wwyd?So this has been happening to us too frequently and this morning I just cracked and I want to know what you all would do.
Two mornings a week, T has preschool. On these mornings, when it comes time to get dressed, T insists that he's tired and crawls under the covers. Once it's determined that he's not really tired, he refuses to take his pajamas off.
I let him pick out his clothing now, since I get a howling "NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT THAAAAAT!" if I pick out his clothes. This can sometimes be used as leverage... if he doesn't pick out what he wants to wear, mama gets to pick it out. Since there's nothing I disapprove of in his wardrobe, I don't care what he picks out and we even put it on, stripes with plaids, clashing plaids, who cares.
This morning, he was whining about taking his pajamas off again, saying he didn't want to, and I told him that in order to go to his preschool, he had to, because the rules say that children are to come DRESSED in comfortable clothing for play. Not in comfortable pajamas for play. Usually rules will sway him, but not this morning. I ended up wrestling him (at this point still calmly) out of his pajama top, which I REALLY HATE, and he started to cry and scream and chase it around saying that he wanted to take it off himself. I believe that he would want to take it off himself, but he didn't do it when I gave him a chance to do it himself, and I'm trying to get it through his head that we're not always on his personal timeline and he can't always do these things himself whenever he pleases.
At any rate, he's screaming about the shirt, I put the shirt up high so he can't get at it, and I start explaining to him that he can put his t-shirt on by himself, or I can pull it over his head for him. He is thankfully not attacking me physically, but I can see it running through his mind.
He refuses to put the shirt on and is still screaming about the pajama top. I am starting to lose my patience. I have long since lost my voice because of this cold and it is impossible for me to talk over his bawling.
He needs a kleenex because his nose is running from crying. He attempts to get one out of the little plastic packet but chooses the wrong end and ends up screaming even more because he can't get a kleenex out of the packet. I try to help him and he screams 'NO! MINE!' at me and snatches them out of my hand. Oops, I forgot to mention that at first I attempted to give him a kleenex out of the packet that is nearly empty which was the WRONG ONE, MAMA, NO, I DON'T LIKE THOSE. Emphasis totally his, screamed at me in a teary voice. They are, of course, identical to the kleenex in the other packet.
More screaming on his part ensues when i try to put his shirt on. He doesn't want that shirt. Fine, we look for a different shirt, and there are no other shirts he wants, he wants the shirt he had picked out in the first place. OK, then we try to put it on, and he screams more, he wants his pajama shirt. I tell him either he can put it on himself now, or I am going to pull it over his head myself. More screaming (and keep in mind all of these screams are accompanied by bawling), running away from me, he starts to hit at me at which point I take his arms and pull him toward me to put his shirt on. The second I touch him he screams "OW!!!!", even though I am NOT hurting him, he says it because he knows it bugs us. More theater, I am getting really fed up and frustrated by this point because we've been at this BS for 15 minutes. And it should not take 15 minutes to get dressed, much less put on one g-d t-shirt.
I excuse myself to the bathroom at this point and explain that he had better put on his shirt himself if that's what he wants to do.
I lock the door and cry a little and try to compose myself. I don't like it when this happens, I feel completely at a loss for what to do and I REALLY don't like physically forcing T to do things, like pulling clothes over him against his will.
I come out and thank God, alhamdilillah, he has put his shirt on, backwards (tag in front), but who gives a rip. OK, now we have to put on bottoms. These go on fairly smoothly until he sees the jeans and has another fit because THEY'RE NOT COMFERBLE, MAMA, I DON'T LIKE THOSE JEANS THEY'RE NOT COMFERBLE I WANNA WEAR MY RED PANTS, at which point I explain to him that those pants are in the wash... more crying, more nose blowing, the jeans finally go on and they're still not comferble but I told him to leave them on anyway. About 1/2 hour after we started, he is finally dressed and we're both crying.
He seems to sense that we need to reconnect because we spent about 15 minutes on the couch cuddling, not talking at all, just holding each other. After this he got up and said he had to go to the bathroom, so he went upstairs, and when I came up in a few minutes I found that in addition to doing his job in the pot, he had peed on his jeans on the floor.
Quite possibly deliberately, but I don't really care. We put on different underwear and jeans and he went to preschool.
I've started getting him dressed a minimum of an hour before we have to go so that there is calm-down time after dressing, but I'd prefer to not fight about this at all. This also happens with leaving the house, putting on boots and coat and such, despite having ample warning that we are leaving. When I collect him to put on his boots and try to put them on him myself, he shrieks that HE wants to do it.
It is important to me that we make an attempt to be on time places, I think it is important that children see that being places on time is a form of showing respect. We're not always on time to preschool, so I don't think that I'm unreasonably rigid with this one, but we at least need to try, and I get us started early on the clothes and the boots and the coat so that we're not running late.
He can't wear pajamas to school. He is permitted to choose his own clothing. He loves school when he's there, so it's not a matter of him dragging his butt because he doesn't really want to go.
The only solution that I can see is us attempting to create the habit of getting dressed every weekday right when we get out of bed, and not even going downstairs if we're not dressed. This sounds, to me, miserable, as I like to eat my breakfast in my pjs, and I will be the first person to admit that getting dressed - especially in winter and especially when I am sick as I currently am - is not a priority to me... but perhaps I'll have to work on this aspect of myself.
I would appreciate any thoughts, experiences you've had or even mere commiseration. I need to find a solution for this because next year we're going to have to be at school by 8:15 and if we're going to try to stick to our commitment to getting there by bus or bike we're going to have to be out of the house by 7:40 if by bike, 7:30 if by bus (although I'm seeing definite advantages to the car ride... the trip by car takes a grand total of 10 minutes, 15 if you miss all the lights).
Ready to bury my head in the sand, xo j.