Everything I had hoped to do in regard to DDs birth and breast feeding went gone completely sideways. Homebirth plans ended in an emergency C-section.. breastfeeding has been a nightmare. I have flat, non elastic nipples and DD is tongue tied. How's that for a perfect storm? The C-section I am totally at peace with, I know that it was what had to happen. My tail bone is misshapen so instead of making a 45 degree turn to get out, she would have had to make a 90 degree turn. It totally makes sense why I had zero contractions and never really felt her drop. I went to 42 weeks, 1 day before her biophysical profile took a serious downturn and less then 2 hours later we were in the operating room. She was covered in meconium..her nails were even stained. It is a miracle she didnt aspirate any of it. Luckily, she never had to be seperated from us and scored fantastic on her Apgars.
I'm pretty pissed that my midwife didnt pick up on any of this. I know she cant see the future, but I shoulda got a clue a few weeks back when she sent me to her backup ob for a U/S because she couldn't determine position of the baby with a doppler or fetoscope. Baby was in the same position she had been since 20 weeks, but it scared the heck outta me. She also told me that the baby was at -1 starting at 38 weeks. At 40 weeks she said she was at 0. I had some doubts about this, but being a FTM, I trusted she knew more then I did. Did I mention I didnt have a single contraction? I mean, maybe a couple.. but I think I was stretching, wanting to feel something. I had some cramps the last couple days, but nothing even equivalent to my normal period cramps. There wasnt anything I can really say was definitely a contraction. I kept asking her about that and she said it was normal.. fine, maybe it is.. but the U/S showed baby was still floating when she said baby was engaged and to the left side, instead of back to the front ( the location of a caput proves the U/S diagnosis accurate) and then when the biophysical profile took a turn ( her heartbeat was strong but non reactive and fluid had dropped to 2 cm) and we had to be admitted for an emergency C everything the OB said contradicted what she said.. I was still high and posterior and baby was not engaged. Im glad we went in and got her when we did and Im also glad that I wasnt allowed to try an induction, I think it would have seriously stressed her. I think God was really watching over us when I had no reaction to the castor oil. But I do worry that the cohoshes contributed to her low fluid levels and stress near the end. I had a perfect 8/8 biophysical profile on Thursday and on Monday after the at home induction attempts, it was 2/8. I would NEVER take either thing ever again. We are so lucky that she was healthy. All in all, the C-section wasnt nearly as bad as I thought it would be and I was up and around in less then 24 hours. I will try for a VBAC next time if I manage to go into labor on my own... but if will be totally at peace with a scheduled C at 41 weeks too.
Second annoyance:
I had brought concerns about my nipples to my midwife during my second trimester. She looked at them and said they were fine, I didnt need to wear the shells. I could definitely tell they were flat but she assured me that wouldnt be a problem. She was there after the section and "helped" me bring her to the breast the first time shortly after. I knew baby wasnt latching completely but she kept assuring me everything was great. As a FTM who has just had her world rocked by having everything I planned on completely turned upside down, I didnt explore it as much as I needed to. I'm also pretty pissed she didnt catch the tongue tie. I hate to think of what would have happened if we would have had a homebirth, especially without ROM until late in the game. I really feel like she had meconium in the fluid since around 38 weeks when I had this intense amount of activity. Even with the support of the nurses she still lost 8% of her birth weight in 48 hours... if we woulda been at home... I honestly dont even want to think about it. After trying to feed her all night and having super sore nipples I called the LC first thing in the AM.
Opinions on the midwifery model of care: Great if you have no problems and a textbook normal medical history. However, I am incredibly greatful for the back up OB. I have a long history of gynecological issues and screwed up diagnosis that made me completely reject most western medicine practitioners. I now see that, for me, finding the right fit is what is important. I really like the amount of information the OB was able to give me as to why everything went down the way it did... it all really resonated with my experience during my pregnancy.
Back to breastfeeding:
They sent the Lactation Educator (read, worthless-- make sure you get a LC or Lactation Nurse) The first thing she said was nipple sheild, which I was totally not thrilled about since Id heard such bad things about how they decrease your milk supply and baby's never go to the breast without them. After working with DD for another few hours, I gave in and we used the sheild. DD clamped down on the sheild and would arch away so frustrated after a few minutes but we kept trying. On day 2 she had lost 8% of her birth weight and wasnt peeing, and when she did the urine was super concentrated with uric acid crystals.
Everyone started freaking out and I ended up giving in to supplementing her with a spoon and some formula. She got less then 20 ml of formula and I cried the whole time. I felt like such a failure. The one thing I was not prepared to give up on was breastfeeding. Luckily my milk came in in the wee hours of the morning and Im a pretty decent producer. DD is 2 weeks old tomorrow and I pump 8-10 oz every 3-4 hours. In the morning I usually get around 12. I use a Medela swing and am debating buying a second one or getting a PIS if things dont improve soon. The morning my milk came in we had the Lactation Nurse visit us and she was my angel! She diagnosed the tongue tie (flippin Lactation Educator -- even I had questions about wether her tongue should be connected so close to the tip, if she woulda caught it earlier I could have started pumping earlier and never had to supplement with formula) She worked with me to run a modified SNS. We use a syringe hooked up to a tube that goes in the sheild and give a few ml of formula to keep DD sucking until I let down then we pull it out. But it is a task to do it every feeding so Im lucky if we do it 3-4 times a day. I also wear breast shells to help pull the nipple out. She doesnt seem to want to nurse from the breast with the sheild if I havent been wearing them first. I have large breasts and DD likes to hit them when we try it so we have to swaddle. It's like wrestling an octopus. Hubby has to help.. we really could even use another set of hands.
I feel incredibly blessed that Im able to feed her breast milk exclusively no matter how it is delivered. I feel so much empathy for ladies who are trying so hard and have to supplement with formula against their desires. I'd be a mess right now.
We meet with the LN every week and atleast she is eating from the breast using the nipple sheild occasionally. She has an appt to get clipped on Wednesday, which we really struggled with. Aside from the breastfeeding issues, she could have dental, speech and swallowing issues later in life, so we have decided that the benefits outweigh the temporary pain.
Anyway, that is my story. Im coming to terms with EP, but am hoping that the clipping helps and that some day we can atleast nurse with just the shield. I'm prepared to move mountains to make that happen and keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time but some days are better then others and on those times when she screams at my breast out of frustration I just want to curl up into a ball and cry with her. I mean, come on.. give me a break here. I just want to feed my baby like a normal woman. Why does everything have to be so freaking difficult?
Of course she is completely worth it and there are some definate pluses about EPing.. I love that DH can give her a bottle and let me sleep in in the mornings. Ultimately it would be awesome if she could go back and forth. I really envy you mamas who have that worked out.
/end novel
I'm pretty pissed that my midwife didnt pick up on any of this. I know she cant see the future, but I shoulda got a clue a few weeks back when she sent me to her backup ob for a U/S because she couldn't determine position of the baby with a doppler or fetoscope. Baby was in the same position she had been since 20 weeks, but it scared the heck outta me. She also told me that the baby was at -1 starting at 38 weeks. At 40 weeks she said she was at 0. I had some doubts about this, but being a FTM, I trusted she knew more then I did. Did I mention I didnt have a single contraction? I mean, maybe a couple.. but I think I was stretching, wanting to feel something. I had some cramps the last couple days, but nothing even equivalent to my normal period cramps. There wasnt anything I can really say was definitely a contraction. I kept asking her about that and she said it was normal.. fine, maybe it is.. but the U/S showed baby was still floating when she said baby was engaged and to the left side, instead of back to the front ( the location of a caput proves the U/S diagnosis accurate) and then when the biophysical profile took a turn ( her heartbeat was strong but non reactive and fluid had dropped to 2 cm) and we had to be admitted for an emergency C everything the OB said contradicted what she said.. I was still high and posterior and baby was not engaged. Im glad we went in and got her when we did and Im also glad that I wasnt allowed to try an induction, I think it would have seriously stressed her. I think God was really watching over us when I had no reaction to the castor oil. But I do worry that the cohoshes contributed to her low fluid levels and stress near the end. I had a perfect 8/8 biophysical profile on Thursday and on Monday after the at home induction attempts, it was 2/8. I would NEVER take either thing ever again. We are so lucky that she was healthy. All in all, the C-section wasnt nearly as bad as I thought it would be and I was up and around in less then 24 hours. I will try for a VBAC next time if I manage to go into labor on my own... but if will be totally at peace with a scheduled C at 41 weeks too.
Second annoyance:
I had brought concerns about my nipples to my midwife during my second trimester. She looked at them and said they were fine, I didnt need to wear the shells. I could definitely tell they were flat but she assured me that wouldnt be a problem. She was there after the section and "helped" me bring her to the breast the first time shortly after. I knew baby wasnt latching completely but she kept assuring me everything was great. As a FTM who has just had her world rocked by having everything I planned on completely turned upside down, I didnt explore it as much as I needed to. I'm also pretty pissed she didnt catch the tongue tie. I hate to think of what would have happened if we would have had a homebirth, especially without ROM until late in the game. I really feel like she had meconium in the fluid since around 38 weeks when I had this intense amount of activity. Even with the support of the nurses she still lost 8% of her birth weight in 48 hours... if we woulda been at home... I honestly dont even want to think about it. After trying to feed her all night and having super sore nipples I called the LC first thing in the AM.
Opinions on the midwifery model of care: Great if you have no problems and a textbook normal medical history. However, I am incredibly greatful for the back up OB. I have a long history of gynecological issues and screwed up diagnosis that made me completely reject most western medicine practitioners. I now see that, for me, finding the right fit is what is important. I really like the amount of information the OB was able to give me as to why everything went down the way it did... it all really resonated with my experience during my pregnancy.
Back to breastfeeding:
They sent the Lactation Educator (read, worthless-- make sure you get a LC or Lactation Nurse) The first thing she said was nipple sheild, which I was totally not thrilled about since Id heard such bad things about how they decrease your milk supply and baby's never go to the breast without them. After working with DD for another few hours, I gave in and we used the sheild. DD clamped down on the sheild and would arch away so frustrated after a few minutes but we kept trying. On day 2 she had lost 8% of her birth weight and wasnt peeing, and when she did the urine was super concentrated with uric acid crystals.
Everyone started freaking out and I ended up giving in to supplementing her with a spoon and some formula. She got less then 20 ml of formula and I cried the whole time. I felt like such a failure. The one thing I was not prepared to give up on was breastfeeding. Luckily my milk came in in the wee hours of the morning and Im a pretty decent producer. DD is 2 weeks old tomorrow and I pump 8-10 oz every 3-4 hours. In the morning I usually get around 12. I use a Medela swing and am debating buying a second one or getting a PIS if things dont improve soon. The morning my milk came in we had the Lactation Nurse visit us and she was my angel! She diagnosed the tongue tie (flippin Lactation Educator -- even I had questions about wether her tongue should be connected so close to the tip, if she woulda caught it earlier I could have started pumping earlier and never had to supplement with formula) She worked with me to run a modified SNS. We use a syringe hooked up to a tube that goes in the sheild and give a few ml of formula to keep DD sucking until I let down then we pull it out. But it is a task to do it every feeding so Im lucky if we do it 3-4 times a day. I also wear breast shells to help pull the nipple out. She doesnt seem to want to nurse from the breast with the sheild if I havent been wearing them first. I have large breasts and DD likes to hit them when we try it so we have to swaddle. It's like wrestling an octopus. Hubby has to help.. we really could even use another set of hands.
I feel incredibly blessed that Im able to feed her breast milk exclusively no matter how it is delivered. I feel so much empathy for ladies who are trying so hard and have to supplement with formula against their desires. I'd be a mess right now.
We meet with the LN every week and atleast she is eating from the breast using the nipple sheild occasionally. She has an appt to get clipped on Wednesday, which we really struggled with. Aside from the breastfeeding issues, she could have dental, speech and swallowing issues later in life, so we have decided that the benefits outweigh the temporary pain.
Anyway, that is my story. Im coming to terms with EP, but am hoping that the clipping helps and that some day we can atleast nurse with just the shield. I'm prepared to move mountains to make that happen and keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time but some days are better then others and on those times when she screams at my breast out of frustration I just want to curl up into a ball and cry with her. I mean, come on.. give me a break here. I just want to feed my baby like a normal woman. Why does everything have to be so freaking difficult?
Of course she is completely worth it and there are some definate pluses about EPing.. I love that DH can give her a bottle and let me sleep in in the mornings. Ultimately it would be awesome if she could go back and forth. I really envy you mamas who have that worked out.
/end novel
And congratulations on your baby!! 
