WWYD? How Would You Prepare? UPDATE #33 - Page 3

[wifeandmom]

Originally Posted by Shelsi

H

I guess I really feel like I have to defend him a little. Just because he slacks a bit in one area doesn't make him a bad husband. .

Please don't feel like you have to defend him at all!

It's so hard to know the full situation from just a few posts, and it's impossible to truly convey the full situation even if we typed forever.

At first, I was thinking you *really* needed to step back and give the man some space. The thought of pressuring my DH about anything when he was deployed...well, it's just not something that happened. He was working 20+ hours a day, 7 days a week, hating every minute of it. No way would I have been pressuring him about job hunting while he was in Iraq. So I project my experience on you...not a good idea in most cases obviously.

Then you say a few more things that make me think...well, maybe she SHOULD be worried about his future. Which is so foreign to me cause it just would not occur to me to job hunt for DH. It's just not part of my reality.

That doesn't make your DH any better or worse than mine, they're just different. If you think it will help to polish off his resume, send it out, set up interviews, by all means, go for it. If it gives you a sense of security, go for it. As long as HE isn't complaining about you doing so, I guess there's really nothing to lose, right? My own DH would likely be highly offended, but again, this isn't a situation I'd find myself in to begin with.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Shelsi

What it comes down to is that in his career field these jobs can take months and months to get. There are polygraph tests, drug tests, extra security clearance paperwork to get through (one of my clearances took 3 yrs to get pushed through because it was so high...they went and talked to neighbors I knew as a child, ex boyfriends, almost every single teacher I ever had, etc, it's pretty crazy). There are actual written examinations to take. It all takes time and time is something we don't have a whole lot of. Which is why he should have started this process earlier but we've got the ball rolling now

This is why now is the best time to be applying for jobs; when certs and clearances are current. My dh got his job just under the buzzer for those things.

[Shellie]

Originally Posted by WNB

OUt of curiosity, does he describe himself as a "self-starter" in the resume or in interviews?

(I'm glad what you're doing works for you, but that would drive me bonkers. I hate doing stuff for my DH that makes me feel like his "mom". Of course, I was pretty steamed by the end of my DH's looong transition as well, so maybe I should reconsider my reluctance to "mom" him. Ugh. I wanted to marry an adult, not a child.)

LOL! Believe it or not, he does! I think it's because when he knows no one WILL be his mom, he can handle it. I've often thought he's such a different person at work--more of a big baby at home! Honestly, I should give him credit, he's changed a lot. I haven't had to hand-hold him like that for several years...but in the first 10 years, a lot of it was me. And it is stressful when the dh is like an extra kid!

[Shelsi]

Well I submitted his application today for a job. Now we just keep our fingers crossed. I know it's a long shot to get the first job you apply for but this one really would be nice, good pay and good location, plus no deployments (even most of the civilian jobs deploy in his career ).

In the beginning, like a year ago, I really fought the idea of me doing his resume for him. Now I'm really glad I backed down and just did it. The stuff he wrote was TERRIBLE lol. I don't think he ever could have gotten a job with the stuff he wrote. I had him send me his job descriptions, accomplishments, etc and most of the stuff he sent me was completely unusable. Luckily, even though I've never done a resume, I am a fairly competent writer and I think I was able to put a pretty nice spin on everything and make it sound really professional. There's an MDC mom who is helping up with his resume as well (for free ) so hopefully that will help as well.

[grniys]

I haven't read every post in this thread since I'm a little crunched for time, but I wanted to wish you luck. My dh was supposed to be getting out of the Marines this summer, but after many months of debating and discussing and looking into things and planning we decided to reenlist. I understand how very nerve wracking what you're going through is.

The seps & taps classes have loads and loads on info. My dh came home with stacks upon stacks of booklets and information about military friendly companies and they taught him some interview techniques and such. I highly recommend those classes.

One thing my dh did was just put in loads and loads of applications with many places. Even if it wasn't a job he really wanted, he would apply. That way he had more options, and more interview experience under his belt when it came time to go to an interview for a job he really wanted.

Good luck in your search!

[lilyka]

I would cut your expenses, plan on getting a part time job if you need to (to lessen how much you dip into your savings) and let your dh take the time he needs. deployment is hard and he might need a few weeks or months to reorientated and decompress himself when he gets home before starting a job hunt. I know when I was stressed and pressured about finding a job it just overwhelmed me. when everyone layed off I walked in and got a job in less than a week. I just needed space to think without everyone else micromanaging me or putting pressure on me to get what they considered a good job.

if you really want to support him in his desire to change career paths then be prepared to support him as he does it his way. other wise the effort to leave the military might not seem worth it to him in the end. I have stayed in bad jobs and bad situations just because changing paths seemed to complicated.