I miss her and wonder what our adult relationship would have been like. We were just starting to be more than just mother and daughter, we were starting to be friends
Hi all. Hope i can join I lost my Mom to cancer when i was 19, just shy of 20. It was 6 years this past August. My now husband and i got engaged the day before she found out she was terminal. She had really wanted to come shopping with me for my wedding dress, but she was too weak, so i ordered it in the mail and she got to see me in it the last time she was really coherent, four days before she died. Then she went to sleep and never really woke up. She died surrounded by my father, my sisters and brothers-in-law in her own home. Her death was so sad, but also so beautiful and spiritual. Her hospice care was handled so beautifully... i am no longer afraid of death.
We got married nine months after she died, and those were easily the nine hardest months of my life. I think the first year was the worst... the first holidays, birthdays, get togethers, and each time feeling that acute sense of loss. She was there in spirit when dh and i got married. And when i had my first daughter nine months later (who was named after my mother, Isabelle) i looked at my baby and i understood my mother. I finally understood that fierce, protective love that a mama has for her child. And she made sense.
s to all those of you who are struggling with fresh grief. It is work. You don't have to shove it down, you don't have to "get over it". Feel the hurt as much as you loved. It is an honor.