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September '04 mamas seein' their shadows in Feb - 6 more weeks of winter! - Page 2

post #21 of 176
Originally Posted by AugustineM View Post
\ Who knows?? At least they're not the only ones, eh?
Ashley and Becca -- they are SO not the only ones!

You know, it feels like such a relief to read this month's thread. Lulu is SUCH a MEGA challenge. Your kids sound exactly like mine.


post #22 of 176
OK, I have to spill the beans to you all because I already told another thread. I got a very faint this morning.

I seriously was so sure I wasn't pg. We DTD on my ovulation day and used withdrawl... I mean, really. Jeez!! I was looking forward to a few months of TTC... I guess that just isn't happening.

I'm excited, but nervous about having 3 kids! Anna and Thor will be 2.5 and 4.2 assuming I am actually pregnant and don't miscarry. Will that be completely insane!!??
post #23 of 176
Ashley! Woo hoo! :
post #24 of 176
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by AugustineM View Post
We DTD on my ovulation day and used withdrawl...
Ashley, did you fall asleep in sex ed the day that they told us that THIS METHOD OF BIRTH CONTROL DOESN'T WORK?!!!

Congratulations!! :

And two more for you: :: :

ps: who hit me with the DDDDC?!!
post #25 of 176
congrats ashley!
post #26 of 176
Jen Yeah, duh, I know... I guess that I was just surprised that ONE time during my fertile time would do it. And we both knew that we were being lax, but didn't care too much, obviously!

Chrissy -- how is it having 3 with the spacing you do?

Oh and jen, your DDDDC...
post #27 of 176
ashley, our spacing has been great so far. yours will be too!
post #28 of 176
Ashley!! Congrats!! So awesome. I second all of Jen's smilies!

Chrissy - re: your siggy, have you seen this video? http://www.dipdive.com/

Gotta run go pack, but wish me strength and sanity. Heading back to my folk's house. The stress of 3-4 weeks with no sleep (b/c my brother is up all night) ended up putting my dad in the hospital with BP/diabetes problems. He's out after 2 days, but we're heading down to help.
post #29 of 176
Yah Ashley!!!!!!
my mom says that once you hit three kids it's easy peezy!

I remember those baby-making days fondly. We're sorta out of the biz now, but they were happy days. On both kids, we were similarily suprised that "one isolated act" in a given month would impregnate me. Gives you an idea of our sex life, especially since we had children.

Becca, my heart goes out to you. My older sister has paranoid schizophrenia, too. It is so, so hard on my family. My mom cares for her when she visits once a year (for a month), and it nearly kills her, physically and mentally. I mean, literally. My sister is very delusional and very emotionally paranoid/aggressive. Not nice. She won't take meds.

hope your dad feels better and just a big hug to you...

post #30 of 176
Thread Starter 

a proposal

Dear sept 04 sisters,

Despite the fact that, in our day as a DDC, we were the most prolific DDC there was (1000 posts in a month was not uncommon), we are getting smaller and smaller. I would suggest... if anyone has an opinion... maybe going to a seasonal / quarterly thread?

*shrug* was just a thought!

Ashley, thanks for the DDDDC! I initially "blamed" it on another friend in the queer TTC forum but she said "aw, that's so sweet! But it wasn't me!". Anyway, pretend you're this tree : and btw: a friend of mine has just moved to Anchorage... if we ever make it up there (as Jo desperately wants to), we'll rent a car and come see you for sure! (Or maybe figure out the Alaska Marine Highway System!?)
post #31 of 176
Thread Starter 

Originally Posted by AugustineM View Post
Jen Yeah, duh, I know... I guess that I was just surprised that ONE time during my fertile time would do it.
From the girl who knows more about sperm counts than anyone really should: if one frozen sample that I'm using that has 80 million sperm that are about 15% motile can knock ME up - and this after they've been frozen and thawed - one shot of your hubby's fresh swim team can DEFINITELY get you preggo.

btw: no, I'm not pregnant yet, in case anyone is reading into that.
post #32 of 176
Originally Posted by JenInMpls View Post

From the girl who knows more about sperm counts than anyone really should: if one frozen sample that I'm using that has 80 million sperm that are about 15% motile can knock ME up - and this after they've been frozen and thawed - one shot of your hubby's fresh swim team can DEFINITELY get you preggo.

btw: no, I'm not pregnant yet, in case anyone is reading into that.
Well, right now I'm waffling between the Oct DDC and the Nov DDC. But jen if you end up in the Nov DDC I'll go there!

And yes, come visit me! Did I mention that my sister is living in Minneapolis and I might come visit her sometime this year? If I do I'll come see you for sure.

Oh, and yes, a quarterly/seasonal thread is a good idea.
post #33 of 176
becca, huge hugs to you. i hope your trip goes as well as it can. oh, i LOVE that obama video. brian showed it to me last week and i emailed it to everyone i know.
post #34 of 176
Hiya!! All who wander are not lost... but they may be on dial-up & dealing with the LONGEST winter ever! I swear, MN winters used to be a piece of cake- I guess that would be before I had two kids; one of which has a total freak out every time she has to ride in the car with her coat and carseat. I thought she'd get over it, but I guess not. I think she might be claustrophobic. I'm serious!

While winter might be long, this is definitely the slackest I've EVER been. I can't believe how much time I have on my hands! And how much of it I can fill over at TBW.

Thank goodness the cold spell has broken and I'm feeling ready to do more than dress the kids, play on the floor, make dinner, hang out at the Y and do bedtime. No, I'm not depressed, just happy 'doing the mom thing,' I guess.

Congrats Ashley! You'll love having 3. I can't wait- except for the reality of pregnancy!

I am so glad that everyone has three year olds like I do. Thank goodness. Cecilia is awful. Truely awful. Her ability to hold onto something and try to control the situation is amazing. Plus, she's incredibly jealous of Carl. This morning I finally started crying when I tried to explain to her how upsetting her behavior was to me. Poor thing, she just sat down and cried too.

However, she is smart, quick and healthy. Frankly, though, I sincerely hope our other children do not have the same sort of personality she does. I can't do this three more times.
post #35 of 176
Gee, meg, you sure sound like someone who's TTC... I didn't know you were planning on 4!

We're still mid-debate on the 2 vs 3 thing and doing nuttin' in the way of BC - but also I have no period so prolly no ovulation. Didn't get it after Robin's birth until she was totally weaned (still no AF in the months of her nursing only 1-3 times/day). So the decision may make itself for us if we aren't careful.

I'm back from my family, and appreciate the support. It's hard - and also hard that i'm not a decision maker, so the things I feel really need to happen aren't my decisions to make. Robin came with this time (Clint to) and was very confused about what was up with her uncle. he's basically non-verbal at the moment, so she would ask him questions and he wouldn't answer - not his normal behavior, and confusing to her. She thought it was funny at times, but also knows something is wrong and that's scary.

Gotta run work on dinner - but if you haven't read/heard this check it out:
post #36 of 176
Becca, that story is so fascinating. Thank you! I needed to read that right about now.

It makes me see why my childhood was so awesome. Mostly spent outside, pretending, making up stories, and running around in the woods -- running away from imaginary nannies and building imaginary boats.

I so want that for my kids!!
post #37 of 176
Thread Starter 


So this has been happening to us too frequently and this morning I just cracked and I want to know what you all would do.

Two mornings a week, T has preschool. On these mornings, when it comes time to get dressed, T insists that he's tired and crawls under the covers. Once it's determined that he's not really tired, he refuses to take his pajamas off.

I let him pick out his clothing now, since I get a howling "NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT THAAAAAT!" if I pick out his clothes. This can sometimes be used as leverage... if he doesn't pick out what he wants to wear, mama gets to pick it out. Since there's nothing I disapprove of in his wardrobe, I don't care what he picks out and we even put it on, stripes with plaids, clashing plaids, who cares.

This morning, he was whining about taking his pajamas off again, saying he didn't want to, and I told him that in order to go to his preschool, he had to, because the rules say that children are to come DRESSED in comfortable clothing for play. Not in comfortable pajamas for play. Usually rules will sway him, but not this morning. I ended up wrestling him (at this point still calmly) out of his pajama top, which I REALLY HATE, and he started to cry and scream and chase it around saying that he wanted to take it off himself. I believe that he would want to take it off himself, but he didn't do it when I gave him a chance to do it himself, and I'm trying to get it through his head that we're not always on his personal timeline and he can't always do these things himself whenever he pleases.

At any rate, he's screaming about the shirt, I put the shirt up high so he can't get at it, and I start explaining to him that he can put his t-shirt on by himself, or I can pull it over his head for him. He is thankfully not attacking me physically, but I can see it running through his mind.

He refuses to put the shirt on and is still screaming about the pajama top. I am starting to lose my patience. I have long since lost my voice because of this cold and it is impossible for me to talk over his bawling.

He needs a kleenex because his nose is running from crying. He attempts to get one out of the little plastic packet but chooses the wrong end and ends up screaming even more because he can't get a kleenex out of the packet. I try to help him and he screams 'NO! MINE!' at me and snatches them out of my hand. Oops, I forgot to mention that at first I attempted to give him a kleenex out of the packet that is nearly empty which was the WRONG ONE, MAMA, NO, I DON'T LIKE THOSE. Emphasis totally his, screamed at me in a teary voice. They are, of course, identical to the kleenex in the other packet.

More screaming on his part ensues when i try to put his shirt on. He doesn't want that shirt. Fine, we look for a different shirt, and there are no other shirts he wants, he wants the shirt he had picked out in the first place. OK, then we try to put it on, and he screams more, he wants his pajama shirt. I tell him either he can put it on himself now, or I am going to pull it over his head myself. More screaming (and keep in mind all of these screams are accompanied by bawling), running away from me, he starts to hit at me at which point I take his arms and pull him toward me to put his shirt on. The second I touch him he screams "OW!!!!", even though I am NOT hurting him, he says it because he knows it bugs us. More theater, I am getting really fed up and frustrated by this point because we've been at this BS for 15 minutes. And it should not take 15 minutes to get dressed, much less put on one g-d t-shirt.

I excuse myself to the bathroom at this point and explain that he had better put on his shirt himself if that's what he wants to do.

I lock the door and cry a little and try to compose myself. I don't like it when this happens, I feel completely at a loss for what to do and I REALLY don't like physically forcing T to do things, like pulling clothes over him against his will.

I come out and thank God, alhamdilillah, he has put his shirt on, backwards (tag in front), but who gives a rip. OK, now we have to put on bottoms. These go on fairly smoothly until he sees the jeans and has another fit because THEY'RE NOT COMFERBLE, MAMA, I DON'T LIKE THOSE JEANS THEY'RE NOT COMFERBLE I WANNA WEAR MY RED PANTS, at which point I explain to him that those pants are in the wash... more crying, more nose blowing, the jeans finally go on and they're still not comferble but I told him to leave them on anyway. About 1/2 hour after we started, he is finally dressed and we're both crying.

He seems to sense that we need to reconnect because we spent about 15 minutes on the couch cuddling, not talking at all, just holding each other. After this he got up and said he had to go to the bathroom, so he went upstairs, and when I came up in a few minutes I found that in addition to doing his job in the pot, he had peed on his jeans on the floor.

Quite possibly deliberately, but I don't really care. We put on different underwear and jeans and he went to preschool.

I've started getting him dressed a minimum of an hour before we have to go so that there is calm-down time after dressing, but I'd prefer to not fight about this at all. This also happens with leaving the house, putting on boots and coat and such, despite having ample warning that we are leaving. When I collect him to put on his boots and try to put them on him myself, he shrieks that HE wants to do it.

It is important to me that we make an attempt to be on time places, I think it is important that children see that being places on time is a form of showing respect. We're not always on time to preschool, so I don't think that I'm unreasonably rigid with this one, but we at least need to try, and I get us started early on the clothes and the boots and the coat so that we're not running late.

He can't wear pajamas to school. He is permitted to choose his own clothing. He loves school when he's there, so it's not a matter of him dragging his butt because he doesn't really want to go.

The only solution that I can see is us attempting to create the habit of getting dressed every weekday right when we get out of bed, and not even going downstairs if we're not dressed. This sounds, to me, miserable, as I like to eat my breakfast in my pjs, and I will be the first person to admit that getting dressed - especially in winter and especially when I am sick as I currently am - is not a priority to me... but perhaps I'll have to work on this aspect of myself.

I would appreciate any thoughts, experiences you've had or even mere commiseration. I need to find a solution for this because next year we're going to have to be at school by 8:15 and if we're going to try to stick to our commitment to getting there by bus or bike we're going to have to be out of the house by 7:40 if by bike, 7:30 if by bus (although I'm seeing definite advantages to the car ride... the trip by car takes a grand total of 10 minutes, 15 if you miss all the lights).

Ready to bury my head in the sand, xo j.
post #38 of 176
Jen! I have been where you are more times than I care to remember. This is what I know for sure: You will never win a battle of wills with a three year old (or a 4 y/o or 5 y/o). The only way that you can control it is to stop fighting. If you don't fight, he won't be able to fight more than just a little bit. Think of ways to eliminate his need for fighting and when that doesn't work, make sure very clear rules are set up so that it becomes about the rules rather than about you vs him. Why not let him wear his pajamas to school? Zeke wants to to, and I let him wear them all day at home. If we have to go somewhere where I want him to be more dressed, I allow him to wear his PJ tops, but regular bottoms. And I tell him I will save the bottoms and he can put them on as soon as we get back. Maybe you just need to buy sweats and shirts from Target and let him wear those to bed so that if he is really feeling the need to fight the next day, he can wear them and no one will know the difference. Sometimes I do have to tell Zeke that today is a day where I need him to get dressed, but he seems okay with that because there are so many days when he just has his jammies on.

Get a timer and set it in his room. If he is not ready by a certain time, than you are just not going to school. Don't argue with him. Explain it clearly the day before and in the morning. Have Jo join in and back you up the day before. Set the timer in the morning so that it will go off when you feel you need to reasonably leave to be on time. If he isn't ready, either on his own, or with your help, don't go. It will only happen a few times before he feels like he is missing out. But most importantly, don't battle. if he starts to fight, don't say a word. Just walk away and find something to do that can only involve you -- computer, read a mama book, go to the bathroom. When he is ready to treat you with the respect that you want your family to have, deal with him and help him. He is doing what 3 and 4 and 5 y/o's do -- trying to figure out how to control his life. His life right now is his clothes, his shoes, his toys, etc. He needs help figuring out how to do it kindly and respectfully.

It all sounds so easy, but I know it is not. I can't tell you how many times I have battled my kids only to later wonder why. It's not how I want to interact with my kids and somehow, I always end up there! I was reading an Anne Lamott book the other night and she talked about feeling like she was swimming in a sea of junk -- from her childhood, her lack of faith, her negative messages to herself. Every once in a while, she finds a float and climbs out of the junk and wonders why she swam around in it for so long. And soon enough, she is right back in it. Boy, could I relate.

Good luck, and know for sure that we are all right there with you ant any given moment!
post #39 of 176
Jen! : Great advice above!
post #40 of 176
As usual, I so love Kristen's advice. We have similar getting dressed problems - but instead of crying/getting upset, Robin runs away, jumps on the bed, won't stand still. I spend 20 minutes saying "Come here so we can put your shirt on" "stand still so I don't pull your hair" "Come to the bathroom so we can brush teeth" - as she tries to run, jump and play. I end up *screaming* or threatening consequences and basically bullying her. We're trying to 1) get her dressed in a different place, 2) make her responsible for putting her own clothes on , and 3) taking Eli out of the equation - she wants to play with him.

Another idea for you, Jen: Let him pick his clothes the night before. make a big deal of checking the paper/news/internet for the weather and tell him what he needs to wear the next day ("it's going to be wet, so we'll need jeans and galoshes" or "it's going to be very cold, we'll need two layers") then let him pick and lay out his clothes after dinner when you aren't pressed for time. Then tell him that in the morning, he's going to wear those clothes. I would ask if he wants to sleep in them, or put them on in the morning - but they will need to be on before you leave the house (if that's your expectation). Then you can try the timer/no fighting plan.

While we on the subject of advice - we're having a big eating/food issue - AGAIN. Robin has never been a big eater. She spent every second in her high chair trying to climb out - I often found her standing on the tray at 9-10 months old. So i ditched the chair and just followed her around, popping bites in her mouth. I figured she'd outgrow it. I even allowed her to eat in front of sesame street at times, just to get her to sit still and eat breakfast, at least. Every now and then she is pre-growth-spurt and actually gets hungry, but most of the time she could care less about food. So here's her pattern:

Breakfast (usually eaten in the kitchen now, standing on her step stool (I know eating standing up is a horrible plan - clint got this started, and our only eating table is in the dining room, and we don't all have time to eat breakfast in a separate room these days)) - she generally choses her food (usually oatmeal these days, with raisins and brown sugar and whatever else she puts in). She eats a few bites on her own, then we're begging and bullying the second half of the bowl. But if she doesn't eat a good breakfast, she's a grump by mid-morning

Lunch - usually we're on the run so she has a packed lunch out of the house or a finger food type lunch at home. Usually not a problem

Dinner - absolute torture. tears, whining, misery. She won't stay at the table (constantly trying to get up and play/go somewhere/get something/hug Eli). She won't take her own bites - we literally are spoon-feeding her. She says she doesn't like everything (And if I'm making something I know she won't like (spicy food, bitter veggies), I do provide her a non-spicy alternative, give only 1-2 bites of bitter veggies and fill in with more Robin-friendly options. And she ALWAYS has at least one thing she really likes on her plate). She won't chew or swallow - then her mouth is overfull and she tries to spit it out. It's miserable for everyone. I am not willing to not let her eat dinner at all (although i have thought about cutting down her afternoon snack, which she asks for daily, in hopes she'll be more hungry for dinner). I am sick of bullying, begging and bargaining over food! Last night we let her pick the meal - she picked pancakes. She and clint made them, tinted the batter pink, used a squeeze bottle to spell her name and make animals. She was served pink r-o-b-i-n pancakes with whipped cream and syrup and a friggin canned fruit cup - and acted like it was torture! Wouldn't take independent bites, wouldn't swallow her food. Pancakes and canned peaches!

All the advice when she was resisting sitting and eating as a baby was to let her be, she'll outgrow it. Well now she's 3.5, and still won't sit and eat. it's making us all hate meals. any suggestions?
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