3 year old throwing toys everywhere, disrupts brother's play

[L&IsMama]

I need some creative ideas on how to handle this! My 3 yr old ds has taken to dumping everything out and throwing it all over the house. At me, at his brother, at pictures on the wall. : He dumped the huge bin of Lincoln logs, all the legos, train tracks, etc, etc. I have tried giving him alternative things to throw, it was a no go. He took the acceptable thing to throw and threw it at my face and called me a butt. I have tried taking all the toys and putting them out of reach, but I don't like doing that because for one thing, it is almost impossible to take everything and put it up, and his brother likes to do legos, but can't because ds2 comes along and wrecks them. That turns into a big fight between the kids, complete with eye clawing and screeching.

I really don't know what to do...I have tried taking ds2 aside and occupying him while ds1 tries to play, then ds1 gets upset that I am not doing legos with him, etc.Not to mention getting either of them to pick up toys after they use them just isn't happening. I have tried making a game out of it, doesn't work. Sigh. I am really frazzled here. I don't know what to do, so it's gotten to the point that Idon't do *anything* about it. Something has got to give, yk?

[LilyGrace]

1. Who picks up the mess?

2. Do your boys share a room or have their own?

3. If they share, it's still okay to close the door for DS1 when he plays to enforce the respect rule. When the work is respected, DS2 is welcome to play next to him or with him.

[leafylady]

Wow, what did you do when he called you a butt? It sounds kind of nasty in your post, but perhaps it wasn't so serious.

Do you know why he is throwing?

I'd say make a serious "no throwing" rule and enforce it. What kind of discipline or guidance works with your younger son? My older son did well with timeouts but they don't work with my daughter. My daughter needs more constant repetition and redirection. She also needs someone there to prevent a problem before it starts.

Yes clean-up can be awful. You need to be there cleaning up with them and directing every move for awhile. Make some sorting boxes for the legos, by color or shape or even by project.

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by LilyGrace

1. Who picks up the mess?

2. Do your boys share a room or have their own?

3. If they share, it's still okay to close the door for DS1 when he plays to enforce the respect rule. When the work is respected, DS2 is welcome to play next to him or with him.

I end up picking it up because I can't stand stepping on lincoln logs and legos. They don't really share a bedroom, ds2 sleeps with me still. We have the back FL room as a playroom, and there's really no way to keep ds2 out of there short of forcibly holding him in my arms to keep him away from his brother. I have told ds1 to go in his bedroom and lock the door if he likes, but he will keep unlocking it and laugh at ds2, call him a beast, and slam the door repeatedly. : Ds1 pretty much instigates ds2's behaviour, then gets mad when ds2 destroys his stuff. :

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by leafylady

Wow, what did you do when he called you a butt? It sounds kind of nasty in your post, but perhaps it wasn't so serious.

Do you know why he is throwing?

I'd say make a serious "no throwing" rule and enforce it. What kind of discipline or guidance works with your younger son? My older son did well with timeouts but they don't work with my daughter. My daughter needs more constant repetition and redirection. She also needs someone there to prevent a problem before it starts.

Yes clean-up can be awful. You need to be there cleaning up with them and directing every move for awhile. Make some sorting boxes for the legos, by color or shape or even by project.

I ignored him when he called me a butt. He didn't say it in a "mean" way, more of a "you're a butt! Haha!" sort of way, kwim?

Honestly? I don't know what works with ds2. Timeouts do not work, redirection certainly doesn't work. I just don't know, really... I just feel like they are out of control. I hate yelling, yet I feel like thats all I do lately. :

We have bins for all of the toys, they just don't stay there. I am ready to take every last toy and put them in the storage shed and leave nothing but a few books and some paper and crayons. I just can't keep picking up teeny tiny foot destroying logs and bricks all. the. time.


ETA- I did somehow manage to get ds1 to pick up his toys buy telling him we would not go to the park if it wasn't done. I really hate bribing, though. There must be a better way?

[LilyGrace]

Originally Posted by L&IsMama

I end up picking it up because I can't stand stepping on lincoln logs and legos. They don't really share a bedroom, ds2 sleeps with me still. We have the back FL room as a playroom, and there's really no way to keep ds2 out of there short of forcibly holding him in my arms to keep him away from his brother. I have told ds1 to go in his bedroom and lock the door if he likes, but he will keep unlocking it and laugh at ds2, call him a beast, and slam the door repeatedly. : Ds1 pretty much instigates ds2's behaviour, then gets mad when ds2 destroys his stuff. :

This doesn't sound so much an issue about throwing toys anymore, but about general respect. There doesn't seem to be a lot between the two boys, or even the younger one towards you.
The fastest way I have learned to foster that is to set firm, reasonable limits for the WHOLE household. When the boys were smaller, we made a list of house rules together and hung it on the wall in the hallway. If a rule was broken, the consequences were swift, logical, and calm. No waiting until I was ready to pull my hair out.
Repeatedly slamming the door and calling out names - the FIRST time, open the door, escort DS1 out and shut it behind him. When the responsibility is foregone, so is the priviledge.
Dumping/throwing toys - the FIRST time, put the rest of the toys up (a simple tall cabinet works well for toy storage), issue direct instructions as to what needs to be done and how. When that is finished, play can resume. If it happens again, child is removed for a while from the play area.
Calling names - immediately leave.

I don't see not going to the park as a bribe. Rather, I see it as "if we want to go to the park, we need to leave by _____. The toys need to be picked up before we go."
They will start living up to the rules of the house if the rules apply every.single.time.

[leafylady]

I think LilyGrace has some sound advice for you.