So my relationship with my dad has hit an all time low and it's killing me inside. He's still having an affair with the married woman. He rarely spends time with me, my sister, or our families. He didn't even want to spend his birthday with us until his girlfriend cancelled on him at the last minute. I'd like to think that I'm coming to terms with the fact that my relationship with him will never be what it was. It's hard but I'm trying.
I work full time as a nurse but work an additional day at his office managing the finances. I make less half what I do as a nurse but I've done this work for the past 8 years as a favor to him and because I loved working with my family. My sister is the office manager.
When our relationship starting going south, my sister and I convinced him to go to counseling. He had no interest in stopping his affair but we set some ground rules that we could all live with. Mainly, he's to keep his relationship with her separate from his relationship with us (no texting around us, no talking about her, etc at home and at work). To his credit, he stuck with this for a while.
My sister and I have several major objections to this woman. First of all she's married with a 5 year old son, so that alone makes this relationship immoral and wrong beyond words. Second of all, my dad had an affair with this woman when I was young. It nearly tore my family apart but we moved on to have many amazing, wonderful years together. Third, from my outsider's perspective, she's emtionally abusive to my dad. Fourth, she started persuing my dad the minute she found out my died which I view as predatory. Yes my dad is a grown an with free will but a man who lost his wife of 35 years is in no position to be started a new relationship. Shame on her for preying on his vulnerability. Fourth, this woman is evil and a horrible person anyway and NEVER someone I would want to be around. I will NEVER allow her anywhere near my children.
About 2 months ago, my dad went to a continuing education conference for work and notified me at the last minute that he would be staying in a hotel so he wouldn't have to drive the 45 minute commute each way. First of all, he gave me no notice so I didn't budget the office to pay for it. Second of all, I got stuck staying at his house dog sitting while my husband who just had surgery had to stay at home and take care of our DD. I got the bill for his 3 night stay about 3 wks later and it was amost $2,000! I looked at the meal receipts and he very clearly had his girlfriend there with him and the office paid for all their meals and drinks. I was beyond livid. He lied to me, broke our ground rules, took advantage of me, and spent money the office didn't have to play house with this disgusting woman. (We took a huge hit financially while my mom was dying because my dad was away from the office so much).
He recently informed me that he IS going to a continuing education seminar in Hawaii in January depsite the fact that the office can't afford it. We got in a fight when I told him there was no money to pay for it. He stormed out but apologized later saying "we could try to work something out". Mind you, this conference is right around the time that I'm due to have a baby. He'd rather play tropical playboy than support his daughter birthing his LAST grandchild. Last week, he brought it up again. He basically said that if there wasn't money to pay for the trip that meant that there was something wrong with the office finances. Except for catching up after my mom's death, we're in the best financial shape we've ever been in. I do a very good job with the finances. The argument got ugly pretty quickly and we parted ways without resolving it. I haven't spoken to him since other than being professional at work on Friday in front of patients.
I am so angry that he thinks the office can bankroll his affair with a married woman. First of all, we can't afford it. Even if we could, it's a stupid way to be spending money. He doesn't even need the continuing education credits! He admitted to my sister that "if she's going it's none of our business" which means she's going. So much for keeping their relationship separate from the office. I looked at his personal bank account (I helped him get his finances in order after my mom died) and he recently cashed out some of my mom's retirement because his personal finances are so bad. He's trying so hard to pretend that he's rich to impress this woman. It makes me so angry and breaks my heart all at the same time.
I was so angry last week that I had decided his personal relationship with me and my family was over until his relationship with this woman ends and he (hopefully) comes to his senses someday. I felt some obligation to keep him in my life for the sake of DD but his relationship with her is a joke. I've settled down a little but still am so torn about what to do. I've decided I'm not going to quit working at his office. My dad is a great doctor but a terrible business owner. His office would fall apart without me and my sister. If I quit, it will all fall on my sister's shoulders and she has enough on her plate as it is. Once the baby comes, I will be doing my work after hours anyway so I wouldn't have to see him nearly as often. Though I would get stuck dealing with him trying to use the office to play rich doctor.
He stopped by my sister's house last night and got choked up when I came up so he is bothered by the fact that we're not speaking. They couldn't really talk about things though as my niece was there. I'll probably go over to his house Thursday night (when DH can watch DD) to hash things out. I just don't know what to do. All this drama and watching him self destruct is killing me. It's bringing such negativity into my life and I just can't handle it. If he weren't my dad, I would have cut him out of my life a long time ago. This affair has been going on a year now. Sometimes I feel like I need to cut him out of our lives - he's so selfish and not even the same person anymore. Then the thought of life without my mom and
my dad pains me beyond words. I promised my mom over and over again on her death bed that I would take care of the family. I'm not doing a very good job.
I really hope that my mom is in a place where she doesn't even know this is happening. It would break her heart. Our family meant everything to her.
Sorry for the novel, I needed to vent.