or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Natural Living › The Mindful Home › Frugality & Finances › February Low Income Mama Support Thread
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

February Low Income Mama Support Thread - Page 9

post #161 of 254
earthymama, don't doubt yourself. If you really do want to leave your husband, you can. that was me 7 months ago. I doubted myself SO much and I thought I could never leave my husband. I was miserable. BUT I started applying for jobs while we were still together. I found a waitressing job and got hired. He moved out and I've been on my own financially since then. It's been 6 months and I've not taken a DIME of his money other than the child support due to me. He actually borrowed money from me last month. It felt REALLY REALLY REALLY good! And do NOT believe him about custody. Every single man I've known, heard of, witnessed, etc that has been backed into a corner about divorce or birth out of wedlock has stated that they WILL retain custody of the child and there's nothing you can do about it. It's such a lie. Who has been the primary caregiver of the children up to the separation??? You. Unless you have a drug problem, completely unstable mental condition or otherwise are an unfit parent, you will have no problem retaining custody. It's in your best interest to allow him joint legal custody(for decision making) and liberal visitation but if you truly believe he may kidnap her, it's something you need to make very very clear to the courts. They may authorize supervised visitation for a certain period of time if they believe the fear is warranted. Don't let fears of financial worry make you stay in a bad marriage. There are all sorts of financial aid programs out there available to you. But first work on deciding whether or not you two have hit a rough patch and can recover or whether you truly do WANT to leave. If you do, you need to find a job and daycare.

For what it's worth, both my older daughter's dad and the younger girls' dad have said to me that they WOULD keep the kids no matter what I wanted and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I still have all 3 girls. And it's been nearly 6 years since the oldest girl's dad has seen her, of his own accord. And my ex is a wonderful babysitter when I"m working which provides him tons of time with the kids and gives me free daycare. We are getting along better now that we are separated than when we were married, and we are actually pretty good friends. And I didn't have to do anything in court to get custody. PM me if you want to chat about the situation or about court issues. I'm not great on divorce law but I can tell you most things you need to know about child support, visitation, custody, etc. and I'm a pretty sympathetic ear about being single and raising kids!
post #162 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmama View Post
dill, anything you can sell on ebay? crafty things you can do to make some money? watch a kid or two during the week? I am staying at home right now on tax refund money until next month but I am also knitting for extra money to supplement. Do you canadians have any social services organizations you can go to for some assistance???
Hmmm...dh might have some comics he'd part with, but I really don't have anything of value, except my engagement ring...we've actually pawned pretty much everything of value over the last year or so (tools, electronics etc). Dh does do woodworking though, he's going to make up a batch of little wooden toys and we'll see if we can sell any locally. I wish I could do crafty things! Every time I try I give up in tears of frustration...the only thing I can do is cross-stitch, which isn't really lucrative.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthyMamaofDaisy View Post
Hey Mamas,
I haven't posted in awhile cuz everything here has been so depressing. I just finished reading all the posts and it seems everyone else isn't doing much better! My husband and I have been fighting really bad. We talked about divorce but it just wont' work out because neither one of us wants to go up against a custody battle. He keeps reminding me that either way he's taking our daughter wherever he goes. I'm afraid he would kidnap her and besides there's no way I could make it financially on my own. I really don't have the energy to work full time and I'm horrible at finding jobs. I interview really terribly. And my car insurance just went up by a lot. I called to ask why and they said the re-evaluated the NH rates. I'm running out of food and need to go back to the food pantry soon. We are almost out of pellets again and we have to spend $250 out of this week's check for another ton. I'm hoping that will last us the rest of the winter. : Daisy came down with a croupy cough and fever but I've been giving her Aconite and she's improving.
Anyway, the only thing that cheered me up is that a few weeks ago I bought some really cheap batik fabric at JoAnne's and yesterday I sewed some cheery new curtains for my living room window. Also I'm working really hard to get my name out there for doing part time childcare. Now if I could only keep my house clean for if I get any prospective customers...

Hugs to everyone!
I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough time with your husband...I hope things look up for you both very soon. Congratulations on the curtains! I need to figure out how to sew (or rather, how to tame my ancient and ornery sewing machine) so I can do stuff like that to cheer up our house. Little things like that can really give you a big lift.
post #163 of 254
Thread Starter 
Yay! here we are!

asianyoushi- i think her name was kentuckyDOULAmomma(sp?)

Dill- put the toys here on the TP....we LOVE our kids o play with good toys.......and i am so glad about the really good food. meat is a hot commodity...i get very little.

belle and aura...my sister has endo. i'm sorry

hi justmama

gotta eat. see you in the morning
post #164 of 254
Thread Starter 
good morning mamas!

wow, i think i am really having withdrawals from pain meds i didn't think you could get addicted to something you didn't get high off, didn't do recreationally. and didn't overly like. but, omg....i am a wreck. stomach cramps, shaking, sweating, nervous, can't focus. feel like just crying forever.


but.


i had the most amazing food for dinner last night. hat always makes me pretty darn happy. i always forget how much i love kale and how good it makes me feel.and garlic. and tomatoes. no leftovers

earthymomma....not much advice. just trust YOURSELF. the mamas here and in the single parenting forum are amamzing. my biggest advice is DOCUMENT! if you went in to court with all the crap he has said to you written down, the judge would look at him and see him as an overbearing abusive butt. you are NOT goin to lose your children because he says so. he would be the one to lose the kids for being an unreasonable parent. think of it this way. you have ALWAYS done the right things for your children.....why would that change just because he says so?

grrrr..... i am way out of sorts. think i need to rest.

see you in a while
post #165 of 254
ediesmom I am so sorry you are going through the withdrawls, how crappy!! Do you have any pills left so you could take part of one or something? and taper off?
post #166 of 254
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamoo View Post
ediesmom I am so sorry you are going through the withdrawls, how crappy!! Do you have any pills left so you could take part of one or something? and taper off?
i called my dr..

this is amazing. i wasn't expecting it.

i was SO glad to have surgery to take care of the issue,,,,and now this.

yea, i am definitely a 'junkie', and it doesn't feel very good.

i really feel the need to 'taper off'......the doc MUST have known this would happen....after months of being on them.

i am so glad edie isn't here. i am crashing. (my poor dogs....they don't get it)
post #167 of 254
Hey girls s

JustMama- speaking of knitting for money, I would like to place an order

I hope everyone is doing well
post #168 of 254
hey ediesmom! Sorry you are having withdrawals. I'm not surprised. all those celebrities DO get addicted to pain meds. When you don't need them they do give you a numbing high feeling. sorta like smoking a joint, ya know? kinda mellow and spacey, minus the munchies~(and the giggling)


so it's a big snowy world out there for us(crud, Grace just barfed on my shoulder.) Kids are home on school break so we will be headed out there to sled a little, which means poor Gracie needs to live in her sling while I bounce her around a tad! But it's good exercise for me, which I need. Dan got his anthrax vaccine last night so i'm scared to have him come near the kids even though I dont' know if it sheds off like normal live vaccines. It's a bio-engineered chemical so there isn't much of a package insert to read. All I know is that he's scared to death of it affecting his body and so am I. It can make you sterile.: SOOOOOOOOOOO, otherwise everything is good. I'm hoping he takes the kids for a few hours this weekend like he promised so that I can go get a haircut. I haven't had one in a year and my hair is getting so long in front that it's getting very weighed down and it doesn't curl like the back does and so it just looks horrible everyday.

gratefuls:
-wic. just got my checks this morning and it really does help out a lot

-rice and beans. SO yummy and SO cheap. that's dinner tonight. cook rice with a can of veggie juice and top with melted cheese and it's a kid-pleasing meal and healthy and cheap.

-blenders. i know, stupid right? not at all. quick yummy breakfast that helps me lose those 20lbs left from pregnancy. SMOOTHIES!

-internet. I'm job and apartment searching today all from the comfort of my kitchen. found a nanny job I'm applying for.

-the movie Shrek. my kids love it and so do I!


Off to watch it with them and knit some playfood for the easter basket-making crowd! LOVE selling stuff like that!
post #169 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*Jaime View Post
Hey girls s

JustMama- speaking of knitting for money, I would like to place an order

I hope everyone is doing well
got your email about the outfit. What color do you think?????
post #170 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmama View Post
got your email about the outfit. What color do you think?????
Probably gender neutal, since you never know what gender the kid is gonna pop out But it is more of a girl outfit though, since it's a dress. I suppose it would be wrong to put a little boy in it
post #171 of 254
well you are talking to the mama who has her daughter mistaken for a little boy CONSTANTLY and would put a son in a diaper with pink and flowers so I dont' think it would be wrong at ALL! Let me go searching. Acrylic or cotton? I know you can't do wool..
post #172 of 254
ediesmom ~ hugs


everyone ~

I will try to post more later when I don't have a sick 3 yo screaming at me.
post #173 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmama View Post
well you are talking to the mama who has her daughter mistaken for a little boy CONSTANTLY and would put a son in a diaper with pink and flowers so I dont' think it would be wrong at ALL! Let me go searching. Acrylic or cotton? I know you can't do wool..
Whatever is softess And yep, I am allergic to wool. I wish I wasn't though. I am the only bride in history to be allergic to her DH on her wedding day *his suit was wool*
post #174 of 254
Thread Starter 
good morning mamas,

feeling so much better this morning....doc is weaning me instead of the big crash.

one of my favorite folk singers was in town last night and i thought i would go yea, not so much.... but i did dig out an itunes gift card and download his latest cd. its something

i have so much housework to do.....nowthat i am not squished into a ball on the couch freaking out laundry and dishes first, then i would love to vaccuum...we'll see

i'll chech in later.....it was so quiet here last night.....nothing to respond to.
post #175 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by ediesmom View Post
good morning mamas,

feeling so much better this morning....doc is weaning me instead of the big crash.

one of my favorite folk singers was in town last night and i thought i would go yea, not so much.... but i did dig out an itunes gift card and download his latest cd. its something

i have so much housework to do.....nowthat i am not squished into a ball on the couch freaking out laundry and dishes first, then i would love to vaccuum...we'll see

i'll chech in later.....it was so quiet here last night.....nothing to respond to.
glad the doc is weaning you off it.. its a nasty drug i took alot of it during my two pregnancies i hope i didnt make my kids dependent on it.:

i know the feeling of house piled up- yesterday i decided i would get off my pregnant butt and vaccum. omg i was disgusted by the container(bag less vaccum) had to dump it twice( our apartment is not big but God that was gross.(3 rooms-my bedroom,living room and dinning room. )gotta do kids room today. hopefully they will cooperate. well i must go need to get breakfast
post #176 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by ediesmom View Post
good morning mamas,

feeling so much better this morning....doc is weaning me instead of the big crash.

one of my favorite folk singers was in town last night and i thought i would go yea, not so much.... but i did dig out an itunes gift card and download his latest cd. its something

i have so much housework to do.....nowthat i am not squished into a ball on the couch freaking out laundry and dishes first, then i would love to vaccuum...we'll see

i'll chech in later.....it was so quiet here last night.....nothing to respond to.
hoping for a very productive, paranoia-free day! Wish me a good haircut, he's here to get them!
post #177 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmama View Post
hoping for a very productive, paranoia-free day! Wish me a good haircut, he's here to get them!
good luck on ur hair cut.. r u gonna post befor and after pics?
post #178 of 254
Good luck with the haircut!

This next week is my last week home with Rhysie. I have to go back to work and it's killing me -- not that I don't want to work, but I want another month or two of maternity leave, and a more flexible schedule after that, and yeah. NOT going to happen. Especially considering that the hags in human resources were giving me crap about taking the 8 weeks I did take. (They can all die in a fire now, right?). I'm insanely jealous that DH 'gets' to stay home only because he makes less money than I do. I seriously wonder why I even bothered going to professional school in the first place, if all it's done is get me a more stressful job and keep me away from my kids.

Also, to keep breastfeeding it looks like I'm going to have to *ahem* 'import' some domperidone. I pump for absolute crap, and I knew I'd probably have to use meds because nothing else worked with Elliot, but it's still demoralizing. And EXPENSIVE... $110 for a 12 week supply. But hey, it's cheaper than formula. (It is, isn't it? I've never bought formula and have no idea how long those cans last...)
post #179 of 254
Belleweather good luck with the domperidone ~ s ~ yes it would be cheaper than formula... when I was ff'ing my ds it was about $10 for one can of formula... that can would last 2, maybe 3 days if I "stretched" it with extra water or rice cereal : which really I only did a few times, when we were really tight. Otherwise we just ran up credit. : If the d. works and you're able to nurse better it's TOTALLY worth it. 1100%

I'd also suggest oatmeal and beer, specifically oatmeal stout... also a glass of red wine (NOT all at the same time ) ... I don't know WHY these worked for me but, after eating a bowl of oatmeal, drinking TONS of water, and then sipping beer or wine my milk supply would always peak again.


ediesmom ~ I'm so glad that you're weaning off. Good luck.

asianyoushi ~ good work cleaning! I STILL haven't done my dishes : ... or vaccuumed... or ... anything... : ... mostly I've been in pain and depressed. But I pinkie-promised my ds I'd make the kitchen sparkle by Sunday night... and pinkie-promises CANNOT be broken!! (Wish me luck )


post #180 of 254
Thread Starter 
hi mamas!


i'm headed out to 'dinner'

a baked bean supper at a local church:



i haven't been to one in years, and i am so craving baked beans....the real sweet new england baked beans

and i want so many of them big heaping plates of them, with cole slaw....i may even have a hotdog (probably not though....its been years and it might make me sick)

big hugs belle....

and justmama....should we call you hotmama now? i bet you feel like a zillion bucks.....and enjoy your time with justgracie.

and hi to everyone else. i logged on and got that 'home' feeling again. love you mamas.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Frugality & Finances
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Natural Living › The Mindful Home › Frugality & Finances › February Low Income Mama Support Thread