September '04 mamas seein' their shadows in Feb - 6 more weeks of winter! - Page 3

[AugustineM]

Kristen, you have awesome advice. It reminds me of when I was student teaching in a crazy high school and my awesome cooperating teacher always said, "Take away the wall, and they don't have anything to push against." She always, always avoided the fight. Because so often it seems to be about that fight. It's attention, it's control. If you let them have the control, in some way, it is always better.

Thor does not like me to get him dressed, usually. He can do it all himself now. He doesn't seem to care if I pick out his clothes, so what I usually do is grab all his clothes and put them in the living room and say, "When you're ready, you can show me how you get dressed." I just leave them there. I go about getting myself and Anna dressed, and when we are all dressed, usually he still isn't. So I remind him: we're going soon. When you're ready, you get dressed. Often it's right before we're headed out the door that he's like, "WAIT! I'm READY!" and he gets dressed. Lots of praise. Given, Thor is easier on this one than most I think. Also, I agree with Kristen, I often let Thor wear his pajamas somewhere... but sometimes just the pajama tops, which look like normal shirts. Or, he'll wear the bottoms as long underwear and we put other pants OVER them. He likes that.

Becca, regarding the food, we have similar issues here. I really have to breathe deep at dinnertime and remind myself not to get too upset about it. It's hard when your kid eats hardly nothing. I, too, am guilty of bribing and pestering to get Thor to eat dinner. One thing that has helped a bit is to, as Kristen and my cooperating teacher say, back off and not fight it. One time at dinner Tony and I decided to just set down his food in front of him and NOT SAY ANOTHER WORD to him about eating it. We all ate our food and he played, messed around, etc. But then, after we were all done eating, sure enough, he went over to his food and ate most of it.

The other thing is that Thor is a snacker. He snacks all day long on fairly healthy things. He does not like to eat a bunch at one sitting. He loves pears, cheese, frozen green peas, bread, oatmeal, cream of wheat, noodles, tiger's milk bars, crackers, etc. So I often just make sure I have a lot of snacks wherever we go, and he's eating and drinking all day. So if he doesn't eat at dinnertime, well, oh well. No biggie.

Also, I'm betting they won't be doing this when they're teeangers, but who knows??

[midwestmeg]

Yes- I have a suggestion for all of us: put the three year olds in one room and us in another with a cocktail!!

Wow, Becca, the food issue sounds tough. It's one neurosis Cecilia actually doesn't have! I almost think you have to just get through it and assume that things will be different in 6 months or so. Eating (or not) has to be a person's own responsibility.... but I would be pretty ith the situation too.

However, she does do the wander off thing when we're trying to get ready. It takes for freakin' ever. The true honest truth about why we don't do preschool is because getting Cecilia out of the house and across town by 9:30 am twice a week would be no fun for me. I'm just not going to fight it. We do stories once a week and have added swim lessons once a week.

I have learned that both she and Carl do much better in the afternoon. Mornings with her can be pretty iffy until about 11:30 am. She does do better if we do the *exact* same thing every morning. I usually read to her downstairs and the deal is that I'll read after she is dressed, face washed and teeth brushed. Sometimes she eats first, sometimes after.

Jen, Cecilia does to the clothes thing, but not quite like T; that sounds like a doozy. I refuse to give up total control and let her go to town looking like a street urchin dressed inappropriately for the weather- my mom says 'let her wear whatever' but I can't cope. So, we start with- do you want to help pick out clothes or should I pick them? Often she says I can pick and then I just throw something down the stairs to her. If she can't see the other stuff she's not so distracted. I try to work with her and in the end if we can't agree on something, we don't go. All of her clothes are also all brown and pink. I know what we battle over is control. So does she.

I guess I'd try to determine if preschool was worth the stress of getting there. I think next year Cecilia might be able to do it, but I'm not married to the idea.

Also, Becca, I did mean to say that I am sorry to hear about your brother. Mental illness is so hard, and as a society we just suck at dealing with it, yet it affects almost all of us in some way or another. I know its such a stress for families. One of Greg's brothers is very manic and borderline personality disorder. Weeehaw; what a ride he is.

Okay, I've got to go do the stove and go to bed. I can't tell you what a relief it is to hear that all of your three year olds are quirky and hard to deal with also.

[chrissy]

Originally Posted by midwestmeg

Yes- I have a suggestion for all of us: put the three year olds in one room and us in another with a cocktail!!

can i put my 6yo in the kid room too? he is the one making me crazy.

becca, food can be such a control thing with kids, i think. i think i would just completely not force it. offer healthy snacks and foods that you know she likes and then just breathe deeply and let her choose. barring a physical/health issue, she won't starve herself. i know you've probably heard that before, but i really believe it's true. food issues can last a lifetime.

ugh. my rugrats need me. sorry to be so bossy and run!

[Yo Becca]

Robin, never one to let others pass her by, is trying to set records for most times getting stitches under 5. She once again had to go to the ER to have her head stitched up today. This time just 3 and on her forehead - she fell off a stepstool at my school while i was in a staff meeting (the kids of us in the meetings play in the room outside where we meet, and she had tried to get water from the water fountain). We'd had a doozy of a morning getting dressed for school, too. Then 4 hours in the ER...

I need that cocktail *right now*!

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Becca! I don't know what else to say!

[JenInMpls]

Originally Posted by midwestmeg

Yes- I have a suggestion for all of us: put the three year olds in one room and us in another with a cocktail!!

Meg, I think this is the best suggestion i've heard in a long time.

Becca: I agree with everyone else who says that Robin won't starve herself. Maybe she's a grazer. Or maybe you can start small and require that she sit down for 5 minutes at dinner? I guess just make the few things she eats during the day high-quality and high-calorie, if she'll eat them, like apples with nut butter, avocados, breads with butter and raw honey, etc...

So here's our progress on the clothing front: I have narrowed down his choices to a field of 3 pants, 3 shirts, 3 underwear and the sock basket. Otherwise we stand and stare at his wardrobe for 15 minutes and he gets whiny. Yesterday he picked a turquoise shirt with red stripes (only Hanna Andersson would put those colors together), a pair of orange plaid flannel pants and a pair of dark and light blue striped socks. OH my gawd. but he was comfy and there was no fighting, so who cares?

We have been doing a bit of role-playing to get dressed, getting all excited to put on our firefighter clothes so we can run out to the fire truck (=car) and drive to the fire. This works very well, so I've been milking it for all it's worth.

The tactic of "If you don't get dressed, you can't go to school" doesn't work with T. He is such a budding phlegmatic temperament (apple didn't fall far from the tree) that he is content to do what he is doing and is not very motivated to change activities. On Thursday morning he was playing with his trains, and he had picked out his clothing the night before and I had them downstairs, laid out, waiting for him. And I did a bit of a countdown, saying that if we want to go to school today, we have to leave in <x> minutes to be on time, and he needed to be dressed, and I could help him, or he could do it himself. And then I ignored him, and he didn't give a rat's a**. He just kept playing trains.

I realized then that this method wouldn't work for us. It isn't up to him where we go, it's my decision. I'm the mom. He's not kicking and screaming because he doesn't want to go to school; he's just comfortable and he doesn't want to change activities. He likes school, but he likes his trains and his toys and home, too. The thing is that I want us to get out, and my wants are as important as his wants. Preschool is worth it because he's meeting other children and he's getting some playtime somewhere else. He's learning what it's like to have a teacher and how to deal with children without his mama there. These are important things to me, and he only goes 2 mornings a week, and he does love it.

btw, confidential to Chrissy: sistermama lives! We talked for 2 hours on the phone on Saturday night

One of the google ads on the side is "Disney Family.com has advice for making kids' potty training easy". I wonder... but at the same time, I don't even want to know :

Becca, I'll get my neighbor up the street to make you a mojito, he makes wicked good mojitos.

Be well all...

[Yo Becca]

We are making progress on the food front. I'm using a variety of tips. She gets to chose her breakfast (cereal, eggs or oatmeal). Any snacks during the day are now less "treats" (Like fruit leather or organic granola bars) and more "meal food" like veggies, cheese, protein, etc. Then for meals, I make her plate (at least 1 thing she'll love, no more than 1 thing that's a challenge) and there are 2 rules: we all stay at the table together and she has to try at least one bite of everything. And no "treats" or dessert if she doesn't eat her food - not for punishement, but just so she doesn't fill up on garbage instead of good things. She doesn't generally ask for dessert or treats, but she and clint make milkshakes together a lot (with fruit and yogurt, but also with sprinkles and candy - she gets about 1/4-1/2 cup serving, he gets the rest) - it's usually his idea .

We don't linger over meals long - clint and I are fast eaters, but it means we're not nagging her about eating. instead, we as a family are sitting at the table together, and she can eat what she will.

I know she'll get enough calories to make it. she just goes through cycles - she'll be hungry/need food for a while, then she hits a growth spurt, then she's over food and not interested at all. But in that growth spurt eating phase, if she doesn't get enough calories and her blood sugar gets low, she is such. a. trial. Not a p;easure to be with. And she'll act like she's done eating, but then 30 minutes later is begging for a snack like I'm starving her. So we get focused on her eating her meals, and it's hard to recognize when it's no longer needed.

I had to leave work early today to get her from school - she was sad and crying and they were worried it was from her head. She barely ate breakfast (a few bites of cereal). I put her in the car, she ate her lunch...and then she was singing and having fun, making jokes, no pain. Maybe the drama was b/c she's remembering her bad yesterday and wanted mama and mama made it better...or maybe she just needed to eat lunch. Who knows.

Jen - I think the role playing is a good idea, and a good way to make it fun. Is Tristan a sucker for a routine? Robin is very much into routines. So maybe if you do the get ready thing everyday, even if you don't have anywhere to go (without a timeline, not intending to stress either of you out more) that might make it smoother on the days when you have to get out the door.

[jilly]

Whew! I just read this entire thread in one go! We are dealing with all the same craziness here, only Aaron also learned to climb this month and has been teething all. month. long. Finally I can see the points of the teeth coming through after a full month or more of night waking, crankiness, clinginess and soft food. So between pulling Aaron off the table a hundred times a day and attempting to get Andrew dressed / eating / playing and trying to keep Youth Group running and our household operating somewhat smoothly and trying to swim twice a week to stave off the Winter Blues (one month left! only one month left!) I haven't really had time to post. Oh, and getting slightly obsessed with crafting blogs (I have such a short attention span).

The other reason I've been away is because I spent most of Feb re-ordering my life (cheesy sounding, I know, but true). Dh told me in mid-Jan. that I was yelling way too much and he thought it was having a really negative impact on our family. So I started going to bed earlier, excercising, trying to keep up with the housework so I wasn't so frustrated about the mess, and being really consistent with boundaries and time-out and routines with Andrew. The results were, of course, that he spent two weeks seeing what it would take to get me to yell, and it was a really terrible, obnoxious two weeks. He was so awful that Aaron was afraid to be out of my arms because he would be hit or knocked over or have anything he tried to play with taken away, and I had to remove Andrew from playgroup and make him stay home the next week while I went with Aaron (thank goodness dh has a flexible schedule). So that has all taken quite a lot of my time and energy. So while things are still crazy, they have now regained a new, better equilibrium. Far from perfect, but better.

So, Ashley, congrats on baby #3, hope all goes well!

Clothes: Andrew is always a trial to get dressed, as well. His issue is that he refuses to dress himself. He will lie on the floor and roll around if I ask him to put on his boots (which he has been doing for over a year) or hat himself, and will rarely ever come when asked to get dressed. The other day I had to take him grocery shopping, and he refused to put on a shirt, or his boots, or his mitts, so I took him out to the (already warmed up) car in -30 in pants, socks and a jacket with his pj shirt underneath. I genuinely don't know if he won't dress himself or he can't -- his co-ordination with tasks requiring two arms or two limbs moving in opposition (as in pulling on a boot in one direction while pulling your leg out in the other direction) don't seem to be very good. I and my brother have learning disabilities, and I still have trouble learning new physical tasks, so that may be part of the issue right there. But his stubbornness / distractability are also a big part of it. So usually I leave him till last, then bring his clothes to where he is (he's not really into picking his own clothes right now) and asking him to dress, then dressing him if he won't comply.

Food: Andrew has generally been pretty good with food, fortunately. But I do find he's not aware of his hunger signals still, so I feed him something reasonable every few hours.

Anyone else having seperation anxiety crop up again? Andrew will not go to the bathroom, or get dressed or play unless I am RIGHT THERE. You can imagine that this is fun when I am trying to nurse Aaron to sleep and Andrew insists on being right on the other side of me talking and reading a book (which Aaron starts kicking, then Andrew starts screaming, then there goes nap time again). Also they are constantly fighting for my attention. If Aaron is nusring, Andrew insists I read to him. If I'm reading to Andrew, Aaron insists I either nurse him or read a different book to him.

Well, I should go clear our lunch dishes off the table before Aaron climbs up and knocks them off / smears their contents all over the table or on my lap top. Nice to "hear" what's up with you all. Talk to you hopefully sooner rather than later.

Jilly

[jilly]

Whew! I just read this entire thread in one go! We are dealing with all the same craziness here, only Aaron also learned to climb this month and has been teething all. month. long. Finally I can see the points of the teeth coming through after a full month or more of night waking, crankiness, clinginess and soft food. So between pulling Aaron off the table a hundred times a day and attempting to get Andrew dressed / eating / playing and trying to keep Youth Group running and our household operating somewhat smoothly and trying to swim twice a week to stave off the Winter Blues (one month left! only one month left!) I haven't really had time to post. Oh, and getting slightly obsessed with crafting blogs (I have such a short attention span).

The other reason I've been away is because I spent most of Feb re-ordering my life (cheesy sounding, I know, but true). Dh told me in mid-Jan. that I was yelling way too much and he thought it was having a really negative impact on our family. So I started going to bed earlier, excercising, trying to keep up with the housework so I wasn't so frustrated about the mess, and being really consistent with boundaries and time-out and routines with Andrew. The results were, of course, that he spent two weeks seeing what it would take to get me to yell, and it was a really terrible, obnoxious two weeks. He was so awful that Aaron was afraid to be out of my arms because he would be hit or knocked over or have anything he tried to play with taken away, and I had to remove Andrew from playgroup and make him stay home the next week while I went with Aaron (thank goodness dh has a flexible schedule). So that has all taken quite a lot of my time and energy. So while things are still crazy, they have now regained a new, better equilibrium. Far from perfect, but better.

So, Ashley, congrats on baby #3, hope all goes well!

Clothes: Andrew is always a trial to get dressed, as well. His issue is that he refuses to dress himself. He will lie on the floor and roll around if I ask him to put on his boots (which he has been doing for over a year) or hat himself, and will rarely ever come when asked to get dressed. The other day I had to take him grocery shopping, and he refused to put on a shirt, or his boots, or his mitts, so I took him out to the (already warmed up) car in -30 in pants, socks and a jacket with his pj shirt underneath. I genuinely don't know if he won't dress himself or he can't -- his co-ordination with tasks requiring two arms or two limbs moving in opposition (as in pulling on a boot in one direction while pulling your leg out in the other direction) don't seem to be very good. I and my brother have learning disabilities, and I still have trouble learning new physical tasks, so that may be part of the issue right there. But his stubbornness / distractability are also a big part of it. So usually I leave him till last, then bring his clothes to where he is (he's not really into picking his own clothes right now) and asking him to dress, then dressing him if he won't comply.

Food: Andrew has generally been pretty good with food, fortunately. But I do find he's not aware of his hunger signals still, so I feed him something reasonable every few hours.

Anyone else having seperation anxiety crop up again? Andrew will not go to the bathroom, or get dressed or play unless I am RIGHT THERE. You can imagine that this is fun when I am trying to nurse Aaron to sleep and Andrew insists on being right on the other side of me talking and reading a book (which Aaron starts kicking, then Andrew starts screaming, then there goes nap time again). Also they are constantly fighting for my attention. If Aaron is nusring, Andrew insists I read to him. If I'm reading to Andrew, Aaron insists I either nurse him or read a different book to him.

Well, I should go clear our lunch dishes off the table before Aaron climbs up and knocks them off / smears their contents all over the table or on my lap top. Nice to "hear" what's up with you all. Talk to you hopefully sooner rather than later.

Jilly

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Hi, Jill! I've not noticed any separation anxiety with E, although one day she started to cry when I told her I was going to the chiropractor. Usually she can't wait to get rid of me because it's *Grawnee and Me Time.*

[Subhuti]

Oh my gosh, Lulu and we are having the tribulations of Job here... she's escalated the testing... stamping her feet and screaming over everything!!

I am almost always on edge with her because I don't know what the explosion will be.

Generally, the hold and rock and discuss it format is best, but when I am home alone with both the girls, it is not always possible. Gingy ends up screaming and trying to be picked up too, which makes Lulu worse. And they end up unintentionally hurting each other!

So I put Lulu into her room to calm down. She doesn't like it, but it is a life saver for the whole family and she ends up "resetting".

Other than that, I've been reiterating my two fold mantra to her: "mom is in charge" and "we love you no matter what." It's kinda the combo she needs to hear these days. I swear she's like a beta-dog or cat trying to assert dominance!

Love

Liz

[banana girl]

catching up

Boy am I out of the loop these days!! I think it a great idea to make a more seasonal thread rather than monthly.. seeing as how I just read all of Feb a week into march!!!

Life has been crazy lately and strangely enough it hasn't been the kids so much as the job and other outside stuff that's got me stressed. Been sick with a wracking cough for about 3 months... yeah, 3 months! Work has been difficult in surprising ways lately and I'm really questioning if it is worth the stress. i don't actually turn much profit when you consider child care cost, so if it's gonna make me feel unhappy and unappreciated, well...

Last friday my mom went to the ER and was admitted to the hospital with chest pains... all test results were reasurring and they have sent her home, but I am left carrying the image of her in a hospital bed, with tubes in her nose looking all puny. Totally breaks my heart. I'm glad she's allright but concerned that they didn't find out what is wrong. She is my child care provider and I'm worried about her being alone with the kids.

I miss all of you and hope to stay better connected

[AugustineM]

Hi Anna!! Scary about your mom... that would freak me out if it happened to my mom too. Hopefully it was a freak isolated incident.

I'm also sick. AND having some morning sickness, which I never had with either Thor or Anna. So that's really not fun. Both kids were really sick for almost a week, and I swear, I started wondering if it was the supidest thing EVER having another baby. I really started worrying. But then I started realizing that it's nearly 9 months until the baby is here, and really that's a long time in kid time. Sigh. All will be well, I suppose...

OK, well I want to say more but have to go make breakfast!!

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Anna: I know what you mean. Last year my Mom had a lung cancer scare (She had shooting pains in her back in the lung area, x-rays revealed several spots, and it turned out to be bone spurs on her spine that were poking her lungs -- a much better diagnosis). The thought of our Mothers being so vulnerable is a real shock to the system. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and your Mom!

[banana girl]

Thank you all for the loving thoughts for my mom, you guys rock!

I keep trying to find time to tell you all the saga of being reprimanded for breastfeeding my son at the open house for the chiropractic office I work at... it's such a stupid crazy story, but i can't get into it now, seeing as how i'm at work. however, i thought if I dropped that teaser you guys would bug me for more details and i'd remember to tell all....


Hope everyone is well and enjoying the changing season... Spring IS coming!!!

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Details, Anna, details!

I went to an independent medical examiner (a chiropractor) on Tuesday to be examined for my car accident in October 2006. He examined me and did not even bat an eye that I'm still nursing Elizabeth. He did say that he would recommend physical therapy, traction, x-rays/MRI, and when DD weans, steroid shots (not interested!). I keep having this vision of his report going to State Farm, they read *steroid shots after weaning,* and they decide to force me to wean or they will stop paying for my medical because three and a half is too old for nursing. I know it's not likely, but can you imagine *Samantha vs. State Farm*???

[JenInMpls]

Originally Posted by banana girl

I keep trying to find time to tell you all the saga of being reprimanded for breastfeeding my son at the open house for the chiropractic office I work at...

WHAT?!! At a chiropractor's office? Who reprimanded you? And did you give them a good ol'-fashioned Anna earful?

No wonder you want to quit!

Can't wait to hear the whole story. Perhaps we will pack into the car one of these days and come visit the muddy farm.

[Yo Becca]

Anna - sounds like quite an event....do tell! I'm sorry your mom had such a scary event. How is she doing now?

Ashley - hope the m/s gets better soon

I'm semi brain dead at the moment. But in the "bad news comes in threes" vein, Clint got laid off from work yesterday. let the job search begin. No fun.

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Becca, to you and Clint!

[AugustineM]

Ugh, hugs to you Becca -- I hope he finds another job soon.

Anna -- wtf? How crazy that you would get reprimanded for breastfeeding at a chiropracter's office. I just picture my chiro who is so supportive of it and I've seen women bf their 4 year olds in there. Crazy!

Gosh, Samantha are you OK -- or is he just recommending that stuff to double check everything? Are you in pain a lot?