heartbroken

[SleepyMamaBear]

my younger cousin who just turned 19 had a baby with his gf yesterday.
i was supposed to go visit them lastnight at the hospital, but coulnt, and again this afternoon, but couldnt, when i just talked to him on the phone to see what he wanted me to bring them for dinner. he said he had to get off the phone to discuss circing with the drt.
i stopped him and asked him if he knew how they did it, what they did, etc, and gave him all the gorey details. his answer was "but when i asked my uncut friends they all said they wished they were as kids"
........
so he is going to cause his child permanant and painful disfigurment because his lil buddies wish they were cut....
i said "you know they can still get it done now that they are old enough to make their own choices for their body..." his answer "yeah, bu that shit urts, why would they?"

his mind is made up, and by the time i get there to give them dinner the poor two day old baby will have had the most sensitive part of his body ripped off, then removed.
because his father is a moron!!!!
i am so sick and heartbroken by this.
damn teenagers.: :

[tammyswanson]

It's not just an age thing, even so-called 'professionals' let them do it because their DH wants it that way.... Poor baby! What a rock head that dad is. At least you tried, that poor little baby! You should have asked him if he had a girl would he have her mutilated as well.... FGM, MGM, the only difference is the sex of the baby, it's all wrong....

[Organicavocado]

Originally Posted by AddysMama

i said "you know they can still get it done now that they are old enough to make their own choices for their body..." his answer "yeah, bu that shit urts, why would they?"

Dont give up! Keep trying! Get that boy more info.
Ask him if he thinks it would hurt worse NOW without adequate anesthesia or LATER with anesthesia and painkillers? NOW when baby can easily get fecal matter in the wound, and not be able to tell them when he is uncomfortable.... or LATER when he's old enough to care for the wound himself and take a painkiller when he knows he needs it? Tell him his friends are not his son. His son might grow to resent him for it, as my husband has. Keep trying. It's not over yet.

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by Organicavocado

Dont give up! Keep trying! Get that boy more info.
Ask him if he thinks it would hurt worse NOW without adequate anesthesia or LATER with anesthesia and painkillers? NOW when baby can easily get fecal matter in the wound, and not be able to tell them when he is uncomfortable.... or LATER when he's old enough to care for the wound himself and take a painkiller when he knows he needs it? Tell him his friends are not his son. His son might grow to resent him for it, as my husband has. Keep trying. It's not over yet.

:

Please call him back. Its not too late! Ask him, "How is it cleaner to have feces and urine up against an open wound?"

[Nathan1097]

This sort of thing is why I think ALL parents of intact kids - even girls- should educate them about the functions of the foreskin and the damage of circ. Age-appropriate, of course, and letting them know that about half their male friends are likely to be circ'd and it doesn't make them any less of a good person! I have already done this with my 10-year-old (b) and 8-year-old (g). My 6-year-old - I'm not sure if he realizes there are different "types"- his dad is circ'd, and all cousins are intact- but I don't think he's noticed a difference other than size.

[SleepyMamaBear]

i went to the hospital last night to see them, we talked about nursing, and really ofcused on me helping her with that.
and i mentioned the circing, and how if it was a girl they wouldnt be doing the same, and W my cousin, said "but its not a girl, its a boy, and its my boy, and i'll do what i want with his penis, now shut up about it"
she didnt want to hear it either.
tho i think she might be a bit more opposed to causing him severe pain than W is. but its still happening.
they didnt cut him yesterday, as i thought they would. but its going to happen soon.

[kldliam]

you tried, and really, that's what matters the most.

Some people don't even have guts enough to say half of what you said, you did a great job.

REMEMBER you wont save them all- but it's still worth it to save a few.

[SleepyMamaBear]

thanks. i still greive for the baby.

[Arduinna]

I'll do what I want with his penis.

OMG I don't even know what to say.




I'm speechless

[Fi.]

Hope you told her all that work on nursing would probably go at least partway down the tubes after the surgery.

[SleepyMamaBear]

i dont think that even matters to her. she JUST turned 16, and not to make it an age thing, she IS young, and stupid, and its more like babysitting to her still i think. she got pregnant thinking it would help their relationship, and it would give her somone to love her forever and ever, and the realization that its not all cupcakes and roses i think finally hit her.
she is just a stupid kid that doesnt actually CARE, because her family didnt care, and THEIR family didnt care, etc. great big cycle of uncaring.
W my cousin on the other hand, had SHITTY parents, but my grandparents and even MY parents have always been there for him and his sister. ALWAYS. and they werent raised to not care.
but alas, americas youth......

[tammyswanson]

Originally Posted by AddysMama

i dont think that even matters to her. she JUST turned 16, and not to make it an age thing, she IS young, and stupid, and its more like babysitting to her still i think. she got pregnant thinking it would help their relationship, and it would give her somone to love her forever and ever, and the realization that its not all cupcakes and roses i think finally hit her.
she is just a stupid kid that doesnt actually CARE, because her family didnt care, and THEIR family didnt care, etc. great big cycle of uncaring.
W my cousin on the other hand, had SHITTY parents, but my grandparents and even MY parents have always been there for him and his sister. ALWAYS. and they werent raised to not care.
but alas, americas youth......

Uh Oh. That poor baby! That stupid *UA Violation* dad. It's "HIS" penis??? So he has TWO now??? I'd probably have been arrested by what I would have done to that guy..what a (insert nasty word here)! I feel so bad for that little baby....

[aprilv]

my little sis is 16 too. our other sis just had a baby (a girl) and before she did, i gave her a big talk on circ (we weren't sure of the gender beforehand). my little sis was listening too. a few weeks later we were talking about stupid parenting things, it came up again and ls said, "just so you know, i am NEVER doing that if i ever have a son. i didn't really know what it was but now that you told me, that is horrible and there's no way i'm doing it".

so not all 16 year olds are unreachable. of course my sis is super awesome in all ways, but still...

[newmama8824]

Originally Posted by AddysMama

damn teenagers.: :

I am very sorry, that is unfortunate for the child.

BUT do not assume all teenagers are uninformed.

I am 19 & I have an intact son.

[SleepyMamaBear]

its not an age thing, but a maturity thing. most teenage boys at 19 and girls at 16 arent mature enough to care.
note i said most not all

[Frankly Speaking]

This illustrates why it is important for children to understand what circumcision is and why it should not be done. We have such a short time to reach them and their friends, parents and family are subtly indoctrinating them with their viewpoints.

I don't think their is an age that is too early, you just have to approach it in an age appropriate manner. Certainly by puberty they are ready for the message. They may need it within just a year or two.

.

[MommytoB]

i would have said if you think it hurts at your friends age why would it not hurt for your son?

I bet his friends who are intact don't know specifics on circ otherwise there wouldn't be intact fathers getting their son's circumcised -for lack of self-esteem. My son's father who's intact -he still doesn't get why I make such a big deal of circ nor do any other family members they say not your kid why are you fussing about it.

[Arduinna]

Eh the my friends that are intact wish they were circ'd argument IMO is generally lies.

[Organicavocado]

-sigh-
Bummer. I was hoping they would grow some sense.

[pdx.mothernurture]

I've always thought in cases like these, especially with younger parents who may not have had the internet exposure that older parents have, showing them a video on a laptop---even at the hospital, after the birth---of a circumcision video or Penn & Teller might be super duper helpful. The article, Separated at Birth is also useful because it's so graphic.

Jen