or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Ma'am, would you please put out your ciggerette?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Ma'am, would you please put out your ciggerette? - Page 3

post #41 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astoria View Post
Of course its a free country. She wasn't implying it wasn't. She was asking for courtesy and people do that all the time. There's such a thing as civility.
She asked. The other woman refused. It's not a big deal. Just because a stranger asks something of me doesn't mean I have to oblige. I don't even think it's all that rude to say that it's legal to smoke in the park. Even if the smoker said it with a snotty tone, so what? She also has the right to be rude. I find it odd that people can ask something and expect others to respond just as they want them to. I don't think the OP or the smoker did anything wrong; they just happen to disagree about the propriety of smoking in a park.
post #42 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by wednesday View Post
The deal for me is, it's flat-out rude and offensive.
What's that saying: you don't have the right not to be offended?


Quote:
There is an issue of modeling here, I do not want my son to EVER see smoking as even remotely socially appropriate.
That's your problem, not the other person's job. If you don't want your child to see smoking, leave anywhere there's a smoker and it's legal. It's not anyone else's place to model behavior for your children, and it's a bit naive to expect that no one will ever do or say anything you don't want around your children. There are lots of things that offend me more than smoking, but I use them as teaching experiences for my children rather than trying to shield them from a reality.
post #43 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post
Hmmm...i havent read all the replies so maybe this has already been addressed....but i find your comment kinda odd. I assume the smoker mom actually was watching her children play at the park, yes?
You know, I'm not sure from the info provided in the OP whether the smoker was a mom or not. I assumed she was just a woman out for a walk who chose to sit by the playground and smoke -- OP, was she there watching her kid(s)?

Quote:
And since when is the playground "the only place for children to play"? Hmmm. Dont really get that.
Try not to be to literal -- clearly I meant that, since the playground is designated for children to play but other areas of the park are more open/less likely to be around children, sitting right by the sandbox seems like an odd choice for a smoker to make.
post #44 of 88
Thread Starter 
I am not sure if she was watching her kids. She was with a man who was smoking also.
post #45 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by EVC View Post
Maybe contact your city parks commission or the equivalent? Where I live ALL playgrounds have a "no smoking" sign posted. It is illegal to smoke at playgrounds here. It SHOULD be everywhere.
: My city has an ordinance. No smoking at city parks, including a city operated lake in a rural area. There is a sigh that there is "no smoking beyond this point" as you approach the library with the city's ordinance number on it.
Maybe you could use this as a catalyst to enact change in your community.
post #46 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
I am not sure if she was watching her kids. She was with a man who was smoking also.
So because she was with another person she wasn't watching her kids? I guess I just don't understand this reasoning.
post #47 of 88
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCMoulton View Post
So because she was with another person she wasn't watching her kids? I guess I just don't understand this reasoning.
No, its not a reason. Its just additional informatuon. (Which is not at all pertinant. )
post #48 of 88
Actually, by smoking near some people's children you can kill or seriously hurt them.

It is a big deal.

You can ruin an entire day for my DH. Asthma attack that could kill him. Migraine headache.

And you are all right. One has a right to not do the right thing. I am sure that some of you actually believe that it is a survival of the fittest thing too, where you are doing us all a favour by killing off the weak people. Or that all the "weak" should stay home. How libertarian and cool.

But then again, we "the people" have a right to create laws to force your passive aggressive butts to butt out. When you won't do the right thing, expect to get yourself legislated.

When I smoked, I was not so rude. If people practiced common sense and decency, they could avoid being legislated.
post #49 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCMoulton View Post
So because she was with another person she wasn't watching her kids? I guess I just don't understand this reasoning.
I think transformed is clarifying that she doesn't know whether the woman was a mother who was at the park with her children, or just some random woman smoking at the park. Assumptions have been made on both sides, and it looks like we don't know which is correct.
post #50 of 88
You did the right thing IMO. IME smokers tend to be either completely inconsiderate or just totally oblivious to how bothersome their smoke is to others, even outside. I would have said something too and I have many times in similar situations. The OP and her kids should not have to move from where they were playing. Its this woman's habit, its affecting others, she should move to a place where it doesn't, or refrain until she is in such a place.
post #51 of 88
I probably wouldn't ask someone to put out their cigarette but I might politely ask them to move back from the equipment where my child is playing if they are smoking.
post #52 of 88
Thread Starter 
I still cant belive I asked her to do it.

That is not like me at all!

I am very non-assertive.

I am practicing.
post #53 of 88
When I was a smoker, I absolutely smoked at the playground while watching DD play. I did always move a bit of a distance away tho, and tried to be upwind . And I always picked a spot away from other kiddos or parents.

When a kiddo would come over near to where I was, as kiddos often do, I'd hold my ciggy up above my head (where the wind would hopefully carry the smoke away from them, not towards them) until I could move away somewhere and either continue smoking or put my cig out safely (and pocket the butt, of course!)

Even AS a smoker, I sometimes asked other smoking adults to move away from DD - it usually had more to do with safety (ie getting burned) than the smoke issue, tho - and they were usually happy to comply.

You had a right to ask, she had a right to refuse, but she was being rude IMO. You may want to try phrasing it differently so that she doesn't perceive judgement (not that you were being judgemental, necessarily, but she may have perceived it anyhow).
post #54 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post
Actually, by smoking near some people's children you can kill or seriously hurt them.

It is a big deal.

You can ruin an entire day for my DH. Asthma attack that could kill him. Migraine headache.
The same can be said about alot of things though. You could be highly allergic to peanuts, and run into kids at the park with their little hands covered in PB, thus exposing you/your kids. A woman drenched in perfume could cause a reaction. A park near here always has alot of bees near the picnic area for some reason, a highly allergic person could seriously be at risk. Its not just about cig. smoke. I would *hope* that if someone were smoking near you, and you asked them to put it out or move, that they would comply. I support making smoking illegal in public places. But if its not illegal, they dont *have* to comply.

Quote:
And you are all right. One has a right to not do the right thing. I am sure that some of you actually believe that it is a survival of the fittest thing too, where you are doing us all a favour by killing off the weak people. Or that all the "weak" should stay home. How libertarian and cool.
Wow. You really think some people here think that?


Katherine
post #55 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by happyhippiemama View Post
When I was a smoker, I absolutely smoked at the playground while watching DD play. I did always move a bit of a distance away tho, and tried to be upwind . And I always picked a spot away from other kiddos or parents.

When a kiddo would come over near to where I was, as kiddos often do, I'd hold my ciggy up above my head (where the wind would hopefully carry the smoke away from them, not towards them) until I could move away somewhere and either continue smoking or put my cig out safely (and pocket the butt, of course!)
My husband is a smoker, and this is his m.o.! I think consideration and compromise is the best solution to the smoking issue (the above is a good example).
post #56 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
I still cant belive I asked her to do it.

That is not like me at all!

I am very non-assertive.

I am practicing.
Hey, you are braver than me! I always chicken out about confronting strangers in situations like this. When i read about posters confronting parents spanking their kids in public...or even posters who say nice things to breastfeeding moms they see....i just can't do it. I want to do it, i lurk around the area trying to work up the nerve..but in the end never do. The most i've been able to do is smile at a slinging, nursing mom, or passive-aggressively tell my son "Poor kid over there getting spanked, poor thing!!" or something. Need to work on that!


Katherine
post #57 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post
The same can be said about alot of things though. You could be highly allergic to peanuts, and run into kids at the park with their little hands covered in PB, thus exposing you/your kids. A woman drenched in perfume could cause a reaction. A park near here always has alot of bees near the picnic area for some reason, a highly allergic person could seriously be at risk. Its not just about cig. smoke. I would *hope* that if someone were smoking near you, and you asked them to put it out or move, that they would comply. I support making smoking illegal in public places. But if its not illegal, they dont *have* to comply.

Katherine
I would hope that someone with a severe peanut allergy wouldn't be hanging out with someone eating a double-layered peanut butter sandwich.

You can't control where bees are; people who are allergic just have to be aware.

Smokers *can* control their actions, and it is seriously just common courtesy to not smoke in breathing distance of children.

I smoked 2 packs a day for 7 years and I did lots of things as a smoker that I now regret. I did them because smoking is an addiction and the nicotine messes with your brain to make you rationalize your bad behavior. I now recognize my bad behavior and see it in others. But I'm not going to say it's anything but bad behavior. Smoking next to children on a playground is bad behavior! Just because someone CAN do a thing, doesn't mean they SHOULD.

I cannot stand cigarette smoke now. Uggghhh! People always bunch up smoking right by the doors to buildings which drives me crazy; they are basically forcing anyone who wants to get in the building to walk through their cloud of nasty smoke. Yuck. I think that is rude, too. I didn't go through the misery of quitting smoking before I got pregnant so that SOMEONE ELSE could make my baby breathe in smoke. :
post #58 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
What's that saying: you don't have the right not to be offended?




That's your problem, not the other person's job. If you don't want your child to see smoking, leave anywhere there's a smoker and it's legal. It's not anyone else's place to model behavior for your children, and it's a bit naive to expect that no one will ever do or say anything you don't want around your children. There are lots of things that offend me more than smoking, but I use them as teaching experiences for my children rather than trying to shield them from a reality.
:
post #59 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
No, its not a reason. Its just additional informatuon. (Which is not at all pertinant. )

Ahh, gotcha!
post #60 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigpokey View Post
I agree that it is better not to smoke where children are playing, and yes it can be a nuisance, particularly if your child has a reaction to tiny amounts of smoke, but

I think some of you are overreacting to the relative safety and actual nuisance of outside second hand smoke.

I mean, I feel smothered when people are wearing a moderate amount of perfume inside. Should wearing perfume inside be illegal?
Yes, it should.
Research shows it's got the same toxic chemicals, actually, so it's very much the same thing, but the perfume industry is protected where the tobacco industry is regulated. Too bad that isn't illegal, huh?:


That said, the 'lady' should have moved or put it out. When I smoked, the only time I ever refused to put out a cigarette was when someone walked up to me in a designated smoking area outdoors to harass me about being a smoker. Some people just look for an altercation, I guess.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Ma'am, would you please put out your ciggerette?