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Mom's without Mom's part 5 - Page 10

post #181 of 298

Thanks for the welcome

I can only offer a to you Papschmitty....your situation with 'that woman' and your Dad sounds just awful...she sounds like a piece of work.
My Dad is getting round to the idea of meeting someone new but claims that he wants a platonic friendship. I think this'll be hard to find. He is so used to female company (2 daughters and Wife, no Sons) and misses that.
His drinking is really affecting his relationship with my Sister though and I feel bad for her. We've both tried talking to him - me diplomatically, her more confrontationally and have realised he's not going to change.
My Mum kept him in line so to speak...she'd be so mad at his behaviour regarding drink but would probably defend him too which is kind of what I do.
Anyway, I'm rambling....
post #182 of 298
:

i just need one of those lately

thinking of you all s
post #183 of 298
Nice

:
Sorry I've not been too active lately, welcome new posters.
post #184 of 298
to all Thanks K and mamasgroovin. Not too active here, either. I have been regularly having dreams with my mom in them, in most of them lately she's alive and well, not even close to being ill like she was towards the end. Which is nice, although kind of sad to wake up and realize it was only a dream.
post #185 of 298
It's been awhile since I've posted here in the MWM thread. My dd and I moved out of my parents home, it's being sold. We found a nice place to live. We're happy here.

Today my Dad is getting married, and it's weird, but okay. I'm strangely numb about the whole event. His new wife is not my biggest fan and my relationship with my Dad has changed so much since they got together. I imagine it will change even more after today.

I don't have much more to say about that. I just I didn't have anywhere else to share those feelings, so I came here.
post #186 of 298
((((((((((((((((((((((((Janna))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))
post #187 of 298
Thanks so much for the hugs.

The wedding went well. I had more emotions (a few silent tears) during the wedding than I thought I would, but held it together very well.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for my Dad. He found a woman who really cares about him. I just wish she didn't dislike me so much. It's all going to be fine, I just need to get used to it all.
post #188 of 298
Janna
post #189 of 298
(((hugs))) Janna. Sounds rough.
post #190 of 298
*love for all of you*

Wanted to introduce myself...

I'm not a momma yet, just 23 weeks into my pregnancy. However, I lost MY momma at age 11 and the Dad to some woman shortly after. I notice the older I get, the more I miss my mom and need her around!
post #191 of 298
Glittery, I am so sorry about your losses. And I agree that getting older in many ways makes me want my mom more, especially having kids. I am a bit jealous of people who still have their parents, and sometimes it gets in the way of our friendship. I can't sympathise when they complain that their parents give their kids too many gifts, for example.
post #192 of 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookietooth View Post
I can't sympathise when they complain that their parents give their kids too many gifts, for example.
Seriously .. I know what you mean. Even when they complain about difficult things too... like mom being too overbearing or nosy or stepping on their toes ... or whatever ... I mean I would love to be dealing with those issues
post #193 of 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie2 View Post
Seriously .. I know what you mean. Even when they complain about difficult things too... like mom being too overbearing or nosy or stepping on their toes ... or whatever ... I mean I would love to be dealing with those issues
Yeah, I sort of want to say "talk to the hand" or something. I mean, do they really think that their complaining about their parents doesn't bother me? Kind of like when people complain about how they get pregnant too easily when they know that I have had so many struggles.
post #194 of 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookietooth View Post
Yeah, I sort of want to say "talk to the hand" or something. I mean, do they really think that their complaining about their parents doesn't bother me? Kind of like when people complain about how they get pregnant too easily when they know that I have had so many struggles.
I know, even on this board in some of the parenting threads people complain about things with their parents - especially now around the holidays ... i have trouble holding my tongue sometimes
post #195 of 298
Welcome Glittery. I'm sorry for your losses.

I'm also pg and due in January. Last Christmas was my first Christmas without my mom but it seems even harder this year. I'm guessing it's because I'm about to have a baby without her.

It's hard to hear people complain about their parents. I'm just as guilty though. My dad has gone off the deep end since my mom died so I'm complaining about him to my sister and DH all the time. I'm trying to salvage some tiny thread of our relationship but it's so hard. He's making all sorts of horrible decisions and has decided to sacrifice all that used to be near and dear to him for a very disgusting new woman. Believe me, I have TONS of complaints. I forget, sometimes, that I could lose what I have left with him as quickly as I lost my mom. I don't think it would be as hard but it would definitely still stuck.

I try to be patient with people who complain about their parents. We're all in different places and have very different connections to our families. It is really hard sometimes though!
post #196 of 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by papschmitty View Post
I try to be patient with people who complain about their parents. We're all in different places and have very different connections to our families. It is really hard sometimes though!
Good reminder thanks

i found a story i wrote about my mom shortly after she died this morning in my purse - i posted it here in the grief section - wow what an experience - i am glad i wrote it down, i forgot a lot about what all happened

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=794703
post #197 of 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by papschmitty View Post

I try to be patient with people who complain about their parents. We're all in different places and have very different connections to our families. It is really hard sometimes though!
Thanks for saying this papschmitty...I wanted to say the same thing. One thing I really don't want is for people to walk on eggshells around me. Losing my mother was the most horrible thing to happen in my life, but I do remember a time when she annoyed the crap out of me! There were times where I really wanted (and perhaps needed?) to bitch about her. Now I realize that it was all very petty, but at the time it was just part of our existence. A lot of people don't know we have lost our mothers or can not even fathom how it would impact their lives. People are not being malicious or insensitive when they make such comments, just living in that moment.

I am going into this holiday season with great cheer this year. Christmas was my mom's favorite holiday...she really got into it. She is a beautiful soul, and I am grateful that I have Christmas to think about her. At least I feel this way now, so that is what I am going with. I know the one thing my mom always strove for was my happiness. So I am going to start there.

Peace and love to you all!
~Paige
post #198 of 298
Also I wanted to add that you cannot make yourself be happy if you are not ready for that, I didn't want anyone to think I am saying be happy or else! That is sooooooooo not where I am going.

Own and recognize your anger and sadness. It is the first step to healing. :
post #199 of 298
I guess that's true, I don't want people to walk on eggshells, but still, it seems to me that they would at least ask how it is for me? Nobody ever says, "is it hard for you to hear this?" or even ask at all how it is to not have parents. Maybe it's the taboo around death or something. People stopped a long time ago asking if the holidays were hard without my parents. They just assume you move on after a few months or so...
post #200 of 298
I totally get that. It is taboo. I think people in general try to stay away from emotional wrecking situations, therefore they don't ask. And I can't really blame them you never know how one is going to react. I remember once when I moved back to the small town where my mom lived I ran into a friend's mother and she asked me how my mom was. This was a REALLY small town...everyone knows everything. Well, I was pretty shocked and looked coldly at her and simply said, "Dead."

And then there were times I wanted people to say, how are you without your mom this year? And when people did ask me how I was doing I'd feel like saying, "Duh...I'm a wreck. My mom is dead, do you even need to ask?" Of course I would respond politely, most of the time.

I was never happy because I didn't want to be happy. Or maybe I just wasn't ready. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Healing takes a long time.


So on a side note, I was putting my daughter to bed last night and she is kind of like a connection for me to my mom even though they have never met (she's almost 4 : and mom died 15 years ago) and I often get emotional after visiting this tribe. So I gave Carrie an squeeze but she was already fast asleep. She did move a bit so I quietly whisper with a chuckle, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cramp your style." And she sat up in a TOTALLY daze and said, "It's OK, mama," and was out like a light again. Weird!!!
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