Bi Parents ~ February 08 - Page 3

[Autumn Moon]

I'm just happy to know I'm not totally insane. Well, in this regard at least

[PrairieBohemian]

I TOTALLY know where you gals are coming from with trying to suppress lesbian tendencies inside a monogamous hetero pairing. I have really been-there-done-that and it was so hard.

In my first marriage, my husband was NOT accepting of my sexuality at all. I was also quite young and became obsessed with women. I rented lesbo movies when he wasn't around, went to the gay bar secretly, and read every page of lesbo erotica I could find. I actually cheated on him with a girl over a period of about 5 years. It was a very bad marriage and I left it believeing I was a lesbian.

I entered my second marriage totally out about being bi. My husband was really quite accepting and near the end of our marriage, I started dating women (with his "blessing"--basically he was just relieved to not have to meet my needs for intimacy anymore).

Now, I am engaged again and DP is bisexual and a crossdresser. WOW! I have won the lottery now! Making love to him "en femme" really satisfies the part of me that lusts for women. I know we are a very atypical couple but I have tamed the lusty beast in me! (at least for now).

I hope I didn't weird you all out too much, but I know its bloody hard. Insanely hard.

The only thing I can really recommend is being as honest with your DH as you can be, and hopefully he is secure enough in himself to make you feel safe to be you.

Good luck--and remember we're here for you.

[raspberry.swirl]

It's a step...

Originally Posted by bjorker

:

Been there, done that, figured out how to suppress it for now. I guess? I mean, what other choice do I have? I guess I didn't figure anything out so much as accepted that a part of me is going to be miserable in order for a part of me to be happy.
The problem is, I really do love my DP a great deal. We've been through a lot, some really deep bad sh*t, and came out of it stronger and more in love than ever before. I don't want to hurt him, and I REALLY don't want to mess things up. I love my family very much.

But I can't just turn the rest of me off. It doesn't work that way.

The best thing I have figured out to do about this is just work on your own self as a person. I mean, really concentrate and actively work on becoming healthy both inside and out, and then I think the rest will eventually fall into place. I hope. I know it doesn't really explain anything, or sound like an applicable solution, but it's something that I'm starting to believe in. But damn if it isn't the longest process ever... many days I still just feel like crawling in a hole...

I agree, about working on myself as a person too. I notice that when I go to the gym on a regular basis, I feel a secret pleasure that it makes me more attractive to women. It has a dual purpose. I haven't flirted with a woman in person, but I have to admit I have lurked through personal ads on craigslist. I have engaged in phone sex to satisfy my desires. That woman opened my world to lesbian porn which is my outlet. It's not the smutty stuff, it's more natural, like abbey winters or material that fleshbot.com filters. I feel embarassed to share this information on a board rooted in families. I just want to be honest about how my feelings are dealt with, within a happy and fulfilling heterosexual marriage.

[majikfaerie]

"I just want to be honest about how my feelings are dealt with, within a happy and fulfilling heterosexual marriage"



I'm feeling pretty down lately over not having any outlet. Sometimes I think Heket, with her long-distance gf has it great. I would love something like that. just an outlet. just some way to express myself, and to explore that side of myself, without ending my marriage.

I'd say more, but I'm still internetless at home.

[amymarie]

i'm always surprised at how many women feel the same way....i wish our society was more open to different ways of living and loving....i have been there and done that also....living in a hetero relationship but fantasizing about being with a girl....i had to move on because i found it to difficult to live with....i also agree about the working on yourself idea....thats basicly what i did and i found myself some great queer friends....then of course i fell for one and now i am happy and healthy and totally in love....

[heket]

Originally Posted by majikfaerie

"I just want to be honest about how my feelings are dealt with, within a happy and fulfilling heterosexual marriage"



I'm feeling pretty down lately over not having any outlet. Sometimes I think Heket, with her long-distance gf has it great. I would love something like that. just an outlet. just some way to express myself, and to explore that side of myself, without ending my marriage.

I'd say more, but I'm still internetless at home.

I thought my ears were burning...

Something told me to pop in today. It's been a crazy February for me and we were in AZ over the President's holiday weekend, so this is one of the first days I've had to be on MDC catching up.

I have to say, long distance has it's pros and cons (of course), but I think you hit it on the head when it comes to having an outlet, Majikfairie. It's not something we hide from our husbands either -- both know about this relationship. As of yet, my gf and I have not met IRL, but we do communicate daily through any number of options (phone calls, text, email...) It's not ideal, but we're happy we did find one another. It's not something I'd recommend, but it works for us.

[nummies]

Originally Posted by raspberry.swirl

So my husband and I are expecting our first in April and I have felt strong lesbian tendencies for last 2 years. They've always been there but I never had the confidence to act upon it. My husband and I are open about these feelings but I don't engage in much conversation beyond that. I don't want an open marriage, I value monogamy but I need an outlet for these feelings. Anyone have insight or experienced similar feelings?

Thanks

I have some of the same feelings. Although I entered my marriage completely open about my bisexuality. I do value monogamy but I understand that I need to express myself as a bisexual woman as well. Thankfully, DH thinks that is wonderful and has encouraged me to do so. Although in the back of my mind, I still wonder if an open marriage is right for us.

Originally Posted by majikfaerie

"I just want to be honest about how my feelings are dealt with, within a happy and fulfilling heterosexual marriage"



I'm feeling pretty down lately over not having any outlet. Sometimes I think Heket, with her long-distance gf has it great. I would love something like that. just an outlet. just some way to express myself, and to explore that side of myself, without ending my marriage.

I'd say more, but I'm still internetless at home.

I couldn't agree with this more. I was actually coming here to post today about how sad and lonely I have been lately without a woman in my life. I just need to express these feelings or I will burst! I just talked about this to DH last night, glad we are talking about it here today. Helps me to know that I am not alone, doesn't make me feel as lonely. KWIM?

[Maluhia]

I get frustrated sometimes about the outlet but I had such a BAD experience right before I got married with a girlfriend who was supposedly happy with a poly relationship with me (not a threesome, just me/her and me/him at different times) and how BADLY it went when I got married I think I'll be gun-shy forever. That and I'm monogamous by nature, so although I miss women in that way and fantasize of course - it's no different for me than when I miss "other" men types who I did not marry, or fantasize about that guy from the gym.

[raspberry.swirl]

Originally Posted by nummies

I have some of the same feelings. Although I entered my marriage completely open about my bisexuality. I do value monogamy but I understand that I need to express myself as a bisexual woman as well. Thankfully, DH thinks that is wonderful and has encouraged me to do so. Although in the back of my mind, I still wonder if an open marriage is right for us.



I couldn't agree with this more. I was actually coming here to post today about how sad and lonely I have been lately without a woman in my life. I just need to express these feelings or I will burst! I just talked about this to DH last night, glad we are talking about it here today. Helps me to know that I am not alone, doesn't make me feel as lonely. KWIM?

It seems like we all have a common understanding, it's so much easier to find this on MDC than it is in 'real life'. Someone who posted earlier has a long distance relationship (have never met( and that works, another has a girlfriend within her marriage. I am looking for something in between. I want a close relationship emotionally but it can be more of a cherished girlfriend with a common understanding of a romantic attachment. As in if we were hanging out together and were in the mood, we would engage romantically or sexually. At 26, already married, with the first baby on the way, I feel as if the odds are stacked against me. Where should I start? I have seen posting on craigslist for bi-mommy groups. Anyone else have ideas?

[2BMamaof3]

Just be yourself and put yourself out there. I just left a 7.5 year marriage (ok, NOT soemething I'd wish on anyone, but I swore up and down I wouldn't leave this marraiage...) and came out as queer (lesbian, dyke...whatever). And then I fell in love with a m-f couple (who have been together a long time) never expecting polyamoury to come knocking on my door. I have three kids...so no, don't count yourself out. The odds may be stacked against you for NOW...having a baby is an intense place to choose to begin a relationship, that is for sure. But my youngest is 3...and it is about that time. Swwooooon. You just never know what life will bring (or what you'll go and get...however you look at it).

Just be you.

Abby

[2BMamaof3]

Shall we start a poly thread? How many of us are poly here? Or in a poly situation? Or want to be?

I have a question as to how you all deal with envy/jealousy (mostly envy) that comes up. It comes up...so what do you do with it? So far we engage in very long discussions...and that works. That works. Don't get me wrong. But there is a part of me that just wants to streamline the process...to not get upset by what I hear and to know what to DO with it when I'm feeling it.


Abby

[andmx2]

Originally Posted by 2BMamaof3

Shall we start a poly thread? How many of us are poly here? Or in a poly situation? Or want to be?

I have a question as to how you all deal with envy/jealousy (mostly envy) that comes up. It comes up...so what do you do with it? So far we engage in very long discussions...and that works. That works. Don't get me wrong. But there is a part of me that just wants to streamline the process...to not get upset by what I hear and to know what to DO with it when I'm feeling it.


Abby

We just dealt with this other day. He got extremely upset and saddened by what happened with me and my new girl friend(who isn't quite my girlfriend yet.) We also talked it out and I agree that it is a long process to go through eventhough it works. When I've felt it generally I try to to think of things from his point of view too. I guess in my situation things might be a little different as he just came out to me recently so he has had years to become accostomed to me being bisexual whereas I've just recently known for certain. I find that I am a terribly envious person especially when I'm without my other half if you will. What works for me is always reminding myself that when the day is over and all is said and done nothing will ever change between he and I as we are the foundation and anything else that is added in is just a bonus. I wish you the best!

[majikfaerie]

I think there is a Poly thread somewhere. I can't remember where, but I do recall posting on one some time.

[Indigo73]

Yep, it's http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=414608

[majikfaerie]

okay, for those who remember the gorgeous houseguest I had staying last year... she's back!
She came back yesterday to stay for a few weeks, and today DP got on a plane to Israel.
When we dropped DP at the airport, he made some comment to my houseguest, like 'well, you ca do whatever you want with my wife'.
then, as soon as we got back to the car, houseguest said "I was waiting till [DP] left to say it, but wow, you are looking so sexy! you've lost weight or something, but you look really healthy and happy and great!"


So now I don't know what to think. was she just giving me a platonic complement? Is there something hinting?

why am I so shy IRL??

[2BMamaof3]

heh heh...it's hard to make the move, isn't it? If nothing else can work (just do it, SAY something!!), just buy a bottle of wine or two and snuggle up on the couch to watch a movie. Anything can happen, majik!

Good luck!

Abby

[heket]

New thread.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1#post10672301

[Surfacing]

subbing

[majikfaerie]

emese's mom; there's a new thread for march, the link to which can be found in the post preceeding yours.
see you there!