An Odd Question

[GoodWillHunter]

For those of you with more than one child... A question.

I've noticed over the years that I've preferred (not quite the word I wanted, but it'll do for discussion!) the younger children to Connor. I'm pretty sure, though, it has something to do with the fact that Connor has a different dad than the others and I'm not with him 24/7. Much of what I try to instill in Connor gets undone in a weekend with his Dad, i.e., no crappy food and stuff like that. Dad has been known to feed him froot loops and dorritos for dinner (ick!). Not to say that Froot Loops and Dorritos don't have their place in the world, but I prefer my child not be fed them for a meal! I guess I'm dealing with the fact that Connor isn't "completely" mine, per se. I love him madly, deeply, and motherly, but sometimes I just prefer the younger ones to him. Anyone else feel this way? Am I a hideous mom? I sure hope not! I always tell him that he is such an awesome kid that I just had to have more!

[Faith]

I hope this makes sense...

I know what you are saying. All my DC (2.5 of them) have the same daddy. But... My parents tried to sue us for forced third-party visitation (so-called grandparent "rights"). If they had won in court, our DC would have been forced to go over there every other weekend, holiday, etc.

It was *the* most tramatic thing I have *ever* went through. I thought about it a lot! If they would have been over there all the time doing things I had no say in, I would have felt like I was no longer really their mother at all. What good would it do for me to nurse, co-sleep, gentle discipline, limit TV, love God, etc, for them to be forced to go over there to get formula, cry-it-out, get hit, watch R-rated movies all day and be told God is pretend like a cartoon?

I can DEFINITELY see where there could have been a 'disconnect', a pulling away, a "what does it matter anyway?" type feeling towards my DC. SO sad, but true.

So I understand. I realize my feelings may be more dramatic than yours, as you probably want your DS to know his dad and that is very different than my story. Just wanted to say I don't think that makes you a bad mom!

[Faith]

dupe post

[merpk]

Interesting.

Have found with mine that I'm just more relaxed with the younger ones. It's a BTDT situation with the little ones, even if they're totally different from #1 (which they are). The stress of going through it all for the first time with #1, of his life being the learning experience for both of us, does color our relationship, even if it's only a fraction of a second.

Does that make sense?

[GoodWillHunter]

Well, you know, Connor has gone over to his Dad's house every weekend since he was approx. 4 mos old. Looking back, I can't believe I felt "okay" with it. I mean, I had separation anxiety as did he, but I knew his dad is a good dad and I didn't worry about the quality of time, but now that I've got kids that are with me 24/7, I can't imagine separating from them for any length of time regularly. You live and learn, I suppose. I also think that Connor's issues are a bit more complex that the younger kids, so that may prompt me to be more frustrated with him. Right now, we're dealing with responsibility and such, so it's not always a pretty sight.