DD is asking for a sibling

[LunaMom]

DD is 4 1/2 and currently an only child She has asked for a sibling in the past, but tonight during her bath, she got very, very serious and asked again. This time she even said a brother would be fine too (in the past she's always insisted she just wants a sister!), she just wants another child in the family, and that she feels lonely being the only one. She actually got tears in her eyes when telling me this. It took a ton of willpower not to cry myself.

Dh is not quite ready for another baby yet, and I respect that and understand his reasons (don't want to go into them here, though), but DD's sadness tonight really took me by surprise. I had no idea she felt that way. Even when I told her more about what it's like to have a new baby in the house, and how long it takes before the baby is old enough to be fun, and how much older she would be...it didn't change a thing. I've never seen her so serious about anything.

Just wanted to share, I guess, and hear what anyone who reads this has to say...

[somemama]

Well, the adults in the household have to be ready, too.

Are you ready for another? If you are, would your dh be willing to reconsider?

Also, your dd is probably asking for more friends, even though she doesn't realize it. Asking for a sibling is her way of expressing it.

Can you get her involved in soccer, girl scouts, or some other organization where she could meet and play with more kids?

When she does ask, rather than just telling her no, or telling her the downside of siblings, ask her questions and let her talk. Ask questions like: What would you want us to name a baby? How would you help mommy take care of the baby? What would you teach the baby? That would help her feel empowered and perhaps also give you clues to what she feels she is missing. It would also make her feel like she had been seriously "heard" on the issue.

You can end with, "Well, I'm not sure if we're going to have another child or not. But if we did, you'd sure make a great big sister." Or something like that.

[teachma]

Well, I don't know if this will help or not, but... my ds is just 3 years old, but starting when he was around 2, he would dish out the "no sibling" guilt trip. He'd run through the list of his friends, "Mommy, do you know who Shelby's brother is? It's Travis. Do you know who Brynn's brother is? It's so-and-so? And do you know who my brother is? I have no brother." Followed by a sulk and a major pout. He would talk incessantly about babies, would follow their strollers at the market, and would tell me at night, "If we had a baby at our house, he could sleep with us in my bed and I would make him feel better if he was crying." Fast forward a year or so- we are expecting #2 in April! We haven't told him yet, but to prepare him for the reality, I now initiate the baby conversations. And wouldn't you know it? He is totally disinterested, says he WOULDN'T help with a baby, says the baby COULDN'T sleep in his bed, and so on. So, I guess what I am trying to open up for you is the possibility that while she wholeheartedly believes at this moment that she would love to have a sibling, when faced with the reality, who knows how she would actually feel? Also, children have lots of wants and desires that we don't always fulfill, right? So surely this isn't the first time she isn't getting exactly what she wants. I know you wouldn't have another child JUST for her anyway; it would have to be something you and dh both also wanted. I like mamajulie's idea about how to pursue the conversation with her!

[isleta]

My ds is almost 4 and has been asking for a baby brother for some time. I always tell him mama is not ready yet. I am a single mama and would have great difficulty with another at this time However, my good friend is having a baby and her daughter,( who is the same age), has told him she will share!
I agree with talking it out also. My son i willing to all for a baby! He is in preschool now and through my moms ap group does have friends. I also think that because both sets of cousins are boy/girl he thinks this is the way. I grew up with two siblings and know its fun to have company sometimes, even if it is constant


Also, many of my friends are having babies. I think 4 is a popular age distance and he ses that they are all having sblings.

[LunaMom]

Thanks for the feedback.

Dd actually has quite a number of friends, so any loneliness she feels is just at home - yikes, that sounds terrible, as if I never play with her, which couldn't be further from the truth. She goes to preschool and loves it, and will be taking both soccer and gymnastics this fall, has fairly frequent playdates and is quite the social butterfly on the playground!

I'm sure that if we did have another baby, she wouldn't love it as much as she thinks she would! She is quite used to being the center of attention at home and at Grandma and Grandpa's. But on the other hand, I figure she is old enough now to have a better understanding of things.

Anyway, I appreciate everyone's thoughts!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

No advice, but a "sympathy/you aren't the only one" story. Last week I was driving the car with my just turning 4 YO DS and 6 mo. old. DD. DS says "Mommy, I want another baby". I make "tell me more" noises. He continues, "Not just one, I want twin baby girls". I about fell off of the seat! Not sure why this is coming up, but I hope the phase passes quickly! We are finished having babies and its not possible for me to give him his request, even if I wanted to! I'm really hoping that next week it will be a puppy instead!

[tausborn]

She may say she wants one now, but after that baby gets here, she'll be asking you to take it back! After she sees how much time she loses with you, all the rivalry starts.