My mother is driving me BATTY!!!!!!!!

[camille76]

Ok, so a little background first....

I had baby #1. no big deal.
I found out I was pg w/ baby #2, she asked, "What are you going to do with another one?" :
I found out I was pg w/ baby #3, she says, "Do you know what might be causing this??" (in a negative way). haha NOT FUNNY. :
Now we found out we're pg with #4 (MONTHS ago, of course) and I skirted a bad reaction out of her by having my 4yo daughter excitedly tell her the good news as I fled the room!

So... then she asks me about a month ago, "So HOW MANY children are you going to have?" So i said, "just 4." and she said, "HA! Wanna bet! I think <DH NAME> needs to get snipped!"

WHY do some people think it's not RUDE to suggest sterilization!!!!!!!!????? I could see if I had been complaining about children or being pg, but I hadn't!!!! I'm a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom... Ya THINK i might LIKE my children!!!???

Now, that aside, I had already been planning on having a tubal after this child because we/I think 4 is plenty for us/me. (meaning me & my husband), and I want to be able to spend time focusing on the ones we have without having to go back and forth with being pg, tired, newborn stage, etc. SO... I reluctantly told her that I planned on having a tubal after this baby. (grrrrrrrr.... I really did not want to tell her just for the simple fact that I knew it'd make her happy... but I also did not want to hear it for the rest of my life! And, just for the record, I shut her up about her suggesting a vasectomy a couple years ago & told her that is a bit personal, but apparently she either forgot or chose to forget that because she started bringing it up again.)

Anyway, so my point is she is really getting on my nerves because now she is bombarding me with multiple emails with 1 question in them each about how is the baby going to eat while I'm having surgery.... where will she be during/after my tubal... will she be watching the kids or with me. Um, hopefully neither because 1. she can't handle multiple kids and 2. it's not like i'm the type to want "mama". We just don't have that bond, ya know? And besides, like I want her breathing down my neck and being glad when it's over and done with, saying comments about "whew, i'm glad you just had that surgery done!" WHERE IS THE TACT, PEOPLE???? Wait a minute... not even "tact"... just keep your damn mouths shut!!!!

Oh and another thing... so she's anti-more-babies... then she barges into my birthing room after baby#3 was born and then talks about how she loved how i let her hold her after she was born. So I told her, "actually, I'd rather wait to having visitors when i'm in my postpartum room." She says, "oh". WHATEVER!!! I've told her before that same thing! AND!!! She tells me 2 times out of the blue... that if DH can't be there with me in the delivery room, that she could be there with me. WTF! Why wouldn't he be there? Was he not there for the last 3??????
So why the HELL would she want to be in there if she is screaming sterilization!!!!!!
I think it's all control issues.
AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you tell I'm frustrated!!!!! It's just not fair.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Dea]

I agree no tact. Some people are clueless... it's shocking to me.
My mom also lacks tact, but I just tell her so and leave it. I get that not everyone can do that though.
Anyhow rant away, rant away. I'll listen and nod in understanding.

[Mama2-4]

Yeah...the nerve of some people. I have gotten the same business although not as direct as you. This is my 4th too. DH wants to be done, but I still feel baby pangs in my heart....but I am sure this is our last.

[kathywiehl]

I'm sorry It would be so nice to have a mother who is supportive, wouldn't it?

My mom had a similar reaction when I told her our news. She said "oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!" in a sort of grave voice like she just got some bad news...then she said "HOW are you going to handle all those kids?"

I was so ticked. I said "Mom, this is a GOOD thing, We PLANNED this. We WANT this."

She said "oh, okay"

Just because she was a crappy mom and couldn't handle the two kids she had, doesn't mean I can't handle four grrrrrr.

Try to just ignore your mom. She's probably just basing her opinion on how she'd feel with many children and it's obvious that she prefers smaller families and can't understand how you couldn't.

[gerlassie]

I go through the same mess with my mom. But, I can top yours...my mom is a Fundamentalist Christian ( I have nothing against organized religions, I do not belong to a church and strongly feel that religion is a personal thing and people should be able to worship whoever and where ever they want...not in a structured setting because that is what they are told to do. ). Anyway, having stated my disclaimer and hoping I haven't offended anyone...I've learned to keep her out of my personal life and share very little with her. She has an opinion about everything and I really don't care to hear it any more. Unless she has something positive to contribute I ask her to keep her negativity to herself.

Best of Luck with your mom,

gerlassie

[applecore]

I can totally relate! My MIL offered to pay for my husband to get a vasectomy when we found out about #2. I was appalled that she butted in that way, and I wrote her a respectful email telling her that it was not her business and that she had offended me. So then dh calls her to tell her about #3, and it's almost a month before she even calls me to congratulate us. And it wasn't exactly an enthusiastic congratulation. :

[SamuraiMom]

Sounds like my MIL. I feel the same way about 4 being it, but she keeps bringing up having a tubal. She says to me one night "It's a shame (a shame, she says) that you aren't having this baby in the hospital, you could have the surgery then". Who ever said I wanted to get tied?????
She made a similar suggestion after my last m/c. No class. Her response when I told her we were pregnant again was "I though M didn't want any more kids". I told her her son doesn't know what he wants. She said, rather defensively, that of course he does, and I said ( breath ) Well then he probably should have thought of that when I said "you know, I'M OVULATING RIGHT NOW" !!!!!!! You have my sympathy mama.