Not sure I want to ask....

[MotherWillow]

A couple that I am good friends with recently had a little boy.

I talked to the Daddy about it. At first his attitude was one of "Well we will probably just do it anyway."

Then I told him about the complications my son has suffered due to circumcision. (My husband and I were completely uneducated and misled and thought circ was not an option. It is my greatest regret as a mother that I failed to protect my son)

Then he said "Wow well we may not do that then."

I sent them a huge packet of info about circ. The Daddy e-mailed me back and said I had given them a whole lot to think about and discuss.

So I haven't been brave enough to ask if they circed him. He is nearly 3 months old. They live far away so I haven't been to visit yet.

Instead I have been scouring their myspace pics of the baby. So far no pics that would indicate he was circed. I also looked through all of the hospital pics. I didn't see any gauze pads in the isolette or vaseline in the pics. There was one of daddy getting him dressed to go home and he was obviously putting a new diaper on him. I didn't see either of those things in that pic either.

Am I a complete freak because I am trying to figure out if they circed their sweet baby by looking through the pics. I wish I wasn't too chicken to ask them. I just don't think I could bear it if they told me they did.

*Sigh* Knowing where they live though I am almost sure they probably did.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by MotherWillow

A couple that I am good friends with recently had a little boy.

I talked to the Daddy about it. At first his attitude was one of "Well we will probably just do it anyway."

Then I told him about the complications my son has suffered due to circumcision. (My husband and I were completely uneducated and misled and thought circ was not an option. It is my greatest regret as a mother that I failed to protect my son)

Then he said "Wow well we may not do that then."

I sent them a huge packet of info about circ. The Daddy e-mailed me back and said I had given them a whole lot to think about and discuss.

So I haven't been brave enough to ask if they circed him. He is nearly 3 months old. They live far away so I haven't been to visit yet.

Instead I have been scouring their myspace pics of the baby. So far no pics that would indicate he was circed. I also looked through all of the hospital pics. I didn't see any gauze pads in the isolette or vaseline in the pics. There was one of daddy getting him dressed to go home and he was obviously putting a new diaper on him. I didn't see either of those things in that pic either.

Am I a complete freak because I am trying to figure out if they circed their sweet baby by looking through the pics. I wish I wasn't too chicken to ask them. I just don't think I could bear it if they told me they did.

*Sigh* Knowing where they live though I am almost sure they probably did.

Who knows, maybe they didn't. We talk about all the reasons people circumcise, but really mothers (and fathers) really choose to circumcise out of fear. Fear mothers hear from their family and doctors, and fear fathers have for giving them a penis they are not sure is going to be healthy.

But when you come with information and a real life experience that shows that the real danger may be the circumcision itself, you have a big chance of changing minds. So dont feel so negative about it. You did a great job, and I hope you can keep up with that same message every time your faced with new parents of baby boys. Because your story really does need to be heard.

[tammyswanson]

No, you aren't a freak or anything for being so curious. I had given a friend of a friend a ton of info (email only) about why NOT to have her son mutilated (she has an older son and he's cut, AND she's a pediatric nurse! You'd think she would know better). Anyway, she emails me, thanks for the info, etc. I don't hear much, except I hear from my friend that her and her DH (D doesn't stand for Dear in this case, stands for something ELSE were having problems about deciding whether to do it since her first son was mutilated.

So I send her MORE links regarding that subject. Later, she has her little boy (such a cutie too!), and I hear nothing from her about if she had him cut. Nada. So, a month or so later, I email her and ask. I didn't get a response to that email. Oh, I got other emails from her, but not that one. So, basically I had my answer. How can people be so stupid? Sorry, I'm ranting.

But, you are not freaky, and you are totally sane. I don't blame you for wondering. Here is the email that I sent this lady, if you want to use a variation, please do. It's non confrontational, unlike circumcision.

[beru]

I have the same situation with friends whose baby is 6 months old. I just can't ask. I have let it go. I still am super curious but I figure I don't want to hear the answer if she circed him (Mom wanted to, Dad didn't!). We are really friends with the Dad first and I ended up having a horrible fight with his wife over this when she was pregnant so I felt like I had to let it go cause I get too emotional about it. I realized there are other little parenting choices she makes that don't jive with me (nothing huge) so we won't be best mom buddies anyway.

Originally Posted by MotherWillow

A couple that I am good friends with recently had a little boy.

I talked to the Daddy about it. At first his attitude was one of "Well we will probably just do it anyway."

Then I told him about the complications my son has suffered due to circumcision. (My husband and I were completely uneducated and misled and thought circ was not an option. It is my greatest regret as a mother that I failed to protect my son)

Then he said "Wow well we may not do that then."

I sent them a huge packet of info about circ. The Daddy e-mailed me back and said I had given them a whole lot to think about and discuss.

So I haven't been brave enough to ask if they circed him. He is nearly 3 months old. They live far away so I haven't been to visit yet.

Instead I have been scouring their myspace pics of the baby. So far no pics that would indicate he was circed. I also looked through all of the hospital pics. I didn't see any gauze pads in the isolette or vaseline in the pics. There was one of daddy getting him dressed to go home and he was obviously putting a new diaper on him. I didn't see either of those things in that pic either.

Am I a complete freak because I am trying to figure out if they circed their sweet baby by looking through the pics. I wish I wasn't too chicken to ask them. I just don't think I could bear it if they told me they did.

*Sigh* Knowing where they live though I am almost sure they probably did.

[phatchristy]

Well, I can say that I did have one friend who I shared the information with, who never really mentioned it afterwards, but when I asked she did tell me that they were absolutely not going to do it. However they were already really critically minded people and question a lot of things, so I think they were more receptive to "not following the herd". She had a hospital birth, though had midwives and is a breastfeeding mom.

[LavenderMae]

No, you are not a freak. I hope they didn't do it.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by beru

I realized there are other little parenting choices she makes that don't jive with me (nothing huge) so we won't be best mom buddies anyway.

Although circumcision is not a parental choice. Its not like picking out the blankets or deciding to breast feed. Infant Circumcision is a breach of personal rights. Sorry about the soap box mini rant, its just always bugs me when people say they are "deciding"

[LavenderMae]

I agree ,perspective. This culture (American) really needs to get that circumcision isn't just another parenting decision. It's not the same as picking out a crib (if you use one that is ) or deciding on what color to paint the nursery. It's removing an integral part of a baby's genitalia and that should never have been a parental choice to begin with.
Although I don't consider breastfeeding just another parenting choice either but it is not on the same level as MGM and that conversation (about bf'ing) is for another forum I suppose.

[KBecks]

I am trying to look at it in terms of, a baby boy's private parts should be kept private, and it's none of my business if he was circ'd or not. I will give pro-intact and anti-circ messages to people, but in the end, I've done my part if I've shared the information. I think it's a little strange to ask about a child's penis.... KWIM? This is helping me avoid the issue of how to cope with the grief, etc. etc. It may be denial, but I'd rather assume the best and go on with life rather than stress over it. I'll pray for the health and safety of the baby, etc. and send my best wishes. I'm not sure if it's important for me to know, since if it's done, there's nothing I can do anyway, and its up to the parents if they want to discuss their son's body.

ETA: Like, I don't want to know on my sons' soccer teams, oh Billy, Paul and Sam are circed and Lawrence, Charlie, Peter and Max are not. It's just TMI! None of my business, even if I've known them since they were babies.

And, if they have circ'd you would be setting yourself up for an extremely uncomfortable situation and conversation. If you must know because you cannot accept them if they circ'd, then maybe you need to ask, but I think you might be happier in the long run to drop it. I hope they didn't and I hope you feel better.

[kldliam]

MY POLICY regarding the "follow-up" period.

If they don't offer it up (as in reassure you it wasn't done) then their hiding it from you to spare you any grief. If people that I give info. too don't report back that they decided against it, I KNOW THEY DID IT.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by kldliam

MY POLICY regarding the "follow-up" period.

If they don't offer it up (as in reassure you it wasn't done) then their hiding it from you to spare you any grief. If people that I give info. too don't report back that they decided against it, I KNOW THEY DID IT.

Don't you mean, you ASSUME they did it? I mean, you don't know anything for sure without actually seeing the baby.

[kldliam]

I hate that word assume. But yes, I assume i KNOW.

[HeidiAnn67]

Well, you can't know for sure (without asking or seeing), but I would think that if they HAD NOT they would have shared that with you because of all you told them.

And not to be a "downer", but lack of gauze and vasaline means nothing. 2 of my boys were circ'd with a bell (before I knew better) and we didn't have to do anything to it (no gauze or vasaline necessary like we did with our one son who didn't have the bell).

[phdmama06]

I just don't ask. If they circ'ed, I really don't want to know, and often I end up finding out anyway One friend had some pictures of her baby boy in his bassinet at the hospital, and the circ care brochure was right by his head. Another joked about her son's circ on her blog. (Tasteless...sigh...) If they didn't (which hasn't happened yet, but maybe one day) I would think they'd say something, especially if I was involved in helping them learn about it.

[Microsoap]

Originally Posted by phdmama06

I just don't ask. If they circ'ed, I really don't want to know, and often I end up finding out anyway One friend had some pictures of her baby boy in his bassinet at the hospital, and the circ care brochure was right by his head. Another joked about her son's circ on her blog. (Tasteless...sigh...) If they didn't (which hasn't happened yet, but maybe one day) I would think they'd say something, especially if I was involved in helping them learn about it.

When I see those online family photo sharing albums (you know the various ones) and I see outright infuriating comments like "If he looks a little mad, it's because he just had his circumcision. hehe", I immediately counter-- in a non-threatening way, mind you-- w/ some anti-circ links and a civil invitation to learn more. What do I get in return? Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I don't think I need to even finish that thought!

Yeah, THEY get to make light about their son (s) mutilation and if others were to say "good for you", it stays.... but should someone give the OTHER point-of-view, he gets his comments deleted, he get a personal e-mail from the parent saying "mind your own business" (to put it politely here) AND he gets his [online family photo sharing] account killed. That's what happens! Geesh.

[tammyswanson]

You need to counter with a graphic circ video and say, 'Gee, circumcision is so FUNNY!!! Watch one here (link)"

[Breeder]

I have to say I wouldn't ask, because I would want to respect that little boy's privacy as much as possible.

To put an upside, maybe they didn't tell you they decided against it because they have a tiny baby (3 mo is still tiny!) and they are sleep deprived and trying to figure out how to make dinner with a little person around and maybe haven't had time to email you.

Well, it's possible. I'm just an optimist at heart!

[kldliam]

Breeder: I have to say I wouldn't ask, because I would want to respect that little boy's privacy as much as possible.

Yea, there's really no need to ask. If they aren't sharing that info. with you, they really don 't want you to know. I wonder why?