what if your grandchildren weren't bf - Page 4

[njeb]

I am in this situation right now. My oldest ds got married last year to a woman who is infertile. If they have children at all, they will have to adopt. And, due to medical issues, my dil will not be able to lactate. Therefore, my grandchildren will not only not be biologically mine but will be ff to boot.
You know what? I'm ok with it! My dil is a wonderful woman--intelligent, accomplished, funny, honest. My ds is lucky to have her as his wife.

[debbieh]

Well luckily both my dd and my dDIL breastfed all three of my grandsons. So I didn't have to face that problem. I would totally expect my dd to bf because of the way she was raised and the fact that none of my dc ever had bottles. (Even my ds used to bf his trains and trucks when he was little) As a matter of fact, my dDIL wasn't bf when she was a baby, but my son was, and he watched me bf his baby sister till she was 4 yo, so when they began to talk about having babies, she talked to me about bfing. I was as supportive as possible, without meddling. I had a meddling MIL and learned very quickly exactly what kind of MIL I WOULD NOT be. I'm a total lactivist, having bf all three of mine, and as I said, one till she was 4 yo. Would I have been disappointed if my grandsons weren't bf? Absolutely! But I always try to be supportive of my dc, instead of critical.
And like many other pp's, I also believe that having raised my dc in the way I did, baring any health issues, there would be no question about whether or not they would bf. It would be a natural choice.
Do my dc always make the decisions I think they should? No, but I support them anyway. I didn't make the decisions my parents or IL's thought I should either.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by TeaghansMama

oh, i would absolutely be the meddling, judgemental, raving-mad MIL that my DIL would rant about on her mainstream message board

same here

I'd take it VERY hard, if my daugher or future DIL decide to FF.
Same with letting the baby cry it out, cut his genitals or vaccinate. AFTER knowing the facts about these three things (and I'll make sure they know it) I consider it child abuse.

[ewins24]

I've been really thinking about this for the last few days and I've come to realize that I think I would be devastated if any of my 3 DD's didn't BF my grandchildren. I really hope I've made more of an impression on how much better BF'ing is than FF'ing.

I actually talked to my 14 yr old about it and she sd "Mom, I don't think I'd have a choice." I told her that she did but I would be upset if she chose not too but I would be supportive, just sad but I would always support her. Hopefully, I get to be there for her birth and help her to BF.

[Mindy82]

Originally Posted by art_teachermommy

not sure if this goes here but...

i have a random odd worry...
something i think about often is "what if my son marries a woman that won't breastfeed her children"
i'm not sure what i'll do...i think it might break my heart...

do any of you ladies think about this? mind you my son is not quite two and i know this is about 20+ years off...but still!!

You say nothing and do nothing because It's not your decision to make.

[ORxPlant]

Funny, but I do think about it. It would make me sad for my grandchildren if they weren't BF, but I will always support DS and his choices.

===================

Thought I'd add that my girlfriends w/ daughters joke about that being a requirement to win DS's heart.

[FREEmom1120]

bump.

I read this thread while I was still lurking and it fascinated me. I thought about it again when aaronsmom posted recently about her mom and grandma being so adamant that she give her child a bottle.

It's the opposite scenario, but the heart of the issue is the same.

We don't get a say in what our kids or their spouses choose to do in their adult lives. We can do everything to influence them toward what we know and believe to be right, but then it's their life to lead. We've had our turn to make all the parenting decisions, and now it's their turn.

Maybe I'm just not harcore enough. But relationships matter a whole hell of a lot more to me than me making sure my ideals are lived out for generations to come. Even though I might be really disappointed about my kids' parenting decisions or those of their spouses; if they are showering their kids with affection, attention and unconditional love I think I will be really happy. So many kids don't get that. I'm not going to risk damaging the relationships that I've built with my kids since day 1 because I don't agree with a decision they make as an adult.

Oh, and as an aside...I don't think we really get a choice on who our kids fall in love with, regardless of how we raise them... I was raised conservative southern baptist and am married to an alcohol drinking clove smoking tattooed up comic book nerd.