My friend died, she has an 10 yo daughter...

[lizann]

But she lives in CA, and I live in MO.

My friend had been suffering from cancer for about a year. She just died on Friday. She had gone down hill the last week, and she died in her sleep. Her daughter found her.

I feel like I want to do something. Do I send her a card, write her a letter? Just to let her know that she is being thought of.

I'm not that close to the daughter anymore. I moved from CA when she was a toddler. She only knows me through her mom.
I don't want to impose.

Also, I know her stepdad is going to have a hard time with this. Is there anything that I can suggest and be open for?
In a Mothering issue from last year, the article about funerals and children, I reread that yesterday. I wish I had that online so I could send it to my friend's husband.
any websites that anyone knows of that I could possibly forward to him?

Thanks for any imput. I'm feeling sad right now so I'm sorry if this was too long and winded.

hugs!

[Irishmommy]

((((lizann)))). I would write a letter. Tell her stuff about her mom, especially good stuff she might not know. I think it would help.

[Parthenia]

By all means send her a card or write a letter. She doesn't have to know you very well to get some comfort from kind words.

You can tell her, you were a friend of her mother's. Tell her something nice you remember doing with them as a family. Share a memory of your friend that her dd wouldn't necessarily know. You won't be imposing.

Calling the family and saying you're in my thoughts, and that your lines are open if they need someone to talk to is a small gesture, but can be the most helpful thing. If the article isn't online, you could photocopy it and send it.

Sometimes it's the little things we do when someone is hurting that are the most helpful.

[lisamarie]

I am so deeply sorry to hear about your friend. I think sending the family a card or note would be wonderful and very thoughtful. Its so nice to know that people truly care and are thinking about you during a deep time of grief and loss. I think writing memories down about her mother, would be wonderful.

You can order past issues of Mothering Magazine too, here online. I really thought he article they did, was so helpful and insightful.

I am sorry for your loss and feel so deeply for the family. ((BIG HUG)))))

Warmly~

Lisa

[lizann]

Thanks for all your help. I am going to write a letter to her. Telling her about many of the fun times we had together and things I remember.

What's hard is that I sent my friend a birthday card with a long letter and sending her pictures of my new baby. But since this last week she was so weak, she never got to my letter. I told her husband to read it and to have her daughter read it too. I had written some rememberances in that letter also.

I want the daughter to know that I'm here for her too if she ever wants to correspond.

thanks so much. This board has been very healthful to me.

lots of hugs back to you! {{{{{}}}}}

[lunasmum]

i think too that letting the daughter know that you are available to answer any questions she might have about her mum, not just now, but as the years pass would be helpful.

as she grows, there are things she will want answered that she can't think of now. and if you can assist her with some memories, etc., i'm sure that will be invaluable. i say this as a woman who lost her mum at 25. i have so many things now, that i would like to ask her, as a woman of 36. but even if i had a dear ftiend of hers to talk to, it would be so helpful. noone seems to remember anything, especially the little things that make them so dear to us. so jot down some of your friends interests, inspirations, joys - the details that people forget
and keep these to share with her daughter as she grows and her questions about her mom change.

you can make a difference in this little girls life, now and later, just by letting her know that you care.