6 months right you'll scare her away from your son before you ever have to worry about her being the mother of your grandchildren.

The secret to being the scary MIL is to be your scariest *before* she's considering marrying your son. As soon as you're introduced "I nursed my son for X years." "My friend just had a grandchild and the baby latched on for breastfeeding right away, isn't that great?" "It really is just the best thing for babies."

Anyone who's totally convinced they would never ever ever breastfeed will dump your ds ASAP.
post #20 of 67
1/31/08 at 9:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by prettypixels View Post
You know... I am a HUGE lactivist. But not being breastfed is NOT a fate worse than death. There are lots of loving moms who formula feed for whatever reason. I may not agree with it, it would not be my choice, but their babies will probably be fine if they are loved, rocked, cuddled, etc. And I'll be the grandma to be doing all the rocking and cuddling my daughter will let me, so...
Couldn't have said it better myself!
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