The Babymoon is OVER!

[Surfacing]

Gals I feel so sad. I had a super wonderful terrific birth with dd#2. I felt great for a good week after. We had lots of help and support. Dh was feeding me, complaining a little bit but not too badly.

Then he went back to work after 1 week. My mom still watches dd#1 during the day but I have some morning and evening duties with her (read: so I can't lie and lounge with the newborn during that time ). Dh is working FT. He has been mourning his father's death. He is trying to help his mother relocate to our city. He's been sick or fighting a bug. He's tired. He finds it too much to take care of dd#1 in the evenings while I am busy with dd#2. We tag-team it but.......we're both tired. We're both feeling like we could use some more support.

Dd#2 is now almost 3 wks old. Bfing bombed. I am pumping, supplementing and bottlefeeding, occassionally trying her at the breast. I feel really depressed about that. I think I need to bump up my meds. My nerves are bad. I feel angry and frustrated and like there's not enough time or energy. My house is a mess. It's dirty. I am keeping up with laundry, dishes, meals, newborn care. I'm pretty housebound except to run out for the odd grocery item or go to the midwives. Dh comes home exhausted and down. ARGH!

I need a ray of sunshine here! I need a cleaning lady! I need a good backrub! I need a good laugh! I need some adult company! I need a smile from dh! I could use a little flirting while we're at it!

Phew! That felt better.

Actually, tonight dd#1 will sleepover at my parents' place so hopefully dh will get some more rest and feel a wee bit better. My sister, who is training to be a registered massage therapist, will come on Monday to give me a massage.

In the meantime I will try to call someone to come help clean.

Still to do: find a preschool for dd#1 for the spring. Rent a different double breast pump. Maintain sanity and sense of humour.

Anybody else feel the babymoon is over? Or have advice on how to keep it going?

[paquerette]

Not in your DDC but I wanted to comment. Hugs, mama! Do you have a tribe near you? Friends, LLL, playgroup, etc? I think one thing I wish I'd done was ask for help when I needed it, even from people I only met once or twice at LLL, etc. I know that if someone local asked me I would do what I could to help, and I think most other folks are the same. I can't hurt to ask.

[aaronsmom]

Couldn't read and not post. I know how ya feel.
:

[my kidlets and me]

I'm sorry to hear that the bfeeding isn't going well, but keep trying - a friend of mine who had a preemie taught him to bfeed at 7 months old!

Can I just say how jealous I am that you have a sister who will be a massage therapist?? A good friend gave me some massage oil as a post-baby present, and I don't have anybody to use it on me...

Lots of hugs re: the overwhelming tiredness that affects every facet of your life these first weeks...I can definitely relate, although obviously the loss of your fil is making things harder. I hope things are better for you and dh soon.

[Surfacing]

Thanks for just letting me vent and for the hugs. I know it's not easy for anyone in the first weeks. It will pass!

[riverundine]

Originally Posted by Emese'sMom

Then he went back to work after 1 week...Dh is working FT...He's been sick or fighting a bug. He's tired. He finds it too much to take care of dd#1 in the evenings while I am busy with dd#2. We tag-team it but.......we're both tired. We're both feeling like we could use some more support.

Dd#2 is now almost 3 wks old. My nerves are bad. I feel angry and frustrated and like there's not enough time or energy. My house is a mess. It's dirty. I am keeping up with laundry, dishes, meals, newborn care. I'm pretty housebound except to run out for the odd grocery item or go to the midwives. Dh comes home exhausted and down. ARGH!

I need a ray of sunshine here! I need a cleaning lady! I need a good backrub! I need a good laugh! I need some adult company! I need a smile from dh! I could use a little flirting while we're at it!

Phew! That felt better.

Still to do: find a preschool for dd#1 for the spring. Rent a different double breast pump. Maintain sanity and sense of humour.

Anybody else feel the babymoon is over? Or have advice on how to keep it going?

i have no advise on how to keep it going. i'm feelin' ya, sister - on everything i quoted above. and i sympathize with everything else i left out. but i'm definitely feelin' ya.

with dd1 my mom stayed in town for 4 weeks. this time she had to leave the day after the birth. then we all got sick (unable to get out of bed sick) for the whole first 10 days. then dh went back to work (still sick) and has been super exhausted ever since, since he runs his own restaurant and works breakfast lunch and dinner. he leaves before we wake up and gets home around 10:30 pm 3 days a week. the other 3 days he gets home around 5, but the work (bills, payroll, etc.) comes home with him. he has monday off. we totally need more support.

my nerves are toast. totally frazzled. i've had a vicegrip headache since the birth. and i have some ppd. and dh has no compassion for ppd, as he feels that since i've had about 4 bouts of depression in the 14 years we've been together that it's not ppd, it's just me. and it's really hard to keep up with everything, especially since dd1 was at home sick for the first 14 days. maintaining sanity is a serious challenge.

then the newborn got the virus we had after a week.

on monday she ended up in the hospital after rushing to the er cuz she turned grey. this actually helped my sanity as i had to keep my sh*t together for the 3 days we stayed there. but that totally sucked overall and was super scary. my poor new baby is now hooked up to oxygen until she's better.

but she's getting better.

and thankfully dd1 starts preschool next week, 2 days a week.

so no advice on how to keep the babymoon going. nope.

but i do love how sweet and wonderful and amazing and beautiful and precious and little and incredible the newborn is - and my toddler. i love their sweet little essences . and that does help.

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by riverundine

so no advice on how to keep the babymoon going. nope. but i do love how sweet and wonderful and amazing and beautiful and precious and little and incredible the newborn is - and my toddler. i love their sweet little essences . and that does help.

Amen to that!!!

Geez Riverundine, you sound just as bad as we do! Misery loves company! Seriously though, I hear you, it's bad and it sucks when you need more support but it's lacking. Your dh sounds like he works an awful lot and if it's his own business, it's easy to see why. And I can't believe all of you were sick for a good two weeks after babe was born. That SUCKS. We had a flu bug pass through here too but it was just for a few days, not weeks. Ugh. That's so scary, what happened with your newborn. I'm so glad to hear she is okay now.

I hope you tap into some sort of resources around you. I'm glad to hear your ds will be going to preschool soon a bit so you will have a bit of wiggle room. Sending healing vibes to your newborn and to your whole family.....

Have some of these

ETA - got any support for the PPD? I have had depression at various times in my life too (incl. ppd with dd#1) and it SUCKS. Have you ever taken meds?

[HypnoMama]

Originally Posted by Emese'sMom

Bfing bombed. I am pumping, supplementing and bottlefeeding, occassionally trying her at the breast.

Out of all the things that went completely different then planned, this is the one that effects me most emotionally. I totally know how you feel.

Have you met with a Lactation Consultant?

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by HypnoMama

Out of all the things that went completely different then planned, this is the one that effects me most emotionally. I totally know how you feel.

Have you met with a Lactation Consultant?

Not yet. I have been building myself up a little before getting back on the horse. I have had some success in the last couple of days getting dd back to the breast and would like more support, but have been pacing my energy, attention and balancing the other demands in my life.

It is a very emotional thing, breastfeeding, isn't it? What's your story, if you care to share?

ETA - I see your post now about your birth and breastfeeding experience. My first experience with my midwife and bfing also unexpectedly fell short of my expectations.