What do you do when the management approaches you?

[mbhf]

I have been nursing in public for years, and have probably gotten 3 negative comments, 2 from other mothers and just recently by the management of TJ Maxx here in Summerville, SC.

I was walking around the store nursing my 14 month old and two women with clip boards come up to me. One of them was really nice, the other was not so nice. They said they had a room for me to go to if i needed to nurse and that they had gotten several complaints. I asked if they were asking me to stop nursing or leave, and they said they wanted me to be respectful of their customers (what, I'm not a customer??) and that if I was respectful of their customers that they would be respectful to me. I just told them I didn't think they were being particularly respectful of my right to feed my baby, and walked away. I stuck around for a little while, just to put my stuff away and left, but I felt like I should have said something else. It really upset me and I kind of froze up because I was so surprised.

What should I have done? Is there anything I should do now, several weeks later?

[meganmarie]

I am very sorry this happened to you, and I can see how something like that could keep sticking in your mind and really bother you even weeks later.

Your response sounded actually pretty good - kind of snappy! Especially considering that you were probably quite taken aback and unprepared for a confrontation with management. I also like that you put your purchases away and left. You did not reward the store with your business, given that they were, as you pointed out, not valuing you as an actual "customer"!

There are a couple of things you could do if you were prepared in the future, which would be a) explaining the law in your state, assuming that SC has a law protecting mothers' right to bf in public (I think the LLL site has a section with the relevant laws?) b) asking for the employees' names so you can report their actions to management and c) filing your own complaint with store management (politely and respectfully of course!) either immediately in person or afterwards in writing.

If it is still bothering you now, I don't think it is at all too late to write, if you think it will make you feel better and bring closure - and will also potentially make a difference for the next mother who needs to feed her baby in that store. I would call the store to find out the store managers' name AND the district managers' name, so you can cc them both by name on the letter. If you really want to make a stir, you may be able to find the Corporate Director of Store Operations or Chief Operating Officer on the main website.

Rather than an angry letter, you could write it in a way that assumes that TJ Maxx corporate does not discriminate against nursing mothers, that you are simply bringing the actions of uninformed employees to their attention. You can warn them that other companies (from Delta Airlines to Victoria's Secret to Applebee's) have recently experienced negative publicity from similar incidents. You can point out that the best way for them to avoid this would be to implement some associate training on this issue and provide information about state laws so that employees will be better able to handle such situations correctly in the future. While TJ Maxx can certainly offer a comfortable nursing room (not a bathroom!) as a courtesy to customers, they cannot force anyone to use it, and should rather explain to any "offended" customers that nursing mothers' have a right to feed their children in public areas, and they have a right to look away if they choose.

Good luck if you decide to go forward with this.

[Emmeline II]

My plan is to ask for the correct spelling of their names for the lawsuit as they are violating my civil rights .

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by mbhf

What should I have done?

If you weren't feeling up to educating them about the law, the only thing I see that you could have done differently was hand the items over to them instead of putting them away yourself. Bonus points for just dropping them on the floor and walking away.

But the mature responsible thing is cool too.

[TattoMomK]

Here's your law:

S.C. Code Ann. § 20-7-97-116 (2005) Provides that a woman may breastfeed her child in any location where the mother is authorized and that the act of breastfeeding is not considered indecent exposure.

[wonderwahine]

I carry copies of my states law with me, so I will tell them about my right by law to be nursing where I am, and hand them a copy of the laws.

[Chandar]

Good for you for sticking up for yourself mama!

www.FirstRight.org is compiling a database of all of the incidents across the country. They can also help if you want to contact the company and educate them on the laws in your state. Or they will contact the company on your behalf if you wanted to remain completely out of it. Go to the website and scroll down and click the link for have you experienced discrimination.

[Romana]

When nursing (will be again soon), I carry several copies of my state's breastfeeding laws in my purse and/or baby's diaper bag (just a couple of pages). Although I haven't been harassed about BF yet, I'm prepared with the law and that's how I would approach it. I would first say, "Did you know that I have a legal right to breastfeed my baby here?" and if they persisted, I would produce the law and discuss it with them, making certain to point out that the law specifically states I can sue them for refusing to allow me to breastfeed. I would be very friendly, helpful, and informative, trying to stay as calm as possible . . . I'm pretty good at that, even when flustered . . . but be very clear that I was aware of my rights. And no matter what, if I was harassed, I would follow up with a letter to management and higher-ups regarding the law and employee training regarding a woman's right to breastfeed.

If I had any doubt that I wasn't talking to a manager or owner, I would request to speak with one immediately. No point in arguing with six different people, kwim?

[Llyra]

I did like the PP; I printed up little cards with the state's breastfeeding laws on them, for my own state (NJ) and for PA, too, since I live right on the border. If anybody ever harasses me, I'll just fork over a card. But so far, nobody has ever bothered me except my one cousin who told me I was "nasty." I wasn't too bothered by that, though; he's a boor and a lout and someone like him thinks I'm nasty, I'll take that as a compliment.

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

My plan is to ask for the correct spelling of their names for the lawsuit as they are violating my civil rights .

yep. correct spelling for the media coverage, too, lol.

1, inform them of the law
2, if they continue to ask you to leave or cover, get their name and ask for manager
3, inform manager of law, if no result, get managers' names and leave.

No need to get in a verbal duel, just say the law and ask for names.

[*MamaJen*]

I'm a newspaper reporter, and when an LLL leader contacted us about a similar issue that occurred locally a couple of years ago, we were thrilled. My personal beliefs about breastfeeding rights aside, the story sold a lot of papers. It was on government property in this case, but a large corporation is almost as good. You might not be inclined for that kind of publicity, but it's always an option.