timely help needed: quick responses?

[SereneBabe]

We're encountering our first, "WHAT?!?!?!?" responses to telling folks we're homeschooling. We've opted to wait until people ask. We've also opted to tell them we're delaying public school (that is our plan at this point). However, I'm hoping to have some quick answers in my pocket that will end the discussions. I don't want to debate it (with my in-laws). I've got bunches for breastfeeding. But none, yet, for homeschooling.

Today, I used, "We're going to continue learning at home for a while." And, when she practically yelled, "But she's got to learn about real life and school's the only way to do that." I said, "It's true that some people think that way."

My husband got into it a bit more, I think too much, coming off as defensive. Understandable. Glad about the decision, wanting to share the why (we want to encourage Maya's independent learning, at school, she'd just follow orders so to speak).

Anyway, would you all share with us some nice quick answers to criticisms/comments that help make it clear you don't want to get into it?

I ended the conversation by saying, in a kind of rude way I'm afraid, "This is a decision we know is right for our family."

I told my husband I thought we ought to only respond if they bring it up again. We'll help each other deal with the fact that they are almost 100% likely to be judging us harshly among themselves. Let them. It's hard for us who want them to be happy with us, but, we'll deal.

Thanks for your help!

--Heather

[LilyGrace]

I look at it this way - if I invite the opinion that's one thing, if I don't, well, I'm not really obligated to listen to it....especially if it's a negative one based on "well, I heard about a boy who........" instead of experience and comes off as judging me.

So, that said, I think you should read about the bean dip method. It'll make life a lot easier (and make people wonder why you're secretly smiling!).

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by LilyGrace

So, that said, I think you should read about the bean dip method. It'll make life a lot easier (and make people wonder why you're secretly smiling!).

I love the bean-dip method! I wish I'd moved straight to that, rather than wasting all the time I did discussing it with my dear mom.

After all the hours of discussion, it's like we're still at square one because it's as if my whole "presentation" went in one ear and out the other. It didn't persuade her one bit, and was really the equivalent of the Biblical "casting pearls before swine" -- not that my mom's a pig ... she's human, but she truly didn't appreciate all those wise pearls I worked so hard to share with her.

The discussions might as well've never happened.

I hope you're able to move straight to offering the bean-dip (if this strategy sounds good to you and your dh), and that you don't waste all the years I wasted getting there.

[HerthElde]

Hmm, I wonder if by not simply saying "We're homeschooling" period, instead of saying that you're delaying, you come off as a bit wishy-washy and vulnerable to change? I know that when I stated to my doc that I was delaying vaxes, it left me open to arguments, but once I outright stated we weren't doing them, period, the debate stopped . . .

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by HerthElde

Hmm, I wonder if by not simply saying "We're homeschooling" period, instead of saying that you're delaying, you come off as a bit wishy-washy and vulnerable to change? I know that when I stated to my doc that I was delaying vaxes, it left me open to arguments, but once I outright stated we weren't doing them, period, the debate stopped . . .

That makes sense!

[Pancakes]

I've never read about the bean dip method, but that's what I've always done. I've received very little flack about homeschooling, but when I do I simply say that it is our decision to make and we appreciate that they care. Then I just move on to something else.

I ended the conversation by saying, in a kind of rude way I'm afraid, "This is a decision we know is right for our family."

That wasn't rude at all. What is rude is when other people tell you how to raise your own children.

[beanandpumpkin]

I like the bean dip approach. Smile, nod, and change the subject. Or even better, say, "thanks!" and then change the subject. That usually confuses the other person long enough for you to go off on a tangent. LOL

[Lillian J]

Here's a post that has links to a number of other good threads where people have shared experiences and suggestions on how to handle these kinds of things. I think the more ideas you get, the better - there may be even one small thing that resonates especially well with you. Lillian

[SereneBabe]

Thanks for everything! I just knew you'd all have helpful ideas!

For clarification, I think what I said was perfectly fine, but, I was at the end of my rope with my inlaws and my presentation was rude (by anyone's standards) because of the other baggage.

Off to read more, and to share the bean-dip link with my husband. He's definitely more of the "got to explain the boundary" sort than I tend to be.

Thanks, again, everyone!

--Heather

[Pippi]

I was wondering the heck the term bean dip meant! I've been seeing it around and gathered that it was a technique of some sort - glad I know now

[elizawill]

i honestly don't tell people i homeschool, unless it's a direct question like, "where does your dd go to school?". even then, i say "we homeschool", and i leave it at that with no further explanation whatsoever. with family and friends that know me, i don't really catch too much slack from them about it. my mom is coming in town tomorrow to visit, and i assume my dd will show her some of her notebooking things and read her a book maybe....but my mom doesn't drill my kids or anything. the one time she questioned homeschooling, it was to me directly and not indirectly through my kids....so i calmly told her my point of view...and it's the last i heard of it (hope it stays that way!).
i find the best thing to do is make statements that are never open-ended....and don't try to explain your decision. i don't need to convince anyone that i know what's best for my kids, ykwim? hugs mama.